General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Wife has recently got back in touch with a girlfriend from school she hasnt seen for ages.
They've been getting on great. However, this friend texts her CONSTANTLY, like every 5 mins if she could ALL DAY EVERY DAY.
If we're out together in a restaurant or at the cinema, my wife texts her to tell her but she still texts. We came out of the cinema the other day and she had like 5 texts wating from her friend.
My friend works shifts and sometimes sleeps in the daytime. She texts her friend to tell her but when she wakes up a few hours later theres 5 texts asking her if shes awake yet!
Her friend is married but doesnt go out much but even if she goes out she still texts my wife all night long. If my wife goes out with other friends, she tries to hint to her friend but she still gets texts all night long.
My wife has admitted she gets irritated by it sometimes, and does sometimes leave it a while before texting back. (If she texted immediately her friend replies in minutes). She feels its a but rude to just ignore her though and thinks its just harmless.
Personally, I find it really irritating. Shes not so bad when we're out but at home I find I cant just turn around and talk because shes texting all the time. Not just once or twice ALL DAY EVERY DAY !!!!!
Thing is though I've met her and her husband and they're nice enough people. Her husband is a really chilled out fella but last night her friend texted my wife to say her husband was getting irritated with her texting. Not surprising.
I'm just a bit worried also that this friend is a bit unstable. Surely its not right to focus your attention on one friend all day every day.
But then I'm a guy, and sometimes dont speak or see some friends for weeks on end.
I'm no typical woman because I detest the phone and texting even more. Sure they have their purpose and I use both means of communication but this sounds annoying to me.
However I've got a few chatty kathy's as friends. They've got their blackberry in their hands at all times. Their phones never stops ringing, beeping, texts, you name it. Their husbands however hate it! One knows it so she makes an effort to turn it off when he's home but the others seem clueless.
It freaks me out a bit though. Its one friend and it seems her whole life revolves around texting my wife. No-one else apparently, just her.
I find it really rude that she texts all the time even if my wife says shes out or something. Its as if nothing will get in the way of her texting my wife.
Like I said, apparently last night her husband got irritated by it. Well this is the first time she admitted it anyway.
I don't think there is anything to be freaked out over. I think this woman just has too much time on her hands or is unhappy who knows. My SIL texts my husband ALL THE TIME but he just quits answering her. Many women just love to text and will do it all day long if others allow it to continue (takes 2 to text). The chatty kathy in my life knows I'm not going to sit here and text all day. When I'm done I just stop replying. Problem solved. I think she'd text me all day too if I allowed her to. I have about a 5 text per day/per person limit. Exceed that and I cut you off. They never leave though. They just start over the next day. LOL!!
Here's a funny for you. At a Christmas party the couples played a G rated version of the newlywed game. The question to the FIVE men was "what's the one thing you wish your wife would get rid of?". TWO men said blackberry. LOL!
I agree with Conrad. Your wife needs to respect your time together.
Mr.G is very introverted, whereas I am a social butterfly. I make sure that I set aside time each day for us, no Blackberry or Facebook allowed.
Sometimes my husband will say, "Put your phone away!" I'm addicted to this gadget! Posted via Mobile Device
I don't think there is anything to be freaked out over. I think this woman just has too much time on her hands or is unhappy who knows. My SIL texts my husband ALL THE TIME but he just quits answering her. Many women just love to text and will do it all day long if others allow it to continue (takes 2 to text). The chatty kathy in my life knows I'm not going to sit here and text all day. When I'm done I just stop replying. Problem solved. I think she'd text me all day too if I allowed her to. I have about a 5 text per day/per person limit. Exceed that and I cut you off. They never leave though. They just start over the next day. LOL!!
Here's a funny for you. At a Christmas party the couples played a G rated version of the newlywed game. The question to the FIVE men was "what's the one thing you wish your wife would get rid of?". TWO men said blackberry. LOL!
Definitely too much time on her hands. No kids. Works part time.
I don't think there is anything to be freaked out over. I think this woman just has too much time on her hands or is unhappy who knows. My SIL texts my husband ALL THE TIME but he just quits answering her. Many women just love to text and will do it all day long if others allow it to continue (takes 2 to text). The chatty kathy in my life knows I'm not going to sit here and text all day. When I'm done I just stop replying. Problem solved. I think she'd text me all day too if I allowed her to. I have about a 5 text per day/per person limit. Exceed that and I cut you off. They never leave though. They just start over the next day. LOL!!
Here's a funny for you. At a Christmas party the couples played a G rated version of the newlywed game. The question to the FIVE men was "what's the one thing you wish your wife would get rid of?". TWO men said blackberry. LOL!
Yeh. Thing is with my wife though even if she is bored with the text conversation she hates not replying because she thinks its rude.
Persoanlly I think your approach is better !!! LOL
I agree with Conrad. Your wife needs to respect your time together.
Mr.G is very introverted, whereas I am a social butterfly. I make sure that I set aside time each day for us, no Blackberry or Facebook allowed.
Sometimes my husband will say, "Put your phone away!" I'm addicted to this gadget! Posted via Mobile Device
Her answer is we're only at home watching TV and I can do two things at once why does it bother you?
But, yeh, I'm beginning to resent her friend because I think shes rude. By texting someone constantly you're demanding their attention and she does it even though she knows my wife is otherwise involved.
Tomorrow afternoon is going out for lunch with friends from work. I expect shes told her friend this. However, her friend doesnt work mondays so will be at home bored, but you can guarantee she will deluge my wife with texts all afternoon talking rubbish even though she knows shes out with other people.
Like I said, if wife doesnt answer within 10 mins, she sends another and another and another. I can guarantee wife will find this irritating tomorrow but she will still reply to her....
Yeh. Thing is with my wife though even if she is bored with the text conversation she hates not replying because she thinks its rude.
Persoanlly I think your approach is better !!! LOL
My husband used to think it was rude too (he was getting sick of his sister's texts but kept it going) but we chatted about it and I said "you know you really aren't obligated to sit here all night doing something you don't want to do." I taught him some nice ways of weaning off. Things like responding with one word (or less answers). Keep texting back things like "k" or "lol" or something equally as boring and most people quit. If you want to end it sooner simply say so "busy now I'll chat with you tomorrow" and then just stop.
Your wife is making excuses when she says you guys are just watching tv. It's rude of her to do that. I'm not a big fan of multitasking when my husband is home. I won't say fold laundry while watching tv.
First and foremost, work on your boundaries--if your wife is getting texts and they are not interfering with what YOU are doing (watching TV), then it is not your issue/problem. It is different if you are talking together, going to a movie, actually doing something together. Sounds like you want your wife's undivided attention while watching TV--which is rather selfish, honestly, b/c if you are watching TV, you are not giving her YOUR undivided attention. Figure out why this bothers you so much and address your issues because this is much more important than worrying about your wife's friend.
You may not see it, but the fact that you are on here writing about this suggests it is YOUR issue, not wife's. If she does not want to text friend constantly, she won't--it's that simple. Clearly wife does NOT--you already said she doesn't. I'd be irritated with a friend who texts me 5 times to ask if I'm awake yet--but your wife is NOT, or she'd do something about it.
I have a very good friend who texts too much for my taste--and does it when we are having dinner together, for example, or takes phone calls from others when we are eating together, etc. I think it is inappropriate, but I love my friend and I take it as part of "her." I turn off my phone and don't answer when I'm having a meal with someone else, or otherwise engaged.
BUT, younger people (younger than me) have some different expectations--I'm in my 50s. Some people enjoy the constant connectedmess, others don't. Your wife gets to choose who she is, and unless the texting directly interferes with your time together, let it go. Sounds like your wife has set boundaries with her friend--not answering at movies, etc., so how is this your problem?
First and foremost, work on your boundaries--if your wife is getting texts and they are not interfering with what YOU are doing (watching TV), then it is not your issue/problem. It is different if you are talking together, going to a movie, actually doing something together. Sounds like you want your wife's undivided attention while watching TV--which is rather selfish, honestly, b/c if you are watching TV, you are not giving her YOUR undivided attention. Figure out why this bothers you so much and address your issues because this is much more important than worrying about your wife's friend.
You may not see it, but the fact that you are on here writing about this suggests it is YOUR issue, not wife's. If she does not want to text friend constantly, she won't--it's that simple. Clearly wife does NOT--you already said she doesn't. I'd be irritated with a friend who texts me 5 times to ask if I'm awake yet--but your wife is NOT, or she'd do something about it.
I have a very good friend who texts too much for my taste--and does it when we are having dinner together, for example, or takes phone calls from others when we are eating together, etc. I think it is inappropriate, but I love my friend and I take it as part of "her." I turn off my phone and don't answer when I'm having a meal with someone else, or otherwise engaged.
BUT, younger people (younger than me) have some different expectations--I'm in my 50s. Some people enjoy the constant connectedmess, others don't. Your wife gets to choose who she is, and unless the texting directly interferes with your time together, let it go. Sounds like your wife has set boundaries with her friend--not answering at movies, etc., so how is this your problem?
Sisters,
Thanks for your take on this. I think you have a point maybe.
But, watching TV together although not an undivided attention activity is still spending time together isnt it?
Admitedly, not as bad as if we're out in a restaurant etc.
However, it still concerns me that out of the 4 people involved here. i.e. wife, me, her husband, her the only one that isnt irritated by it at least some of the time is her !!!!
I discovered that Vonage unlimited isn't. If you exceed 5000 minutes a month they warn you. If you do it 3 months in a row they want to move you to s business plan. My exceeded 5000 seven times. She averages in the 4600 range and fills in the difference with 1500 minutes per month on her cell phone. Please don't suggest options I have tried all of them. The only point to this is rude doesn't describe it. Being absolutely indifferent to anyone else is what it is about. Posted via Mobile Device
But, watching TV together although not an undivided attention activity is still spending time together isnt it?
In my house watching tv with my husband IS spending time together. It's our alone time after the kids go to bed. We cuddle, I give him massages, we talk, etc.
No offense to the other poster but to me I don't get the feeling that you are selfish. I say that because I've heard too many men complain about the same thing. For example sometimes I don't sit with my husband when he's watching tv. Sometimes I read or go into the other room to watch something else. Sometimes yes I text. The point is it isn't constant or a daily thing. What your wife is doing is rude and annoying. It's too much but obviously at the moment I will agree it's your problem because she doesn't see it as one...yet. That may change if this continues. I get the feeling she isn't thrilled with it either it just may take her longer to get annoyed than you.
Wifes excessive texting to friend 
