Ten_year_hubby

My mother passed away in Nov 2010 and I am entitled to certain small sums of money as a beneficiary. There is a $200.00 check on the way and on several occasions my wife expressed impatience waiting for "her money" and how important getting this check was for her to manage her monthly family spending. (I work full time and give her complete spending authority, the only thing I buy is gas for my car).

After hearing her say "her money" a couple of times and plan on folding it into her spending, I matter-of-factly pointed out that my inheritance was "my money" and I hadn't decided what to do with it yet. I was considering buying myself a guitar or fishing rod (I have neither) but I really haven't decided on anything.

This morning she calls me aside and angrily tells me that she is very hurt by me saying that the money is mine. When I pointed out that the money is legally mine she said that they was I said this to her was hurtful to her. When I asked how I could better say it differently, her response was unclear.

I am confused here. We are both educated middle age adults and I though everyone knew that inheritance was the personal property of the beneficiary. Maybe not, so am I not allowed to say this? I'm really stuck because I don't want to be hurtful but I don't want to be forced into something either. This morning was a really big blowup and the emotional fallout has me deflated having difficulty proceeding with necessary tasks. Can someone help me get the right perspective on this? Any suggestions for what exactly I should do?

MEM11363

Do you really not see how beaten down you are, and what a bully you are letting your wife be?

Therealbrighteyes

Totally agree. Take the money and buy your guitar or your fishing rod. Your Mother would have wanted you to have some happiness.

Conrad

Hubby,

You sound like a really nice guy.

That's likely at the root of your problems.

The Man Up and Nice Guy Reference

Come to the Men's Clubhouse to discuss it with us. This is likely the tip of the iceberg.

__________________
"Forgive or Re-Live"

-AFEH

Catherine602

How is it that she can call your inheritance her money and you can't call your inheritance your money? Please explain how you are going along with this crazy thinking.

In my opinion, being married does not rob you of your selfhood. You are part of a unit and have responsibilities but you are an individual with responsibilities to keep up your mental garden healthy. You have allowed yourself to become an appendage of your wife, it appears, and your garden has gone to seed.

The money is your money, if there are no pressing out standing commitments, then take it and do something nice for yourself. That's why your Mom left the money to her son not her son's family. She trusted you enough to know you would do the right thing. Buy a fishing rod for your wife and invite her along.

Storm the bridge and take your place at the helm of the family ship.

friendly

My husband said his money is our money. He is the sole bread winner as well.
He has 3 guitars and many of men's things and I have plenty of women's stuffs as well.
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Conrad

Catherine,

Sounds like you're telling him to man up.

__________________
"Forgive or Re-Live"

-AFEH

Therealbrighteyes

We all are!!

Atholk

Check into what the state of the family money situation really is.

She may just really need that $200 and you don't know why.

__________________
The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 is available to buy! Love, Sex, Nice Guys, Alpha, Beta, Dealing With Cheating, Oneitis, Sexless Marriages, Sex Rank, Body Agenda, Sexy Moves, Seduction Skills and more! 344 pages of high quality practical information. The MMSL Primer Book

Catherine602

yes Conrad
sounds like she thinks of him as one of the kids and does not respect him. If she at lest asked him what he was thinking of using the money for, that would indicate that she regards him as a human with some sovereignty and a right to private resources. if the family is in good shape financially why can't he use his money.

I think it is a bad idea to give total control of finances to one person. I am biased but I think out of respect for the good man he should be intimitaly involved. No criticism to my gender but, the woman having complete control may make her treat the husband like one of her charges. If he is resposible, he should maintain some control. Sexual attraction is closely related to a mans ability to support his family so he sould emphasize this aspect of the relationship by making it obviously that he is supporting.

I dont mean that the wife is locked out of access but he should not be. Big mistake on the part of men. I think one of the items on Brennen's list, childlike behavior - he has, by error, become her child if she argues with him that HIS inheritence belongs to her. When he shares it, she is not greateful because she feels entitled to it.
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Runs like Dog

For $200? Split it with her.

Syrum

I am new here and I have found Catherine to be just as she described above.

While I probably don't agree with everything she says, she is no man hater and her posts are empathetic to people of both genders.

We all have bias, and at least Catherine recognizes hers.

Ten_year_hubby

Yes, I hear you all and you're right, but I have to admit I have facilitated the entire situation. My w handles the finances because I'm really busy doing other stuff (like making the money in the first place) and I feel she that she needs to contribute in a responsible manner. She has an MBA and used to work for a bank so she is actually qualified as well. My real issue is how to deal with being charged as being hurtful. It's just not my style and I don't know how to respond.

marcy*

I don't understand why she feels hurt. It's OK if she is managing your money, but at least she had to ask you what you wish to do with your mother's money. You have a right to spend some of these money on yourself to buy a valuable thing in memory of your mother.

Catherine602

Maybe she thinks the inheritance is the same as the rest of the money you bring into the home. Will you be getting a certain amout on a regular basis like your salary? Is she is accustomed to making all of the decisions about how the money is spent. If you want money do you have to ask your wife and explain why you want it? Does she do the same for you. Are you happy with this arrangement?

Are you happy with your wife and is she happy with you? You can simply say that you know she is hurt and you would like to understand why so that you that can help. If this is an indication of a situation that you would like to change then think of what you want to do when this blows over and do it.

As long as you are not neglecting your family. Are you sure you have not made yourself invisible - getting everyone else what they want and just acting like an ATM with no toys for you? I don't think spending money on something you would like is a problem. But that is not what this is about - I think it is about her perception that control of the money is being taken from her.