Re: Staying in a Loveless Marriage
PLEASE HELP! Good Morning....I'm at a loss...here is my story. I have been married nearly two years and it has been rough. While having a brief courtship, as we had dated 23 years prior, my bf at the time told me he smokes "pot once in awhile." One month later while still living separately (geographically) he proposed and I accepted. Three months later he moved to the state I was as his employment there was ending. We married two months later. He is difficult to live with as he is addictive to "pot." He smokes as soon as he gets up, on way home from work, right before dinner and again before he goes to sleep for the night. This is daily! He comes home from work and goes straight to bedroom to lie down, sleep, etc. gets up only to smoke and eat. I have two children from a previous marriage that are in home. I stress daily about this, but unable to tell him as his temper is bad and it scares me. Another thing is he never wants to do anything. If I spend time in living room with my child after work till time bedtime (9pm) he gets upset by making remarks that we don't spend time together. He refuses to join boys and I at table for dinner or pastime. Our sexlife is nonexistent, once every month if that. If we go anywhere, he gives me a two hour time limit, as he wants to come home. One time I told him I was staying at an outing that we were both at and will be home later, he became upset, didn't speak to me for days. When I express a concern, he calls me B!!!, all other billergerent names. He has hit me in the past. Loosen two teeth. He never really bonded with my boys and that bothers me. He still communicates with exes etc. Please note, if I express how what he does makes me feel, he curses and yells at me, takes his wedding ring off, and doesn't speak to me for days. Our most recent argument was this. My son, junior in high school, first car, had a blow out leaving work. As I began to put my shoes on he asked doesn't he know how to change a flat, as I showed him 2 years ago? I responded, don't know but I'm going to him. Not once did he offer to go. It was pretty bad as the spare my son had was no good so we had to call a toll truck to haul his car to nearest tire place. When I got home 3 hours later 10pm he asked how did it go, I replied you should have been there. He blew up calling me all kinds of names that we haven't spoken in 2 days. Yesterday, I left the house and spent the day with friends and family. It felt great being out of home. Most recently I had some cardiac issues and instead of my spouse taking me to ER my teenage son did as again my spouse was not speaking to me because I chose to stay at an outing with my family for an additional two hours. When I'm ill, he is not there for me at all. Very sad. I maintenance cars, pay bills etc. he does no cleaning, yardwork etc. all he does is smoke, eat, sleep and play his PS3. I am in my mid 40's. He is in his early 50's. Please help me, as I don't know wether to stay or go. HELP!