Long story short, I have a high sex drive (or just normal) and he has a healthy sex drive with his hand and porn. I have been over this many times and am unsure of what to do.
He doesn't let me initiate (turns him off) and rejects me anyway, I have to end up waiting till he is in the mood. Sometimes that can take up to 2-3 weeks at a time ,while he would masturbate 3-5 times a week and watch porn.
I have talked to him about this and his excuses change. He once said its cause he has a problem and needs help (i think thats the honest truth cuz he grew up in saudia arabia - nuff said). Another time he said it's cuz i gained weight (when he rarely approached me during our first few months when I was much thinner), then he said that was a lie and that masturbation was just easier to do...
I confronted him with his recent porn usage, after we agreed he would stop for just two months to see if his desire for sex changes. He didn't even last a few days. I felt very hurt by this.
So now im angry and bitter. Very resentful. I am completely turned off because of this and I don't want to have sex with him again. I can't. Im disgusted and hurt.
d
He keeps trying to approach me now, with his little foreplay advances, and I can't stand it. I don't know what to do.. Do I have the right to be mad and not have sex for a while, or should I give in? in hopes to encourage him to have sex regularly? In hopes that he has actually stopped porn...
Just so fed up. I have been through so much with him. I have no energy left nor the strength to feel rejected again. I just wanted to make love to him and feel like a couple. He doesn't get that.
I deserve better than this. I don't care anymore about what I put us through when I went through that lesbian phase (late bloomong bisexual), which in my defense was not something i wanted or planned nor intended. That was for a year but he has rejected me since we got married (been married for 3 yrs). I knew that when that phase would end that we would end up with our unsolved original issue. To clarify, i only denied sex a few times during that phase, for a few months. The most we went without sex was a month, when his normal rate is usually twice a month.
I went to therapy about all that and got better (also cuz of separation - that helped oddly) . Now we're just back to sqaure one again with his disinterest.
Im 25 and this is only man I have ever been sexually and emotionally comfortable with. I just want to connect.. I feel so unloved when he avoids even kissing me properly!
Should I quit the resentment and act like none of this happened, like he would want me to, and give into his recent advances? I feel like im going to burst. I hold in my anger and frustrations cuz I'm afraid of his temper and cuz im afraid of confrontation. But im hanging on by a thread...
I've already been working on myself just so you know, and have been getting healthier. Its slow progress but its working and for the first time im doing it for myself and not relying on his acceptance and approval. I feel really good about this and I am proud of myself. I am loving myself more.
Side effect of that makes me realize I love myself too much to be trapped in this kind of marriage. He doesn't want to date or go out or do anything besides eating and watching TV with me. Whats confusing is how awfully sweet he is and how emotionally connected we are. It blinds me.
I won't lie, I think about cheating a LOT. Not that I would actually go through with it.. But i find myself looking at personal ads or whatever and wondering what that would be like.
I don't intend on cheating. Im against that. I have discussed open marriage with him before, albeit lightly, and he is opposed to it. Im the type if girl who wants to have a threesome and surprise him with a hot chick for his birthday .i take sex seriously and I take pride in pleasing my man when he is good to me.
I used to get all dressed up for him and surprise him after work or other times when we were first married, and I have rarely ever got him interested. He even was playing xbox one time and i came onto him with sexy lingerie and all kinds of preparation.. And he just said i looked nice and kept playing. You can imagine my shock and pain. So I kinda let go after that and stuffed my face basically after that and went into long bouts of depression and anxiety, because of our marriage among other reasons.
I spent too much time blaming myself and feeling too fat - I can't believe I let someone affect me like that.
Well im taking care of myself now and im getting stronger everyday (I have been submissive and co dependent). I just need to finish my education (long story) and get a job and get out if things don't get better between us. Im not pissing away my 20s after surviving Egyptian society, a controlling father and religious doctrine most of my life. I'm finally free of those traditions and I want to explore. I want to live my life.
He doesn't let me initiate (turns him off) and rejects me anyway, I have to end up waiting till he is in the mood. Sometimes that can take up to 2-3 weeks at a time ,while he would masturbate 3-5 times a week and watch porn.
I have talked to him about this and his excuses change. He once said its cause he has a problem and needs help (i think thats the honest truth cuz he grew up in saudia arabia - nuff said). Another time he said it's cuz i gained weight (when he rarely approached me during our first few months when I was much thinner), then he said that was a lie and that masturbation was just easier to do...
I confronted him with his recent porn usage, after we agreed he would stop for just two months to see if his desire for sex changes. He didn't even last a few days. I felt very hurt by this.
So now im angry and bitter. Very resentful. I am completely turned off because of this and I don't want to have sex with him again. I can't. Im disgusted and hurt.
d
He keeps trying to approach me now, with his little foreplay advances, and I can't stand it. I don't know what to do.. Do I have the right to be mad and not have sex for a while, or should I give in? in hopes to encourage him to have sex regularly? In hopes that he has actually stopped porn...
Just so fed up. I have been through so much with him. I have no energy left nor the strength to feel rejected again. I just wanted to make love to him and feel like a couple. He doesn't get that.
I deserve better than this. I don't care anymore about what I put us through when I went through that lesbian phase (late bloomong bisexual), which in my defense was not something i wanted or planned nor intended. That was for a year but he has rejected me since we got married (been married for 3 yrs). I knew that when that phase would end that we would end up with our unsolved original issue. To clarify, i only denied sex a few times during that phase, for a few months. The most we went without sex was a month, when his normal rate is usually twice a month.
I went to therapy about all that and got better (also cuz of separation - that helped oddly) . Now we're just back to sqaure one again with his disinterest.
Im 25 and this is only man I have ever been sexually and emotionally comfortable with. I just want to connect.. I feel so unloved when he avoids even kissing me properly!
Should I quit the resentment and act like none of this happened, like he would want me to, and give into his recent advances? I feel like im going to burst. I hold in my anger and frustrations cuz I'm afraid of his temper and cuz im afraid of confrontation. But im hanging on by a thread...
I've already been working on myself just so you know, and have been getting healthier. Its slow progress but its working and for the first time im doing it for myself and not relying on his acceptance and approval. I feel really good about this and I am proud of myself. I am loving myself more.
Side effect of that makes me realize I love myself too much to be trapped in this kind of marriage. He doesn't want to date or go out or do anything besides eating and watching TV with me. Whats confusing is how awfully sweet he is and how emotionally connected we are. It blinds me.
I won't lie, I think about cheating a LOT. Not that I would actually go through with it.. But i find myself looking at personal ads or whatever and wondering what that would be like.
I don't intend on cheating. Im against that. I have discussed open marriage with him before, albeit lightly, and he is opposed to it. Im the type if girl who wants to have a threesome and surprise him with a hot chick for his birthday .i take sex seriously and I take pride in pleasing my man when he is good to me.
I used to get all dressed up for him and surprise him after work or other times when we were first married, and I have rarely ever got him interested. He even was playing xbox one time and i came onto him with sexy lingerie and all kinds of preparation.. And he just said i looked nice and kept playing. You can imagine my shock and pain. So I kinda let go after that and stuffed my face basically after that and went into long bouts of depression and anxiety, because of our marriage among other reasons.
I spent too much time blaming myself and feeling too fat - I can't believe I let someone affect me like that.
Well im taking care of myself now and im getting stronger everyday (I have been submissive and co dependent). I just need to finish my education (long story) and get a job and get out if things don't get better between us. Im not pissing away my 20s after surviving Egyptian society, a controlling father and religious doctrine most of my life. I'm finally free of those traditions and I want to explore. I want to live my life.