Do most skip a "mid-life Crisis"?
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Old 03-27-2011, 06:12 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Do most skip a "mid-life Crisis"?

Mid-life crisis has been discussed her, and I honestly believe that is what played a role in my x wife wanting a divorce. I am 43, however, and have been happy up to this point. I have never had a desire to act younger or feel that I missed something, etc.

I'm not sure what causes a mid-life crisis. Is it a state of mind that just happens and takes the person by surprise, or is it a result of mentally dwelling on certain thing over time that triggers it?

I have always been comfortable with my age, and even when I was a teen, I remember people telling me how mature I acted for my age. So, if anything, I have always leaned ahead rather than behind.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I try to act 80 at 43, but I just enjoy my life and am comfortable with who I am.

Even though I didn't ask for the divorce, it has naturally given me freedom that I didn't have when married. I suppose I could be out painting the town every night, pursuing younger women, etc. Instead, what the new freedom means to me is that I can watch what I want on tv, eat at the restaurants I want, eat exactly what I want for supper, stay home when I want, go somewhere when I want, smoke a good cigar in peace if I want, etc. I have no desire, however, to go wild or search for something I possibly missed.

So, is it possible that some people will never experience a mid-life crisis? I hope I don't.
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Old 03-27-2011, 06:32 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do most skip a "mid-life Crisis"?

Yes of course. Depressurization is whatever you think it should be.
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Old 03-27-2011, 06:52 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do most skip a "mid-life Crisis"?

Since I feel I had a Mid Life Crisis, I asked my husband one day if he ever had one, he says he thinks he did a few years back, he was feeling sad --sadder than usual -thinking alot about the kids getting older, growing too fast, I guess it lasted a short time, and I never noticed a thing!!! And he never said anything.

My husband is not an "intense" man, he is calm, patient, easy going, rarely gets "bored" -(you know we talked about that once Southbound) Then we have people like ME ---very opposite of this -- so I really feel , for some, it could be SO minor , given their natural born temperment, you could not even compare it to anothers. If it even happens at all.

If my husband would wake up one day wanting a new Sports car & chasing women, it would blow my mind . He got to LIVE IT UP pretty good during mine - we went through a little Strip Club phase, I know he was LOVING that, something he never did in his youth. Maybe he had another mini one with me. I am not really sure !

I would love to hear some others answers on this.
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Old 03-27-2011, 07:26 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do most skip a "mid-life Crisis"?

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Since I feel I had a Mid Life Crisis, I asked my husband one day if he ever had one, he says he thinks he did a few years back, he was feeling sad --sadder than usual -thinking alot about the kids getting older, growing too fast, I guess it lasted a short time, and I never noticed a thing!!! And he never said anything.

Actually, I had a phase like that about 7 years ago when I was 36, that started in December and lasted until late spring. Even watching a tv show that I watched as a kid would make me sad and reflective. I actually did tell my wife about it. That year was very stressful for various reason, so I always contributed it to that along with a touch of SAD being that it was in the winter.

I don't know if that was technically a mid-life crisis or not; I assumed it would pass, as it did, so i just waded it out. I have never had the wild side of a mid-life, however, where I desired to totally change up my life.

I wonder if state of mind has anything to do with how one handles a mid-life too. Even though I felt bad, somewhere in my mind I assumed it would pass, so i didn't do anything drastic.

I have always been a very logical, realistic thinker. If I had awoke one morning with drastic thoughts like not being in love with my wife(x now) anymore, wanting a younger woman, and having a desire to change my life, I honestly think I would still have the capacity to realize something wasn't right, "I'm not me, and I realize that." My first attempt would just be to wade it out. If it didn't pass, then i would try therapy. I don't think my solution would ever be to act upon feelings and desires that would turn lives upside down, because I would realize something was off.
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Old 03-28-2011, 09:09 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do most skip a "mid-life Crisis"?

I was at a get together last night and was talking to a friend of mine about mid-life crisises. We were discussing several people in our old church who had kind of spun out of control (and there were quite a few). He is almost 46 and thinks that he will probably never have one. This led to a discussion of why some people do and some people don't. We're usually fairly deep thinkers but the few of us discussing this decided that it pretty much came down to how much of the latent "dumbass" gene a person has in their genetic make-up. Everyone has feelings that come and go throughout their lives. Some people deal with it one way and some people get stupid.

Last edited by Mike188; 03-29-2011 at 09:39 AM.
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Old 03-28-2011, 06:12 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do most skip a "mid-life Crisis"?

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I was at a get together last night and was talking to a friend of mine about mid-life crisises. We were discussing several people in our old church who had kind of spun out of control (and there were quite a few). He is almost 46 and thinks that he will probably never have one. This led to a discussion of why some people do and some people don't. We're usually fairly deep thinkers but the few of us discussing this decided that it pretty much can down to how much of the latent "dumbass" gene a person has in their genetic make-up. Everyone has feelings that come and go throughout their lives. Some people deal with it one way and some people get stupid.

I think you hit the nail on the head, in my wife's case anyway. I think she started feeling things, and in her mind, the solution was to take drastic action and turn everybody's life upside down(she has the gene), but I think my common sense would keep me from going crazy regardless of what feelings i had.
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Old 03-29-2011, 06:29 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do most skip a "mid-life Crisis"?

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I have always been a very logical, realistic thinker. If I had awoke one morning with drastic thoughts like not being in love with my wife(x now) anymore, wanting a younger woman, and having a desire to change my life, I honestly think I would still have the capacity to realize something wasn't right, "I'm not me, and I realize that." My first attempt would just be to wade it out. If it didn't pass, then i would try therapy. I don't think my solution would ever be to act upon feelings and desires that would turn lives upside down, because I would realize something was off.
OH Mike, That was so funny, the Dumba** gene !

I consider myself a very common sense type person, always the Realist. The dreamer types- I always shake my head. My feet always planted on the ground. I play Devil's advocate to every thought.

I am hoping I can say I didnt have the dumba** gene, since I/we weathered mine OK. I knew when I came into mine, I was not acting quite the same. Everything suddenly became BORING to me -except those things I wanted. I would have been happy to get rid of my kids for the entire summer -would have gladly paid to ship them off to summer camp if I could have ! Doesn't sound nice I know, but true.

I remember wondering what in the world was wrong with my sister in Law a few years back, she ran off with a drummer, getting upset with her husband for wanting to stay home with the kids all the time, she was always such an attentive & doting Mom, suddenly she wanted to live it up, go dancing, following some band like a Groupie. She wanted her husband to come with her, he just wanted to stay home -hang out with the kids. They were happily married for 19 yrs before this, as far as anyone could see. The divide began, it ended in divorce, her & the drummer didn't work out, both still single today. Sad. What might have been if he went with her, I don't know.

I realized I was starting to THINK like her - not wanting to run off with anyone but I wanted to get away from my kids very badly, go out just me & him, do things I feel we missed in our youth, it was "consuming" for me. Take the vacations we talked about but never took. We have always let it be about THE KIDS, what do they need, giving up ourselves for them. I remember years ago, after baby #4 , an Aunt wanted to baby sit for us once a month so we could go out alone (something we never did), I remember sitting face to face in the restaurant not even knowing what to talk to my husband about- if it wasn't about kids! Daahhhhh should have woke up then -but didn't somehow.

This ended with my Crisis. It turned out to be a good thing in my case, as I was unbalanced , putting my husband on the back burner , not even realizing I was doing this. We discovered "Us" again.
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Old 03-29-2011, 09:52 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Do most skip a "mid-life Crisis"?

One guy in particular we were talking about really went off the deep end. He seemed to have everything going for him (and he's only in his late 30's). He was a private banker for a big nation wide bank. He was married to a really nice wife and had a little boy. He made a lot of money. He started showing signs of cracking and would occasionally say something to me and/or this other friend of mine about what he does all day at work like surf porn all day or send self written pron stories to his co-workers. I'm not bashing looking at pics of naked women, but doing it all day at work probably isn't a good idea. One time he was feeling us out for my opinion about this woman at his gym who had been propositioning him. We both told him to stay away from that. I'm pretty sure he hooked up with her. Then his wife started sharing with the other women that he had a bad drinking problem and is addicted to prescription drugs. Their marriage started to crack. He finally spun out and decided that he wanted to live la vida loca (that's "the crazy life" for you that don't habla Espanol). Ricky Martin made the phrase glamorous but the origonal use means you're a dumbass.

I saw on the state legal site that he was arrested for something back in December. Not sure what yet, it isn't fully up to date. Probably DUI. He started shagging a younger woman in the church a long time ago, maybe even before he was divorced. She is the daughter of a very prominent couple in the church who donates a lot of money. Anyway, this woman must have the dumbass gene also. She has had four (4) DUI arrests since 2003.
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