General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Well, that sucks. Why be there, if you can't play in the game. I don't know why men get so wraped up in sports, that they forget about their wife and her feelings. I am not saying he has to give up sports, but his family should come first. You told him how you feel, and got nothing from him. I just wouldn't go, and if he says something, tell him I go there to play the game, not sit and watch. If I have to sit 99% of the time, how will I ever learn to be a better player? ..put that in as he is so in love with the sport. If I can't play, I can find better things to do with my time than sitting on the bench.
Hell, honey, if this still doesn't work with him. Bring a gf and you and her can do hair, nails, and makeup while sitting there.
Hey, it is better than wasting your time and being bored stiff.
Just trying to make you feel a little better about things.
My husband and i got married in may and i am very happy with him and love him.i just recently found out he has lied to me before and i thought our relationship was very open and honest. I know he would never cheat on me but i cant help but to feel like he should be showing me more love and affection than what he has been doing since i am a little insecure about our relationship now..i am not a big softball player but it is my husbands life and really makes him happy. we play on a co-ed team together.this is my first time playing but i dont think i suck that bad.all of his friends and their wives are on the team including a girl he has went out with before. I have played in one game and they dont even put me on the lineup to hit??i sit on the bench and watch which sucks.i told my husband that i did not want to play anymore and he still wants me to go.The girl he has went out with before is a good player and when she makes a good play she comes in the dugout and they talk about it. i notice her cheering him on alot and maybe i feel she is singleing him out. i feel like he would be happier with a girl like her, someone who he has softball in common with.he also has had knee surgery and has been out of work for 6 weeks.the dr just gave him permission to return to work but told him not to run on it.during the game he was runnin and i asked someone to run for him and their reply ws..he said he was ok to run..he seems to not even care about our relationship or the things that could effect us.what should i do??how should i feel??........and i have told him how i feel about the softball girl.it just hurts my feelings that he can talk to her about things like that and he will never talk to me like that.esp when i sit the bench 99% of the time??PLEASE HELP[/b]
If you are interested in being involoved with the game (and you obviously are because you joined the team) why dont you try and get him to give you some one on one time for the two of you to practice....throwing the ball, going to the batting cage etc. You said this girl is supporting him and rooting for him are you doing the same? If you want to fit into the "softball group" you are going to have to take an active role in it. And if that doesnt involve necessarily playing because you aren't good or dont enjoy it....try score keeping most teams are always looking for someone that can keep score.
Now if you decide that the softball angle isnt for you and you dont want to play you still could attend games and cheer him on...now if you dont want to do that because its not fun for you then yeah I would stop going.
you are newly marriwed and sholdnt accept at all that he is regulary seeing his exa ndpaltying soft bakl with her while denying you to do so with him and is having such close interactions with her and close talk too intimates in fact.
You have ot crave fo him to stop that immediatly and for her to leave the tea and found other people to play with.
All show that she is stuill interested in him, try to get his attention, is flirting him IN FRONT OF YOU!! and wlll do all she can to get him back. Meaning one day or another you wont be there and its goig to happen.
i am shocked to see that none of your friends there react to it.
What he is doing is totaly wrong
he shouldbe glad that oyu go along ot come
what i think is that she ask for you to dont play with and he said yes to he rabout it..
it doesnt make sense oyu see. He knew you were new to hte game and will need some weeks practivce and he could have given oyu that practice and still should. HE IS YOUR HUSBAND FOR GOD SAKE!
BUT INSTEAD WHAT HE DO? HE LET YOU on the bench and go play with an ex in forn tof oyu.
it doesnt go at all and is very disrespectfull
crave that she dontcome anymore and htat you come into the game or that he stop totaly playing soft ball.
If he argue back tel him what you told us:" maybe you should have married her so you can play softball with her and talk about it in intimates ways."
I found his attitude suspicious and disrespectfull to you.
His firedns should have reacted ot it and tell him he shouldnt do tat.
If they dont it means they dont respect you either and that when he will cheat on you they wont tell you and wont even disaprouve of that.
maybe he is already cheating on you.
Wow, Sweet Love, that's a pretty strong (and hurtful) statement to make. I didn't even come close to that conclusion when reading her post.
Lovinmyhusband,
I think it's great that you stepped up and decided to play! Getting benched the whole time seems lame but I guess you are on a competitive team...I am a horrible softball player but played on some non-competitive teams and got my shot up to bat. Anyway, I liked the advice from stumped about going with him to the batting cages etc. to get some practice...but if you really don't want to play, I think learning to keep score is a good idea...the lady that did it for my daughter's team asked me to fill in once and I couldn't because I had no clue how but I would guess there is info on it...you wouldn't have to do it officially, but on your own & give you a reason to talk softball with him...you will know all the stats of the game
I like to write little notes when my daughter is playing...especially the hi-lights of what she did well. Another idea if you decide not to officially play would be to bring a digital camera and get pictures of the games. If you see your husband talking to that woman and don't like how it looks...snap a picture and show him later...maybe he will then see why it bothers you.
Anyway, I think supporting him in something he loves is such a good thing to be doing within your marriage...many of us figure that out way too late after we've already gone our separate ways within the marriage.
I agree with the above advice. If softball is something you WANT to do, then I think working with him at home is a great idea. It gives you quality time together doing something you enjoy. If you don't like it, unless he's begging you to play, you could be his biggest fan. If you continue to do something that makes you miserable, your misery will rub off on him. Don't do that to yourself. There are lots of other things you can do together. You could even get a little cheerleading costume to wear for him at home. Men like to feel a sense of accomplishment (don't we all?) and to feel appreciated for their talents. If he knows you're supporting him, he won't give a flip about that woman.
Good news is, he wants you there. And trust me, if he were cheating on you, he wouldn't be asking you to come. Please don't worry about that. It's a non-issue.
It reminds me of that Julia Roberts movie--- I think it was Runaway Bride.? At the beginning of the movie she was high fiving that other woman's husband at the baseball game, jumping up and down, cheering him on in an over-the-top way. The woman let her have it and then they were fine. It was a trip!
Sorry, didn't have time to read everyone else's posts. My husband is an extremely avid softball player... three teams this summer, played, or could have played six games/week. I went to as many games as my schedule allowed. I don't play. Sometimes I keep the book which I think is about as involved as you can get if you're going to sit on the bench. Cheer him on! It sounds like you're letting this girl get to you. I heard Marge Simpson tell someone on Sunday night that you can't rely on other people to make you happy, you have to make yourself happy. You can't give them that power over you. Sounds like you're just upset that you aren't playing and you're letting this girl get to you. He goes home to you after the game, right? Accept that and be glad for it.
The reason you show up for the games, whether you're playing or not is because you're part of the team and you go to cheer the team on! You support them when you show up.
One of my husband's teams has some rules which really help to ease the mood... if you strike out, you owe a case of beer. If you hit a solo homerun, it's a case of beer. If you foul out, it's a case of beer. If there are no more homeruns left, and you hit one, it's a case. And coaches discretion can get you to owe a case of beer, too (like when one of our guys was practice swinging his bat and threw it across the field to second by accident). Let's just say there's almost never a shortage of beverages after a game, and we all hang out and party and socialize and listen to music and just have a good time. It's a real bonding thing. I don't so much go for the games as I do just to enjoy the socializing. =)
you are newly marriwed and sholdnt accept at all that he is regulary seeing his exa ndpaltying soft bakl with her while denying you to do so with him and is having such close interactions with her and close talk too intimates in fact.
You have ot crave fo him to stop that immediatly and for her to leave the tea and found other people to play with.
All show that she is stuill interested in him, try to get his attention, is flirting him IN FRONT OF YOU!! and wlll do all she can to get him back. Meaning one day or another you wont be there and its goig to happen.
i am shocked to see that none of your friends there react to it.
What he is doing is totaly wrong
he shouldbe glad that oyu go along ot come
what i think is that she ask for you to dont play with and he said yes to he rabout it..
it doesnt make sense oyu see. He knew you were new to hte game and will need some weeks practivce and he could have given oyu that practice and still should. HE IS YOUR HUSBAND FOR GOD SAKE!
BUT INSTEAD WHAT HE DO? HE LET YOU on the bench and go play with an ex in forn tof oyu.
it doesnt go at all and is very disrespectfull
crave that she dontcome anymore and htat you come into the game or that he stop totaly playing soft ball.
If he argue back tel him what you told us:" maybe you should have married her so you can play softball with her and talk about it in intimates ways."
I found his attitude suspicious and disrespectfull to you.
His firedns should have reacted ot it and tell him he shouldnt do tat.
If they dont it means they dont respect you either and that when he will cheat on you they wont tell you and wont even disaprouve of that.
maybe he is already cheating on you.
Re: Please read and comment!!i need some advice
I don't know why men get so wraped up in sports, that they forget about their wife and her feelings. I am not saying he has to give up sports, but his family should come first. You told him how you feel, and got nothing from him. I just wouldn't go, and if he says something, tell him I go there to play the game, not sit and watch. If I have to sit 99% of the time, how will I ever learn to be a better player? 
..put that in as he is so in love with the sport. 
If I can't play, I can find better things to do with my time than sitting on the bench. 
