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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-21-2008, 09:43 PM Thread Starter
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Insecure Wife

I just wanted some input on something. I am married to a beautiful woman who is very insecure. She is always talking about how bad she looks and how fat she is. I constantly tell her that she is beautiful. I've always had a problem with insecure women. To me, it's very unnattractive, but many gorgeous women are like this it seems. My wife goes through my email sometimes, and constantly asks if an ex -girlfriends have emailed me. While watching movies, if a woman's boobs pops out, she will make me cover my eyes, and if I don't, she will cover them for kidding!That makes me want to look more. She brings up my past sex life, making me feel guilty because I had many more partners than she did. I was her first. She doesn't like me working with pretty women that are single. She is also very moody. One minute, I'm great; the next minute I can't do anything right. Anyway, is this normal or healthy? I'm afraid that she may cheat on me because she is so insecure. Any advice would be welcome.
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-22-2008, 07:10 PM
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Re: Insecure Wife

No, its not normal or healthy. when she covers your eyes she is being controlling. let her know her behavior is controlling and will push you away.

Some women are so insecure about their looks because its what they base their self-worth on. If they arent pretty, then they feel men will not stick around. She probably doenst feel there is any other reason why you would stay with her. she probably does not feel you two have much of a friendship.

I think i would suggest to her developing your friendship.
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-22-2008, 09:30 PM
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Re: Insecure Wife

That is a sticky and personal topic for me. I believe I am a beautiful person and have been told that by many people, but deep down I am really insecure about myself. It's not based on "looks" or any one thing in particular, for me it's about abandonment issues. I didn't have a father when I was young and never really had "steady" boyfriends in my life so I've always felt like I wasn't enough to make someone stay or that I had to do or be so much to make someone want to stay with me. Thank God I have grown and now realize that you cannot "make" anyone stay or leave for that matter. I think your wife needs to find her worth and realize that there can be a thousand beautiful women in the room and that still doesn't negate her beauty. It takes a long time and a lot of breakthrough's to get to that level. Just be patient with her, but I wouldn't take it personally that's a level she's going to have to get to on her own.
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-22-2008, 10:49 PM
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Re: Insecure Wife

Originally Posted by deep thought View Post
I'm afraid that she may cheat on me because she is so insecure.
Do you have insecurities also? How long have you been married? Has she always been so insecure? The best thing you can do is to reassure her and always be there for her. While I have always been a very reserved person, I didn't become insecure until my husband gave me reason to. I questioned everything about myself after my husband began seeing other women. I was NEVER a jealous women until then either. It sounds as though your wife is a bit extreme with with her insecurity (& perhaps jealousy). If you know of no reasons for her behavior, counseling may help. Somewhere deep in her mind she has her reasons. Hope you find answers.
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-23-2008, 02:00 AM
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Re: Insecure Wife

reassuring them does little actually. It just plays into it. My wife is a knockout. Very insecure. Was much more insecure when I met her. It actually is easing up in that sense. I have always been a very independent guy who never looked for reassurance from others. I refused to play all the jealousy games with my wife. I flat out called her out on all of it. If I didnt they would perpetuate the behavour.

Being beautiful is a fleeting thing. Most beautiful women know their looks will eventually fade. If their entire self esteem is based on their looks there behavour will reflect that. What you can do is be a good example for her to follow. Not much else will work. It's up to her to develop those qualities within herself.
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