General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Do you ever feel like your husband is comparing you to someone else?
My husband and I are middle class working people. He is in a profession where he works for upper class people.
I think he compares me to the women he works for (two beautiful married women in particular). I might not dress as nicely or take care of myself as well or be as happy-go-lucky as they are...but this is not by choice....it is by circumstance. I can't afford the underwear that these million dollar women wear, let alone the clothing that they wear. I can't afford personal trainers or tanning bed appointments like they do. And last but not least my worries are a little more important than "what color finger nail polish should I put on today". You know what I mean??
No, he doesn't come out and say this to me. Although he constantly mentions how "happy" or "funny" these people are. The kids jokingly call him Uncle ____ at the most recent home. I feel that he is looking me up and down when he returns from working with them. Plus he doesn't act the same or as affectionate to me or our kids. He has never hidden the fact that he thinks this women is very pretty for her age, although he likes her husband very much as well.
I think I will ask him not to compare us...it's just not a fair comparison. Or should I take it as a hint and try to work on myself to be more like them?
Re: Do you ever feel like your husband is comparing you to someone else?
I bet you are fantastic just the way you are. But...
If you can make yourself look even better (without doing something stupid, or having surgery), why not go for it?
You know, my wife is always looking for that perfect outfit, and she is certainly good at dressing. But far and away the sexiest thing she has in her wardrobe is the big smile she wears most of the time. When she smiles like that, I don't care what she's wearing.
Re: Do you ever feel like your husband is comparing you to someone else?
[QUOTE=MarkTwain;1820)
If you can make yourself look even better (without doing something stupid, or having surgery), why not go for it?
.
i promise i dont do n e of the things the women , your hubby knows. i wear vey little make up, no nail varnish. i dont spend lots of money on clothes or make up. even my hair cut costs £6.50 at a training college and i stil get compliments. its not how much you have, its how you look after yourself and put yourself across.
example - im quite a confident person.
clothes tip - dont wear n e more than 3 colours.
match your belt with your boots.
do something your hubby leasts expects when it comes to your appearance.
however i do agree with you, its not nice to b compared and i suppose if it were me i would ask for my hubby to be a little more considerate. but then being the little fighter i am , i actually do better myself.
we do let ourselves go at times ( i know i have), and put in situations by my hubby, e.g his one night stand in april -
i needed to feel sexy again. i needed the drive - not for him, but for me to keep positive.
i had 4 inches cut of my hair , bought just a few items of clothing, new shirt and i got an instant notice from him.
Re: Do you ever feel like your husband is comparing you to someone else?
Quote:
Originally Posted by ljtseng
I definitely feel my H compares me to other women, even though he's never said it.
Im going about it the way MT suggested. I try and appreciate who i am but also try and find new ways to improve my appearance, etc.
I'm also trying to understand that he can appreciate the beauty of other women without it being threatening or demeaning to me.
Its been a complicated issue for me and its taken me years to try and understand.
That's a great answer. I wish more women acted this way. Sometimes we chose to see things in what people say even if they dont imply that message. complimenting other people does not mean insulting the one your talking too.
Re: Do you ever feel like your husband is comparing you to someone else?
I have never been one to worry about comments from my H about the appearance of another woman. He would usually say "what do you think about this or that?" to me so we could both notice.
With that being said... My H was coming home daily telling me things about a specific woman he worked with that was "Just like me" She acts like you she talks like you (specific stories in mind). He started telling me specific things he liked me to wear. It started as a lunch here or there then a drink after work. Then after a couple of months he admitted he was falling in love with her. He is now "trying" to come out of an emotional affair with her. My family is in turmoil.
I hope for your sake it is "nothing" but if your H is talking about the same woman everyday, I would be very careful and even try to plan a short trip just the two of you so you can reconnect with him before it's too late!
Re: Do you ever feel like your husband is comparing you to someone else?
i am sure i get compared to other women all the time. look at all the perfect looking celebrities out there! my boyfriend and i got to meet cindy crawford once and as exciting as that was, she was absolutely georgeous and i looked like a peasant next to her. but i was confident with who i was. my boyfriend went on and on about how beautiful she was and how perfect she looked, but then said that it was all fake. he realizes that she is not real, her beauty (to an extent) is not real and it's because of the money she has that she looks so good. so, remember that. your hubby may think those women look great, but their tans? FAKE! their nails? FAKE! their haircolor? FAKE! their boobs? FAKE! and their happiness may be fake too, you never know.
be confident in who you are and it doesn't matter what kind of clothes you wear or what color nail polish you have on. love who you are and so will everyone else! you are an amazing woman!!!
gabrielbeth
Re: Do you ever feel like your husband is comparing you to someone else?
I got to meet a famous celeb back int he day when i was in college, i worked at a dept store and I stayed after hours witht eh manager so she could have a private "shop" without any other customers in the store, anyway, she was in sweat pants and sweat shirt, no make up and looked horrible, Kelly Labruc (sp?)was the star from weird Science
But I do see beautiful woman and I do comment on them, I LOVE women in the fitness magazines, I love a nicely sculpted women with nice abs, But my wife of 12 year and the mtoher of my three children is far more beautiful then these women can ever be.
The other women are eye candy, my wife is a passion meal.
Asfor your hubby, remember these are cliets, he ahs to kiss their tush's and sometimes the BS gets in the way. Sure I know some wealthy women and they look fantastic, but guess what they can also be the biggest Bit**es as well.
I once had this GEORGOUS, and I MEAN GEORGOUS woman hit on me back in the early days...we were talking, while she was fantasic looking, her personality was complete Garbage, I lated a whole 5 minutes talking to her, before I excused my self and went to go talk to the "normal" looking girl with a great personality.
Re: Do you ever feel like your husband is comparing you to someone else?
I also want to say, the sexiest thing I find from a women, is Self Confidence. If she has Self Confidence in herself and looks, well she goes up a few "points" automatically as opposed to the girl that is very pretty but has no self confidence.
Re: Do you ever feel like your husband is comparing you to someone else?
Quote:
Originally Posted by GAsoccerman
I also want to say, the sexiest thing I find from a women, is Self Confidence. If she has Self Confidence in herself and looks, well she goes up a few "points" automatically as opposed to the girl that is very pretty but has no self confidence.
I couldn't agree with GA any more on that. Be happy with who you are, and what you look like! He chose you to be his wife for a reason.
Re: Do you ever feel like your husband is comparing you to someone else?
Thank you all for such excellent advice and comments!!! I never lacked in self-confidence until the last few years, at which time my confidence has dropped like a rock! But I am working on this!! Physically and mentally!! I have recently lost about 25 pounds.....still have more to lose...that's my main physical fault. Although the "girls" could use some uplifting!! Now I need to look into the mental part of it!! So much has happened to make me feel insecure, but we're moving past it and my marriage is better now than it has been in a long time. The wind is changing and hopefully will continue. I just need to leave the past in the past and work on me!! But it's difficult when your mind wanders and you think your husband is comparing you to these other women!!! Something I need to work on.
Re: Do you ever feel like your husband is comparing you to someone else?
Weight is not a physical fault, being unhealthy is. Think and feel sexy and we will too. I have been into many girls who were by no means "skinny" but had awesome presence, confidence, and respect for themselves.
Do you ever feel like your husband is comparing you to someone else? 
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