03-31-2011, 11:20 PM
Join Date: Mar 2011
| | Staying in a Loveless Marriage
Are you wondering about staying in a loveless marriage? There are a number of people that are living in unhappy "loveless" marriages that are looking for a way to simply maintain the relationship that they have. Everyone has their own ideas about what this type of marriage does or doesn't offer. Loveless can mean a variety of things to different people. Some people think it means no sex while others believe that it means that there is no affection or intimacy whatsoever. There could be regular sex in a marriage, but there could be a lack of emotional closeness that was once present from one or both people. It can be said that each spouse is just merely living together and not in a happy marriage.
There are many times where people stay together in a marriage because they don't want their children to be affected in a negative manner. There are also instances where money may make you stay in a marriage. There are even circumstances where you could be a person that has taken your vows seriously and have decided that you want to make your marriage work. There are ways to get through a marriage that is deemed to be loveless. However, it should be noted that everyone deserves to be happy and you do not have to live in a loveless marriage. You can change a loveless marriage into one that can be happy and very fulfilling.
Your Marriage is Your Marriage and No One Else's: I would like to begin by saying that I do not like the term loveless marriage. This term makes it seem as if the spouses never even cared for each other at all or that the possibility of establishing love is not possible. This makes it very difficult for you to begin to bring love in to the marriage. It is better to acknowledge that your marriage is not at its best right now and that you will have to take effort to make it work. The intimacy issues can be fixed. Stop thinking that your marriage is loveless and begin taking steps to fix it.
It is very important that you stop caring what other people think about your marriage. Your personal life and marriage are for you to focus on and no one else. There may be many entities that will have people believing that if you do not show affection all the time with your spouse than there are obviously marital problems. This is understandable as people that have committed to be married do have a close connection that is deeply rooted in love and intimacy. However, if any of these traits are missing from your marriage at this point it does not mean that your marriage is doomed or that you cannot reclaim your marriage. You just need to focus more on implementing these traits into the marriage. Stop worrying about how others perceive your union and begin the process of fixing it so that you and your spouse can be happy. Don't allow people on the outside to determine what you need to do to make your marriage a happy one.
Don't Settle For a Loveless Marriage: There are many people that choose to remain in a marriage that is without love either because they want to avoid hurting someone or they are doing it in the best interest of the children. The truth is that both the children and your partner are aware that something is amiss. It is very important to note that children are aware of the lack of affection between their parents and if they are raised in such an environment are more likely to fall into the trap of having a marriage that is devoid of love also. Counseling professionals often note that one of the most important things you can give both yourself and your children is the sight of two people that really love one another. This piece of advice should not be taken lightly at all as it is very true that children model what their parents show them.
In many ways, parents are the ones that show their children how to live their lives. You must remember that your children are being provided with an example of how to live their lives each day, and they will take this with them into adulthood. Children are able to see that their home is different from other people's homes, and ultimately this will affect the way in which they are able to form and maintain relationships with others. Growing up in an environment that is devoid of love can deeply affect children in the future.
This is in no way being said to make you feel bad about your home life or to say that your children are not being raised properly. This is a being revealed in order to make it very clear that your actions could very well be affecting your children on a level that you don't comprehend.
Rescuing a Loveless Marriage: If you are reading this article it is because there are obviously issues in your marriage which revolve around there being a lack of love and affection. Perhaps it feels like both of you are just in a routine and there is no spontaneity or time for affection. However, this can be stopped, but someone has to take the initiative and it might as well be you since you've taken the time to find information on this topic. It may make you feel a little uneasy being the one to mention the lack of affection, but it is better to address the problem in order to make things better.
There are two things that you can do. One of them is to simply tell your spouse that the lack of affection and intimacy in the marriage is a concern of yours and you want to improve things substantially. You should really try to emphasize that you want this to be something new different and exciting that you can work on together so that it doesn't sound like a chore. This conversation is the beginning of any steps you will take to add more intimacy to your marriage.
You can also begin the process of changing the marriage by changing the way you act. In the end the only person that we really can control is ourselves. If you want a more intimate marriage than it is necessary for you to begin the process. Start slow and simply. Doing such things as holding your spouse's hand, laughing together or touching him or her lightly can be done without feeling awkward or feeling pressured. Take your time in the beginning and then gradually build to the levels of intimacy over time until it becomes natural.
Being Happy for Yourself: It is always very important for you to also look at your own personal happiness while working on improving your marriage as a whole. It will be very hard for you to get what you want from the marriage if you are not personally fulfilled. You first have to make yourself happy and then you focus on being happy with another person. It is far easily for you to be in a balanced relationship with another person when you have taken the responsibility for making yourself happy. Basically, you have to be happy with yourself in order to be in a position where you can effectively make the marriage better for both parties.
Personally, my husband threatened to end our marriage because he thought there was no love. I didn't want the marriage to end, but I was so focused on the negative in the marriage. Luckily, I came to my senses and begin to change the way I approached my marriage. In the end I was able to reclaim my husband's love and change my marriage completely.
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