Here is a different kind of question. In my current relationship (on and off 3 years) this past year, especially last summer, was an epic fail for us. things got way out of control and ugly. I swore off of him twice out of hurt/anger and frustration.
Now the problem is that we are trying again, although in a way we never have before that is looking OK so far (no guarantees, but that's OK for now). That said, on my end there are only two people that I have told that we are giving it another go. One, who has seen it all from the beginning, and as with everything is supportive, the other, who only saw this past summer and only heard from me the horrible things that happened, I think is disappointed and even a little angry.
That's not all. I have yet to discuss with my mother that I am seeing him again, as well as my daughter and have been fudging about who I am going out with at night when I see him. I HATE doing that, but I am struggling with how to explain to people who love, who saw me hurt so badly, who heard me say all the bad he did that I am back. I need to get across to them not only that there are reasons we are together but that the past was not all him, it is just all I showed them. I had a good bit to do with it.
I am not afraid of being judged for it as much as I am just hurting the people I love or seeing a look of disappointment on their face. I know from the past that no matter what, they will support me and love me, but it is still very difficult.
I am planning on including my daughter in an afternoon walk with my SO (she even just talked yesterday about how she kind of misses him, yet she also remembers seeing her mother hurting so I struggle there, but it is difficult to be single and have a relationship without your child being somehow aware or part of it). He has also mentioned that he misses her. We will see what happens, I am a little nervous it is too early but logistics are logistics LOL.
I am also considering taking my mom out to lunch this week to talk about it a little. I know it is more about me than what she will actually say or feel, but I have ALWAYS been afraid to disappoint my mother on certain levels. We are very close, I am insanely protective of her and I remember her relationship struggles when I was young. It's complicated and extremely hard to articulate where I am at. I know she will say little if anything about it, she is just like that and has NEVER in my entire life, stuck her nose into my relationships or offered her opinions of them (though at times I wish she would, but its just not like her to do that) I know she has opinions but she is not the type to put them on other people. She is about letting us (her daughters and anyone else) make our own mistakes, but will also always be there on the other end to help us pick up the pieces (she IS an amazing woman, beyond words).
It's just my struggle to share with people who only saw certain things in my relationship, that I am giving it another go and cannot even explain why I feel I have to give it that chance, other than it IS what I want, and it is what he wants. AND it IS different this time.
Anyway, not sure if I was just needing to express myself here, or if I am looking for advice, but I am always happy to take advice of others, so if you feel a need, I am listening