My "always late" husband drives me crazy

BorrowedHalo · 03-23-2011, 08:12 AM

My husband is in bed right now. It is 8:07am. He's supposed to be to work at 8am. I get my 3 kids up and to school every weekday. Do I really have to come and get him up too?

Additionally, his attitude freaks me out. He thinks that he's more or less irreplaceable at work. He thinks the rules are for other people and that there is no one as smart or useful as he is. (This attitude spills into everything he does.) I worry that he will lose his job. The company is a good local company and he's been with them for 9 years--4 yrs, then 7 yrs back in the Army, then rehired and worked 5 yrs. I think they put up with a lot. And if they ever say anything, he has the nerve to get all high-and-mighty, like they have no right to complain. I can't say anything, cuz he either yells at me, or laughs it off like it's no big deal.

AGH!

BorrowedHalo · 03-23-2011, 08:38 AM

It's now 8:36. He just woke up and said, "Hey," I said, "Yeah?" He says, "It's 8:30." I said, "Yeah." He said, "Why didn't you wake me up?" I'm like, "I didn't know I was supposed to." He says, "You know I have to work." I said, "I figured you knew what you were doing." Translation: Get yourself up..I'm not your mom!!!! AAGGHH!

Prodigal · 03-23-2011, 09:29 AM

Is there a clock radio by the bed? Can he turn on his cell phone and set the alarm on that? (Doesn't take much effort or brains to do either ...).

It's his job; thus, his responsibility to get himself out of bed like a responsible adult.

What you have said regarding his attitude about work sends up MAJOR red flags for me. I was married to someone just like this ... and he lost a number of jobs due to the same attitude ... and each time he was totally surprised that he was fired. After all, it had to be the fault of the morons he had for bosses. Frankly, I believe my ex was the quintessential narcissist. It sounds like your husband has those traits too.

EVERYBODY is replaceable and expendable, particularly in this economy. EVERYBODY.

I can understand how his behavior would drive you nuts. I'd also be scared. He has an overly-inflated view of himself. Maybe he'd better look around at all the folks who are being laid off from jobs, taking drastic pay cuts, taking on more work and longer hours due to staff cutbacks.

You need to discuss you concerns with him about this situation, but leave your emotions out of it. If he still doesn't get it, then I'm afraid your family might suffer the consequences sooner rather than later.

Sanity · 03-23-2011, 10:14 AM

Are you a SAHM? Is he father of those kids?
Posted via Mobile Device

BorrowedHalo · 03-23-2011, 10:54 AM

Yes, he could and sometimes does set his phone alarm.

Yes, he's a narcissist.

Yes, my husband is my kids' father. We actually got married and PLANNED them all!

He looks around at other people who are taking pay cuts and losing their jobs and he just thinks that it'll never happen to him.

And, here's the kicker! He gets up at 8:30, takes a shower, and calls into work and asks if he can work from home today and they say yes! If anyone else acted like him, they'd be on the street.

As long as he thinks that the rules don't apply to him and as long as they really don't SEEM to apply to him, he will keep doing what he does.

When I said something this morning, he laughed (like I said he would) and said, "Ya wanna see my review?" Apparently, they can't say enough nice things about him. Maybe it really doesn't matter what time he gets to work and I'm worrying about nothing.

Married&Confused · 03-23-2011, 12:40 PM

i want to work where he does!

take the alarm away from the bed and put it across the room.

use more than one alarm.

set the alarm time for 10 minutes earlier than real time so when he sees it's 8:10 it's really only 8:00

don't ask him to get up for work. tell him the kids need help.

water guns... indispensable.

Runs like Dog · 03-23-2011, 05:41 PM

My wife loves to make everyone wait for Her Highness to get out the door. And god forbid anyone run back inside for a quick sec after sitting in the car in the driveway for 20 minutes waiting for She Who is Proceeding to get her butt in the car. Then YOU'RE the one ruining her day by making her late. And then getting OUT of the car. It's an elaborate ballet of screwing around you literally cannot win. There is no way to take more time than her getting out of the car. She will be last and you will be waiting for her.

And when we eventually manage to get somewhere the first words out of her mouth are "It's his fault, he was messing around."

It's about power and control. Period. Your husband doesn't WANT you to wake him up. He wants you to watch him scold you for waking him up if you do, or not waking him up if you don't.

What I do is simply ignore all of it. I have things to do. I get up when I need to get up and do things when I need to do them. If she has a different schedule.....live long and prosper!