Husband learned new sex moves - good or bad?
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Old 04-12-2011, 05:20 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Husband learned new sex moves - good or bad?

Hi everyone, I would really appreciate some feedback from any of you that can give me your opinions. I have been agonizing over this for a couple days now and I don't know if I am just being a paranoid lunatic or what.

Little background info, me and husband have been together 20 years, sex life has always been tame and vanilla. In these 20 years of sex, I have never had an orgasm with him, ever. Few years back I decided to take on the challenge and learn how to do it myself, successfully . Anyways, since then I have been much more open to experimenting but he is too shy or whatever the problem might be (he is a horrible communicator and also passive aggressive). Over a year ago, I was trying to explain to him about the gspot, he was not really interested in hearing about it - makes him uncomfortable. So I dropped it.

Flash forward a couple days ago, I will apologize now if this is too much information but it is what it is. So the other day we are getting intimate, and out of the blue he is "perfectly" touching my gspot - now when I say perfectly I mean like textbook perfect, no fumbling around. Had the whole "come hither" motion perfected.

Afterwards I am like wow, where did you learn how to do that?
His reply is "well each woman or they say for each woman it is different"
I asked what woman? (He has only been with me and couple others but this is when he was under 18 and they were not experimental at all)
Then he says well you gave me hints - I asked what hints did I give you - we haven't talked about this in over a year?
Then he exploded with anger. Telling me to shut the fu@k up, and fine he is never doing that again, he's sorry he even had sex with me etc etc.

He said I was accusing him of cheating, when I thought maybe he just took some initiative and googled it or read it somewhere or asked a buddy, I was just interested where he found out how to do it perfectly.

Now since the whole fiasco my gut is churning, I just have this feeling in my gut that he has cheated on me. It doesn't seem logical to me why he would explode with anger - my tone was not accusatory at all when I asked him. I have been searching everywhere for any possible signs that he might have - checked cell and computer, nothing. So have I lost it and am just being paranoid or what would any of you think if you experienced this?

I thought maybe he might be too shy to admit he googled, but I know for a fact he didn't - I checked history - recovered deleted history and there is no indication of reading up on gspot.

Please anyone what are your thoughts on him learning this new trick out of the blue without any reading reference, and by the way he exploded with anger. Thanks so much.
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Old 04-12-2011, 05:48 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband learned new sex moves - good or bad?

Idk if he's cheating but he *definitely* overreacted to you
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Old 04-12-2011, 05:58 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband learned new sex moves - good or bad?

I've been married 19 years and occasionally out of the blue my dh pulls out a move that I had no idea he was even aware of. It never even dawned on me that he'd cheated. I just assumed he got the information elsewhere. Playboy, internet (could use another computer - there are lots out there), listening to other guys talk, tv, anywhere. These days you can turn on the OWN network and watch a talk show that's nothing but sex. Or what about talk radio? Satallite radio has plenty of them.

I've never questioned where he learned it nor do I care really since I know he isn't cheating. Usually my question is "where did that
come from?" not "where did you learn that?"

As far as YOUR computer goes I know how to delete history, deleted files, and if I wanted to go even further I'd reset my computer to a back date and it's like it never even happened....
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Old 04-12-2011, 06:02 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband learned new sex moves - good or bad?

Nice move on your part. The one time he satisfies you condemn it. Awesome.
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Old 04-12-2011, 06:10 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Nice move on your part. The one time he satisfies you condemn it. Awesome.
Glad someone had the guts to say this cause I sure didn't but was thinking it.
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Old 04-12-2011, 06:11 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband learned new sex moves - good or bad?

Thanks for the replies - The fact that he demonstrated a new move isn't what is bothering me the most, it was his reaction when I asked. I try to put myself in the reverse situation and if I did some new great move and he asked where that came from or where I learned it - I would answer it honestly, whether that was google or wherever. I certainly wouldn't be angry - why would I?

My first reaction was not that he cheated, it was oh he has been using google productively lol, so I asked, I have been attempting to open doors on sexual talk etc so I thought maybe he was just researching things as well. Was not prepared for the major angry response I received.
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Old 04-12-2011, 06:13 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Nice move on your part. The one time he satisfies you condemn it. Awesome.
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Old 04-12-2011, 06:13 PM   #8 (permalink)
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You gave him the third degree and he obviously didn't want to tell you so why didn't you drop it? And <radical concept> just say thank you that was AWESOME!! When I read up a new move I don't want to fess up to my dh that I'd researched it. Makes me seem so nerdy and I don't want to go there.

I also wouldn't want him to see what I've googled. I think it's so lame although he knows good and darn well that I do it.
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Old 04-12-2011, 06:24 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Okay I understand written text can never portray what my tone was when I talked to him, but he certainly did not get any third degree or 50 million questions. I was laughing when I asked him, and it was more like "wow where did you learn that!" I was excited and happy that he was taking some initiative. I was not angry, not accusatory.

I certainly did not condemn him
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Old 04-12-2011, 06:30 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband learned new sex moves - good or bad?

You asked him about other women .... You questioned his comment about you giving hints.

You didn't like his answer, so you started criticizing.
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Old 04-12-2011, 06:45 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Nice move on your part. The one time he satisfies you condemn it. Awesome.
Blunt, Raw and Cynical. You have a way with words RLD, I like your style!
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Old 04-12-2011, 06:53 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband learned new sex moves - good or bad?

It sounds like sex is an uncomfortable topic for him altogether. I wouldn't necessarily jump to him having an affair. I think it's far more likely that he's spent a lot of time thinking about this and finally got up the nerve to do it. I do think he overreacted, but this is one of those times you'll have to ignore his wrongdoing and apologize...if you want your sex life to improve. Tell him that in your state of extacy you chose the wrong words and were really just trying to let him know that he was fabulous. Then do whatever it is that makes his toes curl.
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Old 04-12-2011, 07:04 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Yes at the time it did occur to me that he "lucked" out and this time it worked. But that is not the case, he knew full well what his goal was and how to do it - he all of a sudden knows this information.

I think perhaps I didn't explain myself very well in my first post, when he said "well each woman or they say for each woman it is different"
I asked what woman?

I referred to what woman is this different for? As far as anatomy, we are all pretty close in that department, sure what feels good etc is different but how to find it is pretty basic on each woman.

He said I gave hints - I wondered what hints he is referring to - so I asked - is that considered criticism?

All of you have given me pretty much the same answer - so I guess his outburst of anger was justified and I should not ask questions anymore and just go with the flow. Just forget about opening a door to sexual communication. I guess I will never experience that again either but it is my own fault isn't it. Thanks for your honest replies.
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Old 04-12-2011, 07:10 PM   #14 (permalink)
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It sounds like sex is an uncomfortable topic for him altogether. I wouldn't necessarily jump to him having an affair. I think it's far more likely that he's spent a lot of time thinking about this and finally got up the nerve to do it. I do think he overreacted, but this is one of those times you'll have to ignore his wrongdoing and apologize...if you want your sex life to improve. Tell him that in your state of extacy you chose the wrong words and were really just trying to let him know that he was fabulous. Then do whatever it is that makes his toes curl.
Thanks WhereAmI, he is VERY uncomfortable with the topic of sex. I never asked questions while this was happening, I asked after the fact about an hour later. I do agree with you, I know I will have to apologize, even though in my heart all I did was ask a simple question that didn't call for ripping my head off. But for the sake of harmony I will apologize, this is a constant when married to a passive aggressive.
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Old 04-12-2011, 07:15 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Yes at the time it did occur to me that he "lucked" out and this time it worked. But that is not the case, he knew full well what his goal was and how to do it - he all of a sudden knows this information.

I think perhaps I didn't explain myself very well in my first post, when he said "well each woman or they say for each woman it is different"
I asked what woman?

I referred to what woman is this different for? As far as anatomy, we are all pretty close in that department, sure what feels good etc is different but how to find it is pretty basic on each woman.

He said I gave hints - I wondered what hints he is referring to - so I asked - is that considered criticism?

All of you have given me pretty much the same answer - so I guess his outburst of anger was justified and I should not ask questions anymore and just go with the flow. Just forget about opening a door to sexual communication. I guess I will never experience that again either but it is my own fault isn't it. Thanks for your honest replies.
Anatomicaly you are all pretty similar down there but I assure you there are differences and for us they are pretty different. I have been with women where the come hither is almost a captain hook and other women where I can barley bend my fingers.
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