getting married and my groom is breaking me heart
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Old 03-27-2011, 04:30 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default getting married and my groom is breaking me heart

backstory, my groom and I have both been married before and both ended in disaster. he had the big wedding and I went to a courthouse. my first marriage was a joke and should have never lasted the 8 years that it did. he just didnt care about me, his son, or "us." videogames ruled his life.

fastforward....I meet the man of my dreams. we date, we move in together, his son and himself, my son and myself. we get engaged and have a child together. we have been engaged for almost a year now. our budget is INSANELY low....$300. needless to say I will be making almost everything, the dress, the decor, the food...ect. Due to the fact that we have a small baby we have desided to make the date aug 14th of 2012....our baby will be a bit older and planning and making everything for a wedding on our budget is mental suicide with a baby. by setting the date so late it gives me the time to make and plan everything.

So about a week ago I start planning. I asked my grrom how involved he wants to be (lets face it, he's a guy) and I get a shoulder shrug. leaving it at that I get online and spend hours looking at pictures of over 4000 dresses and finally find one I like and that I can make myself....and he hates it. I asked him lastnight if he could give me a rough estimate of who he wants to be invited, so that I could start planning and he says "yea, I dont want to think about that, I'm watching a show." Today I showed him a picture of the arch I will be making (BY HAND)and he started laughing at me and told me I was a bridezilla for starting the planning process this early. it's too soon to plan according to him. then he tells me that he'd rather just go to a judge and "get it over with" like it's a painful chore he HAS to do. he said he doesnt care about having a wedding ceremony. From the moment we became engaged up until now...in one year I have asked him who he wants there, and shown him 5 pictures, THATS IT! and he's acting like I have no buisness even TALKING bout it let alone planning our day this early.

I'm sorry but getting married, for me, deserves more than a trip to a courthouse and a signature. I dont think he understands just how much it hurts me when he acts like this.

anyone have any advice so I dont lose my sanity??
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Old 03-27-2011, 05:39 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: getting married and my groom is breaking me heart

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Originally Posted by marylou View Post
I'm sorry but getting married, for me, deserves more than a trip to a courthouse and a signature. I dont think he understands just how much it hurts me when he acts like this.
I would think already living together for a year, having a child and just knowing each other inside & out , picking up each others dirty laundry & all the mundane boring stuff these last 12 months, the "newness" -Excitement of "starting a life together" -a Wedding , the allure has been lost.

Plus the added financial burden, this is adding more stress. I would assume a HoneyMoon is out of the question beings the Wedding budget itself is in dire need. He is likely just seeing the practicality of the situation.
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Old 03-27-2011, 05:45 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: getting married and my groom is breaking me heart

if he doesnt want any part of planning the wedding that's fine....give me the names of who he wants there and I'll gladly do the rest. I'm more upset over the fact that he's acting like I shouldnt want this wedding in the first place and that I'm planning way too far in advance. when there are children in the house and you work and you are having to MAKE EVERYTHING YOURSELF for a wedding, it's going to take time to do all that. This gives me the time that I need to do all of it on such an insanely small budget it's not like this is going to be a HUGE thing....I'm thinking maybe 40 people, a small ceremony at the lakes outside with minimal decor, casual, and a cookout afterwards....not lifestyles of the rich and famous lol



we have a $2000 budget for the honeymoon....the money is there, we just dont want to spend a fortune on the wedding which is why I'm making everything instead of buying it.
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Old 03-27-2011, 05:46 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: getting married and my groom is breaking me heart

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Originally Posted by SimplyAmorous View Post
I would think already living together for a year, having a child and just knowing each other inside & out , picking up each others dirty laundry & all the mundane boring stuff these last 12 months, the "newness" -Excitement of "starting a life together" -a Wedding , the allure has been lost.

Plus the added financial burden, this is adding more stress. I would assume a HoneyMoon is out of the question beings the Wedding budget itself is in dire need. He is likely just seeing the practicality of the situation.
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Old 03-27-2011, 05:48 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: getting married and my groom is breaking me heart

How is everything before the wedding planning? Did you have any doubts before you started planning?

My H was the same as yours. He was so disinterested in the process of getting married. It was incredibly depressing and I still hold a lot of resentment from it all. I went through with it anyway but in retrospect i should have halted the process and respected how i felt more. I think if you are not completely comfortable with how things are happening then back off. You will have to live with resentment for years if you keep pushing past how you feel.
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