Can I keep the other man as a friend only for chat?

friendly · 03-27-2011, 12:39 PM

How do you define EA? What if the OM and I both don't want to have sex with each other but just chat like friends once in a while to say hi and 10 mins chat?
Is it cheating?
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friendly · 03-27-2011, 01:05 PM

Is it wrong to keep a friend (opposite sex) close after married?
Is it EA?
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Sanity · 03-27-2011, 02:23 PM

Well its not so much how many OM friends you have but HOW you interact with them. If you find yourself searching this OM out and ignoring your H then its an EA on some level. Life is about choices. If you continue chatting with OM then don't complain if your spouse makes the choice to kick you to the curb.

Catherine602 · 03-27-2011, 02:55 PM

No it is a very bad idea. Chances are that in the future he may betray you; would it be OK for him to check in with the OW periodically? Put yourself in your partners shoes then act accordingly.
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Mom6547 · 03-27-2011, 02:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by friendly

How do you define EA? What if the OM and I both don't want to have sex with each other but just chat like friends once in a while to say hi and 10 mins chat?
Is it cheating?
Posted via Mobile Device

Who cares. It is terribly ill advised. Very, very unwise if what you want is to repair your marriage.

michzz · 03-27-2011, 04:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by friendly

How do you define EA? What if the OM and I both don't want to have sex with each other but just chat like friends once in a while to say hi and 10 mins chat?
Is it cheating?
Posted via Mobile Device

Why not ask your husband AFTER you let him know the full scope of your connection to this OM?

That would be the most valid answer you can get.

friendly · 03-28-2011, 04:36 AM

I feel it sound unreasonable to kick away all the friends after married when non of them are friends with benefit.
My husband can keep his friends and chat to them once in a while as long as he knows where the limit is. Why can't I have a friend who I like to keep for life and say "Hi" to him also once in a while. The OM and me are both committed to our own relationships. He likes his gf very much and I'm devoted to my marriage. We clearly know there's no future for us and it's not possible for us to cheat but just a friendship to keep alive.
I feel it brings no harms as long as things are done within the boundaries: we don't discuss any inappropriate topics. We don't meet each other, either.
So why pure friendship is considered as Ea here in this forum?

unbelievable · 03-28-2011, 07:45 AM

Do you share with this OM, things you would not say to him in front of your husband? Do you discuss secrets you should share only with your husband? Do you hide or try to hide your communications from your husband? Violations of intimacy don't always involve sex and some of the most damaging have nothing to do with sex. A real friend would want you to be as happy as possible in your marriage. Every day, you work on your marriage. You are either working to make it better or you're working to destroy it. You have to decide how this OM fits into that equation.
If this OM is providing some emotional need that you should be getting from your husband, it's probably not healthy. In such a case, the better move would be to teach your husband to provide that emotional support.

SaffronPower · 03-28-2011, 08:13 AM

You and your husband need to discuss opposite sex friends. You two can set the boundaries. Anything you say to this man you should be able to say in front of your husband.

If you are honest with yourself, you are probably just keeping this guy around for your ego or for later when you need emotional support again.

Isn't your husband more important then saying "hi" to some guy you SAY is just a friend?

Boogsie · 03-28-2011, 08:17 AM

Why are you married? You are having an EA which eventually might move to a PA and in this thread

For ladies: what would you do when husbands want sex but you don't want it?

You are looking for excuses to give your husband to not have sex.

I'll ask again, why are you married?

2nd_t!me iz_best · 03-28-2011, 10:24 AM

just a bad idea imo

friendly · 03-28-2011, 10:28 AM

I'm not very sure if this is a EA : To say "Hi, and how are you?" to the OM once in a while without inappropriate topics except each other's work and health,
I don't think the chat is strong enough to cause emotional affairs. Honestly,
I don't feel myself loved or desired by him. So how do you define EA when there's no passion and sexual interests involved?
He keeps me no more than just a friend because i'm married.
I'd keep him a life friend because there's nothing much I can do for him more than just say "Hi!" once in a while, it sounds pathetic.
After married, this is the maximum what I can do for the OM.
My sexual life with my husband is regular. I try to find excuses not to have sex only once in a while. I also need sex even it gets boring after many years doing it with same person but no matter what, my marriage life has nothing to do with the OM. He has no idea about my sexual life with my husband. We don't talk anything that is too personal.

friendly · 03-28-2011, 10:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SaffronPower

You and your husband need to discuss opposite sex friends. You two can set the boundaries. Anything you say to this man you should be able to say in front of your husband.

If you are honest with yourself, you are probably just keeping this guy around for your ego or for later when you need emotional support again.

Isn't your husband more important then saying "hi" to some guy you SAY is just a friend?

My husband is the most important man in my life. I've devoted to him more than 99.999%, to compare my husband with the OM, the OM only gets my 0.001% attention.
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Mrs.G · 03-28-2011, 10:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boogsie

Why are you married? You are having an EA which eventually might move to a PA and in this thread

For ladies: what would you do when husbands want sex but you don't want it?

You are looking for excuses to give your husband to not have sex.

I'll ask again, why are you married?

This is a very good question.
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friendly · 03-28-2011, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unbelievable

Do you share with this OM, things you would not say to him in front of your husband? Do you discuss secrets you should share only with your husband? Do you hide or try to hide your communications from your husband? Violations of intimacy don't always involve sex and some of the most damaging have nothing to do with sex. A real friend would want you to be as happy as possible in your marriage. Every day, you work on your marriage. You are either working to make it better or you're working to destroy it. You have to decide how this OM fits into that equation.
If this OM is providing some emotional need that you should be getting from your husband, it's probably not healthy. In such a case, the better move would be to teach your husband to provide that emotional support.

What can I hide from my husband?
My husband gets all what I can provide, such as love, time, commitments, affection and food I cook!
The OM instead only gets a little attention from me, just a greeting.
Am I being too nice to the OM? He wouldn't agree that we're having an EA, because he didn't feel or get a thing from me except the very pathetic greeting.