Prodigal

Yes, she certainly does want to have her cake and to eat it too. Thus far, you are allowing this to happen. I have been personally exposed to the non-speak, blank stare, no reply nonsense in my marriage. It's tremendously passive-aggressive and it leaves you with absolutely no closure or expectations as to where her head is at. She's adept at keeping you tied up in knots, while she's out drinking with her gf's.

Suppose she is not having an affair. The fact still remains she doesn't seem to care that she isn't spending quality time with her own child. So much for maternal instincts ...

I'm throwing this out there for speculation: do you think she has a drinking problem? Going out several nights a week and staying out late could signify she is enjoying the booze far more than a normal drinker would. Who hangs out in bars on a regular basis? And I don't mean getting together with co-workers once a week after work to blow off some steam or going out occasionally with friends to have a few. People who start building their social lives around being regulars in bars tend to be alkies. I've lived through that with my exH who was a drunk.

It also sounds like there is the distinct liklihood of an affair. Start checking her texts, documenting her absences, etc. And go see a good family law attorney to find out where you stand.

__________________
I refuse to make anyone a priority in my life who considers me nothing more than an option.

You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.

SHARKY

She likes to drink and cant handle much either, she even started making drinks at the house. I cant check her phone because she has a company phone. The times that she has been out and I have left my daughter at my moms, when she calls my mom, she says she hears girls around her. All I know is that when and if she decides to go out again, what do I say to get her to move out. I want to bring a stop to this some how and I want her to leave and find herself a place to live outside our home. I am 6`1 and weigh 195 lbs very athelitic built and feel like if I was 5`0 tall right now.

PBear

That's a tough one, especially with your child. Otherwise I'd say just find your own place. Can you find a place for you and your daughter? Unfortunately, even if your wife is having an affair, she would have just as much right to the family house as you, at least up here in Canada. But if you're truly splitting up anyway, then you'll have to start making preparations for separate households anyway.

Where you're at, can you file for divorce immediately, or do you need to have a separation period first? If you can file immediately, then I guess that's what you might need to do. That's where talking to a lawyer would come in, to find out what your rights and obligations are. Have you done that?

And yet again, just because there's the sound of female voices sometimes, that doesn't mean she's not having an affair. Not all affairs are man/woman. Not all affairs are in the privacy of hotel rooms. If she is having an affair, it doesn't mean she's seeing her partner EVERY time she's out, for the entire night.

You could have a friend (preferably one that she doesn't know/recognize) follow her a few nights when she goes out... Or put a GPS tracking device in her car. The Garmin GTU is $200, and very small... It won't tell you what she's doing when she gets to her destinations, though.

C

PBear

I guess part of it depends on "Do you care if she's having an affair or do you just want out?" If you just want out, then talk to a lawyer already, and get advice on how to start splitting up. I don't think anyone would blame you for that. You can only try to fix things if they other person is also willing to fix it. And if she's not willing to separate on a trial basis, then you don't have many options left that I can see. I doubt if you can kick her out unless you can justify a restraining order against her, and staring blankly at you isn't likely to cut it.

If you want to see if she's having an affair so you can try to bust it up and get her back, then dig into that. Either way, start taking action rather than letting her walk over you. Good luck, no matter what you decide.

C

CH

That's how my affair started. Going out drinking with friends to bars/clubs just for fun. Met the OW and it was only talking about life and crap at 1st. Then became something more eventually.

When it 1st became a PA affair we didn't do it every other day. It was once a week when I could get out with a good excuse. As to her going out during her monthly visitor, she's still got a mouth. Doesn't have to be sex, making out or a BJ is still cheating.

I'm not saying she's cheating but the signs are smacking you in the face.

SHARKY

My gut feeling has been an affair with another woman. I am seeing an attorney next week to get myself educated legally.
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Jaded Heart

I have to agree she is having an affair. I would have someone follow her. I didn't think my H would have one and like you he had a company phone and I was not able to check his records. I knew who she was and I just hacked her account and had all the proof I need.

everclear

If I went to Vegas, I would put my money on an affair. That being said, an affair and the subsequent fallout can be an opportunity to grow , but it takes a lot of strength and patience. I have been on both sides of the affair and neither is pleasant. As someone involved in an affair, the guilt I felt was overwhelming. I felt like a lost sheep, with no chance of going home. That feeling can manifest itself in many ways, including the indifference you seem to refer to. It also can lead to drinking and other escapist behaviors. On the other side of the coin, as the "victim" you can let your ego get the best of you, and see this as something that is happening to you. The whole thing sucks, but your daughter is the number one priority, and you need to place her short and long-term needs first, followed by your needs.

SHARKY

For the past two days she has been trying to get close to me some how. She is trying to make conversation and is looking at me straight into my eyes. I am taking it slow to protect myself to not fall into a trap. She seems to be feeling guilty about something and does not know how approach me. I guess the conversation I had with her telling her that the end is near is really sinking in.

peace

Sharky set your boundaries and stick to them. It is hard going through a roller coaster ride. Watch you back and pay attention when she speaks to you. Act kind but firm and let her know that you are in control.
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SHARKY

Wife and I sleep in the same bed, for the past two mornings she has put her feet close to my leg, just a touch. I did not move my leg to see what she was trying to do. I guess she is doing this to see if I move away, I left my leg there and she did not move her foot. What should I do and what is she thinking by doing this.

peace

It's obvious that she wants to get a reaction. I'm sure she has a guilt trip and the only way she can override her guilt is by using her sexuality with you. That will be up to you to accept it or reject it. That is what I see, I'm sure others have an opinion too.
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