dawn

Hello,

My boyfriend and I just bought a house well he did my name isn't on it...i'm being tagged along lol... we havn't been dating that long and just tierd of renting after the problems we've encountered with our apt. I'm still in school just starting out...i'm 20 he's 29 so he's experianced life alot more than I have thats for sure. He was married before and I found out just before we were supposed to move intogether that the divorce hadn't been finalized yet but they've been separated for 4 years...andy way in may after i asked him about it he went and got it finalized... there's a lil background on us.

Ok so the problem he doesn't do anything anymore! as soon as we moved in together he stopped being the guy that was exactly what i wanted!

I have school and work and i can't take care of everything he expects me to pay half of everything...and do all the work he jokes around that its my job to do the dishes ppl ask us if there's a dishwasher in the new house and he says yup and points to me. i'm the "dishwasher" ahaha funny right :s

I spend my days off cleaning he spend them workig on his boat or out wiht his friends and when I ask for help i'm "nagging" and he does it all in a joking tone like he thinks its funny my apt stinks...the sink is full of dishes the last mountain of them i did at the begingin of the week are still in the drying rack...and i'm the only one who's done any packing and we move in 3 days! Ah you know that tight feeling you get in your chest when ur just so urrrged! thats a frequent feeling...

In no way am i the barefoot woman washign dishes, cooking with a kid attatched to her hip! I'm going to have a career and kids so i'll need this to be an acutal partnership.. I don't need nor do i want and archie bunker type husband...i'm afraid that is what this is turning into i'm scared to go back to school in a couple weeks because i'm afraid i'll be too stressed no with a house to take care of instead of a lil apt, and work

my messy life is frustrating me!

I don't know if i'm still in this for the right reason maybe...hanging onto the man that I first started dating and fell in love with who did everything for me without complaint.

should i stay or go what do i say to him?

we havn't faught yet almost a year now... i love spending time with him he's one of my best friends so much in common... but i don't feel respected what do i do?

your opinons would be greatly apreciated!

steelcurtain

-Hey Dawn sorry that your stressing, have you tried sitting down with him and just laying it all out there? When my wife and I first moved in together it was somewhat the same situation until that oneday.....She had it, she looked me in the eye and said "I am not your freakin mother" I had no idea that she was feeling the way she did, that was my eye opener...and from that day forward I at least try and help out a little bit. I guess what Im saying is communication is key in this equation, if not he might think that is how it is supose to be. Hopefully he respects and loves you enough to want to be a better person for you, plus it will make your relationship that much stronger.

-Im sure your boyfriend is a great guy he just needs to be aware that just because he is in a relationship doesnt me he can just throw up his hands when it comes to the daily tasks at home. Good luck and I hope everything works out.

>One suggestion if I may pre-marriage counseling it helps out tremendously, plus it makes sure that you are both on the same page about all these issues.

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SteelCurtain....GO STEELERS!!!

mamab

I'd say if your name isn't on the deed, dump him and find someone else. He's pulled the wool over your eyes and he won't change. He doesn't want a mate, he wants a slave. I know it's harsh to say, but I think you made a mistake.

babyblues7

I'd say if your name isn't on the deed, dump him and find someone else. He's pulled the wool over your eyes and he won't change. He doesn't want a mate, he wants a slave. I know it's harsh to say, but I think you made a mistake.


I do agree with mamab....but I would at least try talking to him and letting him know how you feel about it. If after you talk to him he acts like you are being naggy then he doesnt respect your opinion on the matter. If he doesnt respect you enough to help you around the house, and see that you are overwhelmed with household chores then maybe its time to say see ya and by the way most men dont change, and considering he is a good bit older then you I would say that the odds are even more against you, but you're young, there are tons of other guys out there, willing to share and be responsible. Good luck

SageMother

There is no reason for you to contribute to a home where your name isn't on the deed, under these circumstances. I think he's being a jerk.

In your shoes, living with him wouldn't be an option. Either I am part of the plan, which includes my name on the deed, or I am looking for someone worthy of my time.