General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
I don't like to fake what I feel, but sometimes, as a result, when he receives my honest feedbacks, he felt hurt and he felt he wasn't doing a good job but I wasn't mean to criticise or hurt him... Now I realise.
I would make him so happy if I could be polite to him instead of being truthful to myself. Sometimes I really need to think carefully when I need to communicate with him.
Being polite is the key of a peaceful relationship when speaking my mind only brings more unnecessary discussions.
My husband has his own belief in how to make me happy.
When I tried to correct his belief in how to make me happy, he would feel hurt and wonder why i'm still not happy after he worked his butt off to make me happy?
Therefore, to make things easier for him and to maintain a peaceful marriage. I MUST be polite and show my gratitude for what he has done.
I don't need to be truthful to myself when it's hurtful to my spouse.
Interesting? Posted via Mobile Device
well I'll be frank *pause for old joke*... I love truth and honesty... but what bothers me is an argument where opinions are described as facts... but its twisted... your feelings are your own facts... but still I say if you must lie to spare feelings... you would soon discover the biggest lie you would be telling is your relationship...
I'd rather the truth kill it faster than a lie that would kill slowly...
No lying.
Just forget about what I really want and be polite.
No matter what, I must thank my husband for his hard work even the work doesn't quite meet the way I wanted.
I can't be truthful, because it's gonna hurt and frustrate him.
He wanted to see my smile and satisfaction on my face.
I MUST be polite and provide what is humbly requested. Posted via Mobile Device
Sometimes it's so easy to make my spouse happy if I would forget about what I really think and want.
Just agree with him and just say the words he likes to hear.
Everything is joyful and peaceful and I stay away from arguments and unpleasant discussions.
Can we always speak our minds frankly to our spouses?
If I miss fighting with my spouse, I will go ahead otherwise, I prefer not to get into troubles.
The problem is, I feel myself growing apart from him but who cares? Nobody is cheating.
You can pay now, or you can pay later with interest. In the case of relationships, it refers to having uncomfortable discussions now and trying to deal with the problem early vs. talking several years from now and having years of resentment and frustrations built up (the "interest"). Plus then the discussions may not be "How can we fix this", but become "I want a divorce, and here's the reasons".
If your husband has his beliefs in how to make you happy, but they're not making you happy, then his beliefs are based on a lie, and he's going to wonder why he's doing all this stuff for you and you're not satisfied. Check out the "Sex in Marriage" forum for countless examples of guys bending over backwards to do chores, watch kids, work countless hours to try to rebuild their wives sexual interest, when all they want is to be cuddled in a non-sexual manner occasionally (as an example).
Just my $0.02. Lieing to yourself to keep things peaceful is going to blow up in your face, in my opinion.
No lying.
Just forget about what I really want and be polite.
No matter what, I must thank my husband for his hard work even the work doesn't quite meet the way I wanted.
I can't be truthful, because it's gonna hurt and frustrate him.
He wanted to see my smile and satisfaction on my face.
I MUST be polite and provide what is humbly requested.
This is what I think -- this is going to get REAL OLD , you will grow to resent the fact you can not BE yourself around him and he is too bullheaded to HEAR you and Understand you.
and "Politeness" will lead to boringness. No honesty there, no passion.
Give examples of WHAT you are saying and HOW you are saying it , the attitude, tone -body language, this all speaks.
And his responses --what are your fights/disagreements over exactly?
sometimes to omit is to lie...
puting up a false act also equal the same...
be you and let him discover and love you...
if he is hiding himself and omitting, then a firm discussion is in order...
Thank you for your good inputs!
My husband is too good to accept negative feedback.
He really worked his butt off for whatever I request in a way he believes he's great enough. Posted via Mobile Device
I've tried to carefully bring up the discussion and my concerns but he would feel sooo hurt that I can't go on hurting his feelings.
I need to compromise. Posted via Mobile Device
Examples are everywhere and everyday.
When he cooks, I MUST say great, I love what he cooks.
Because he would be the same eating happily and appreciates whatever I cook.
Things like that also in the bedroom... So you can image... Posted via Mobile Device
Honestly, truthfully, I think you're setting up your marriage for failure. Honest communication is a MUST. Get counciling if you can't have a discussion together without hurt feelings.
Your husband isn't "too good to accept negative feedback". He needs to learn how to accept constructive comments, and you need to learn to give them.
Are my needs so important that must be met perfectly?
I don't think I can ever meet my spouse's needs perfectly how can I expect mine to be met perfectly?
Sometimes we just need to feel happy what is offered as long as he's showing his love, never mind he shows love in his own way.
As for resentment, I don't think I can hate my husband for being who he is.
I did have a bit frustration but I didn't really lose a thing.
I need to tell myself be happy and don't be greedy when my needs are not met in a way I prefered. Posted via Mobile Device
Well, enjoy being unhappy... Why exactly are you posting, anyway? Trying to find someone to agree with you that it's ok to bury your feelings?
And nobody said anything about your needs being met perfectly. Compromise is also a great thing in a relationship. But if you can't stand mashed potatoes, and that's what he makes for supper every night thinking they're your favorite thing in the world, you've only got yourself to blame for having to choke them down for the rest of your life. All you have to do is say something like "Honey, do you think we could try rice for supper sometime?", and then tell him "Oh baby! This rice is just as wonderful as your mashed potatoes! I never thought I'd like it this much!"... You can be tactful when presenting requests for change.
My husband has his own views of life. He's a polite person.
When he goes to a restaurant and the service is not satisfying, and when the manager comes to ask how's the food, he would reply. "Good!" just to be polite but he won't go again.
He believes in not to give bad comments and make ppl lose face because of the negative comments.
There're couples of times that I got upset with some service so I complained to the waiter.
He was mad at me and said I was being rude.
He told me when we don't like this place, we don't visit again, I don't need to make a fuss to the waiter because he's just here doing his work. Posted via Mobile Device
When Being Truthful Is Hurtful... 
