unlucky at love

My husband is cheating on me. I have no idea how to deal with this. I have left previously but have since returned upon his demands for me to return.

He loves this woman, or so he tells her in his emails, that's how I know about the affair.

When I question him he reminds me of the indiscretion that I have had in the past or he tells me nothing is going on.

I left because I dont think you can love more then one person at a time at least not faithfully and this other lady is married as well.

I guess I dont know what to do, how to handle this.

I know I am at fault big time for him having an affair. I am not physically attracted to him much because of prior things that has happened in our marriage and we arent romantic enough in our relationship, because for one it's just a bad time for me.

I just dont understand why he keeps insisting I stay at our home when he so obviously wants to be with someone else. I just want to do the right thing and figure out how to handle this in the best way possible.

Any good ways to handle this?

thanks for the advice.

PBear

Why are you listening to his demands? He's not your father, and even if he was, I'm assuming you're old enough to make your own decisions.

Are there kids involved?

And no, I would say that if he wants to work things out with you, one of the conditions is that he gives up the other woman. Look through the Infidelity forum for all sorts of guidance on handling this situation. But that's really only useful if you want to make it work... If you want out, then just start making arrangements to leave. Talk to a lawyer, find a place to live. Then go.

But of course, kids would change a lot. So answer that question too...

C

827Aug

There's no reason for you to accept your husband's behavior. And NEVER blame yourself for his choice to cheat. You may want to see an individual therapist to recover from the damage he is causing to your self-esteem. Affaircare has a great website, AffairCare Home, you may find really useful as well.

unlucky at love

No PBear we dont have kids. Thank you for the advice, it's hard to know what to do and if it's the right thing to do.

He doesnt know I know these things and so I'm having a hard time not saying anything, I just know when I go to tell him he will only say the same old things.

This has been really hard and I am just not sure why he is doing this.

Like I said why does he want me to come back and stay at our home that I love, which is hard to leave anyways, and then he still talks to other women as well, but I could never get by with talking to other men.

I feel a little bit stuck to tell you the truth. Thanks again for the advice, I really appreciate it a lot!

unlucky at love

Thank you 827Aug for the advice and link I will most definitely check that out.

Mom6547

Because he can.

Because he wants to have his cake and eat it too. But he does not want you to.

unlucky at love

So whats a person supposed to do about this sort of thing? I dont understand why I should be the one to have to leave when he is acting like this. I pay the house payment, I just am getting really tired of being dumped on like this.

Mom,

I know you are right about what you said, I think that too. It's hard to think that I married someone like this. Does this make him a bad person? I mean would I be stupid to accept his apologies and try and build a relationship again with him, if I wanted to?

If he can get by with it once, why wouldnt he do it again? He doesnt even show me any respect. The girl he has been seeing has an office two buildings down from where I work at, and he stops by acting like he has came to see me, when in all honesty he is just making sure the coast is clear!!