I don't know what to do...please help
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Old 03-24-2011, 06:47 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default I don't know what to do...please help

First of all, English is not my first language so pardon me for my poor English. I really need to talk to someone, who have/had the same experience.

My husband and I have been married for 4years. We have been through a lot together from nothing to eat to a good life. He cheated on me since before we got married with different women. I told him I do not mind if he cheat on me, just hide it well.I found out sometimes and he always got away with excuses.
I once found a woman sent him her picture in underwear. I asked him about it and he said "She just sent it to me. I never talked to her".
I knew he talked to her before. I knew he was texting her, but i did not want to argue with him about it so i let it go.
Example of his excuses "She is a lady boy", "She is my friend's friend"
I do not know how I could ignore all those until last year.

Since last year we had to be away from each other due to work. While we were away, he told me about his friend. She was a model. He told me how beautiful she was and he would introduce her to me as a friend. One night he told me that he needed to be away for work, and she might go too. Ended up he told me she did not go. When I got back to my country, I realized he was texting always. We went out together and he was still texting. I could see he was texting her. I could see her name. One night i checked his phone. He deleted many texts but some still remained. They were flirting. What made me unhappy the most was he gave her money to buy a dress. When I want to buy something, sometimes he got moody. He said if I only going to use it once, why waste money. She would use the dress just once too and it was expensive. He helped her pay for the rent once (he told me). He blamed everything on distant relationship. I was very angry so I said something not nice about her and he protected her by disagree. It made me even more angry, but I did not want to leave him. After her......everything has been different. I can not trust him. I sometimes get sad alone. He does not really want to talk about it. I have never felt he was truly sorry.

2months ago, I found his text saying sorry to her but she did not reply. I asked him and he said he never want to have a problem with anyone. He also told me he had BJ from a woman at massage shop. He told me she offered it. He said everyman he knows has massage with good ending.

I want to trust him again. I want to move forward but everytime i think about it, I get very angry. I still cry. Can anyone tell me how to make myself trust him again?
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Old 03-24-2011, 07:04 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: I don't know what to do...please help

One more thing, every time I talk about it, he always say "just flirting. I did not make love with them or anything".......How could that make me feel better?
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Old 03-24-2011, 03:39 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: I don't know what to do...please help

Quote:
Originally Posted by someone123 View Post
He cheated on me since before we got married with different women. I told him I do not mind if he cheat on me, just hide it well.I found out sometimes and he always got away with excuses.
This appears to be where the problem started. Telling him you do not mind if he cheats as long as he hides it pretty much gave him the green light to cheat. It also may be why he tries to cover it up with excuses, since you told him to hide it. Since you set the expectations pretty low at the start, I don't know that he would agree to change now that it seems to bother you.

I don't think you can trust him unless he agrees that happy endings and flirting, buying other women gifts are damaging to your marriage and hurting you & he places your happiness above his cheap thrills. Right now he is making excuses and not respecting your feelings.
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Old 03-24-2011, 08:19 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: I don't know what to do...please help

not recognizable, everytime I am away from him, he turn to be very nice and sweet....I still love him so much and I want it to work.

swedish, you are right. His excuses are mainly only flirting, nothing sexual. I was just trying to give him spaces. Should not I be ok with flirting?

Last night I told him "I would get pissed off less and not to mention it. You can live your life and I will do my best to work thing out on my own"
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Old 03-24-2011, 08:20 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: I don't know what to do...please help

not recognizable, everytime I am away from him, he turn to be very nice and sweet....I still love him so much and I want it to work.

swedish, you are right. His excuses are mainly only flirting, nothing sexual. I was just trying to give him spaces. Should not I be ok with flirting?

Last night I told him "I would get pissed off less and not to mention it. You can live your life and I will do my best to work thing out on my own"
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