Wiccan

My boyfriend and I have been together for a while, and we live together in a rented house. We have talked about marriage A LOT and he told me before we even got into a relationship that he was in love with me. We would joke around "proposing" to each other while we are watching something romantic or funny. But me being a wedding fanatic, after awhile I stopped doing that and I told him to stop as well. Anyway, my boyfriend is going into the Air Force, and so, he told me he will propose to me one day out of these four months, months before basic.... He never did.... because weeks later(after he told me that), his MOM made him promise not to ask me to marry him til after basic, which is STUPID(btw he is her only child)!!! So now we are in a situation, where he may not be able to go home after basic training from the looks of things and he will go to tech school afterward. Well while he is in tech school we planned to get married so our family can be at our wedding before we get shipped to the first base of our choosing(England). But there is barely enough time to send out wedding invitations and have everything set and paid for, for the big day...... So I have been trying to talk to him into telling his mom that he can't keep that promise, and he keeps getting mad b/c he said talking to her wouldn't do any of us any good. And I almost cried when he asked me to marry him(but he was joking around about that) by typing on my phone back and forth(while we were eating at a sushi buffet restaurant), and I nearly blew up in his face but I kept my calm saying 'don't ever joke around about proposing to me again, because it hurts me. The only time I want you to say them are when you are actually proposing to me.' He looked sad, but we finished our meals and went to watch Paul to lighten the mood...... My question to all of you is how can I convince him that his mom is wrong to make him promise such a thing and that he is an adult and if he wants to propose to me he can without his mommy's permission?

827Aug

If he is a mama's boy, get used to this. He'll be seeking her permission/approval on everything; you will be the proverbial "third wheel". Never marry someone hoping they will change. If you don't like what you see, then perhaps that person isn't for you. I spent almost 30 years hoping someone would change--it never happened.

Wish you the best though.

DawnD

Wiccan -- It is not stupid. And if you really love each other waiting until after basic wouldn't completely cancel your lives together. Her advice is insightful. The military can change a person, and she is basically telling him that if he loves you and you love him, you will still be there after basic training. If you both still feel the same way then he will know the military and his life with you are compatible.

Military life can be hard. She is probably considering all of this in her advice. BTW ... do you even really know what HE wants? Because it almost sounds as if you want her to stop controlling him so you can??

4sure

The advice his mom gave him is called wisdom. Training for the military can, and will make one grow up, mature. It will make one prioritize.
Better to wait, and he knows he wants to marry you, than marry you then think uh oh shouldn't have married.

If it is meant to be it will happen. Slow down, and not rush marriage. Take this time to decide what you want.

AvaTara539

Agree with 827Aug. If he doesn't already know you are the #1 woman in his life to please, that's not going to change.

Wiccan

Ok, I am a military brat, I grew up surrounded by family and friends who are in the military, so I know how it works. He just recently told me that he planned to go against his mothers wishes this past Saturday, because after he goes to basic he will go straight to tech school, and after that England(hopefully). He just didn't want to talk to his mom about asking my hand in marriage, because she will complain and ask why over and over and he said I'm going to do it whether she likes it or not. After basic I plan to go with him to tech school(we are going to ask his commander more details about that later), and while he is in tech school we will get married and we will (hopefully) move to England.

Niceguy13

Wiccan I understand you areamilitary brat but things are different from then and now things are also different when you or your spouse is the service member compared to when your mom or dad is. Please listen to the counsel here. It seems like you are dreaming big and there is nothing wrong with that but your dreams are based off something out of your control setting you up for a huge disapoitment.

DawnD

Wiccan -- How is he going against his mom if he is still waiting until after basic?? LOL. That was the plan of hers in the first place, was it not?

Please do listen , I was a military brat ( until my dad retired when I was 16), an AD Army servicemember, and now a military wife. They are all three distinct and diffrerent things. No one of those is like the other. I am happy that things should work out great for you, but do not discount the wisdom in all of this.