03-23-2011, 05:43 PM
Join Date: Jul 2008
| | Re: How to make progress if your man would rather not actually TALK about it?
Originally Posted by madimoff
please tell me how you work on resentment without constantly talking to him? I suppose it'd be partly simply accepting that resentment achieves b***** all, but can you ever totally ditch it without some input from him? I'm not sure I will be able to.
I work on my resentment by recognizing my motivation that got me to the point Im at. I had to recognize why I ignored signs and kept pursuing something that led to so much pain. Why did i chose to ignore the initial pain? why did i chose to brush aside certain occurrences? What was the motivation behind my actions? Was it really because i just loved him so much? No, it wasnt. That was difficult for me to acknowledge because I had built myself up in my own mind that i was the martyr and that I was the one that supplied all the love in the relationship. But I had alternative motives and when i acknowledged that it was my motives that kept propelling me into pain, and not my H, my H was no longer a hostage of my happiness. I had to acknowledge that no one but me ignored the signs and no one but me chose to stay with him. Why do you chose to stay together? What's in it for you?
You can ditch resentment without any input from him at all. Really. Resentment is you crossing your own boundaries. It has nothing to do with him. But the pain in your heart is an entirely different story. That needs input from him. But you cannot really reach the pain until you've conquered the resentment.
"I'm a lover of what is, not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality."
- Bryon Katie