Husband thinks I'm boring
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Old 04-14-2011, 08:30 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Husband thinks I'm boring

To sum up our relationship, we met in December of 09', fell in love while he was stationed in Japan for a year. He came home and married me during his leave and went back to Japan till Jan 11'. I gave up my whole life to move with him to Italy where his follow on tour was at. I thought life would be great.
We had just found a house in Italy and I found out I was pregnant. Ever since then things aren't the same. He said at first he didn't want to have sex because he was afraid of hurting the baby. Then he said it was hard to get aroused because I was starting to show and my new pregnant body didn't turn him on.
He has told me he wished I wasn't pregnant, because then he could leave me. He told me I was no fun to be around, and that it feels like we are just roommates.
I don't know what to do, I tried explaining to him that I don't feel good (because of pregnancy), I don't feel loved (lack of sex, no cuddling), and I am in a different country, I don't have any of my best friends here. I feel alone as I sit at home all day waiting for him to come home. When he get's home, he works out, eats dinner, and is on the computer till bed. Once in bed he throws a pillow over his face and goes to bed.
I don't want to lose our marriage, I still love him with all my heart. I don't need this extra stress though either. I am afraid that once I have this baby, he will divorce me and I will have to move back to the states and try to find a place to live, a job, and try to figure out custody of our child while he is still in Italy for 2 more years.
He said we should go to counseling, but he won't even talk to me about anything. I feel like we shouldn't be in this situation yet, since we have only been together for four months now. I feel like he is just giving up on us too soon. What's worse is I don't have anyone to talk to about this. My parents and friends were already warning me about moving out of the country with him, I can't tell them what's going on without the "I told you so". I need help, every time I bring it up to him, he always puts the blame on me, he never takes responsibility for anything.
He is a good guy, and when things were good, I swear I was in a fairy tale. I just want that feeling back.
Any suggestions on what to do?
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Old 04-14-2011, 08:42 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband thinks I'm boring

What he is doing is not Ok at all. How dare he treat you like that.


If he is on the computer all the time, is there another woman? His treatment of you is really very odd.

You deserve to feel loved and wanted. No life isn't going to be like a fairy tale, but both people if they really love each other, will put each other first and put a big effort into the relationship.

Honestly despite being pregnant i think you should leave. You don't have to be lonely and alone in a marriage and treated like rubbish. You should go to your family and let them help you through this. Don't spend one more day allowing him to treat you this way.
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Old 04-14-2011, 08:48 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband thinks I'm boring

I think you should leave too if for not for you for your baby. You and your baby deserve to be happy, loved, pampered, all of it. I know you don't want to hear I told you so's from your family but in the end won't they care for you anyway?

Go home and let them love you. You certainly aren't being loved where you are.
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Old 04-14-2011, 09:15 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband thinks I'm boring

He has point blank told you that if you weren't pregnant he would leave you. What does that tell you? IMO he has already "left" you and the marriage. His body can remain in the home with you, but for all practical purposes, he has already checked out of the marriage.

He has said some hurtful and mean things to you. Do not kid yourself if you think this will get better. Your best bet is to get out now. Move back to where you were before you moved with him. You need to be around family/friends and have some kind of support.
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Old 04-14-2011, 09:34 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband thinks I'm boring

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He has point blank told you that if you weren't pregnant he would leave you. What does that tell you? IMO he has already "left" you and the marriage. His body can remain in the home with you, but for all practical purposes, he has already checked out of the marriage.

He has said some hurtful and mean things to you. Do not kid yourself if you think this will get better. Your best bet is to get out now. Move back to where you were before you moved with him. You need to be around family/friends and have some kind of support.



When someone shows you who they are believe them!!!!

He has already shown you what kind of person he is. He has said hurtful things to you. He has told you that if you were not pregnant he would leave you. What more do you need?

Forget about the 'I told you so" you are scared of from your family. Hasn't you husband already said worse things to you? Call your family and talk to them about coming home. Get out now before it gets worse.
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Old 04-14-2011, 10:59 AM   #6 (permalink)
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When someone shows you who they are believe them!!!!

He has already shown you what kind of person he is. He has said hurtful things to you. He has told you that if you were not pregnant he would leave you. What more do you need?

Forget about the 'I told you so" you are scared of from your family. Hasn't you husband already said worse things to you? Call your family and talk to them about coming home. Get out now before it gets worse.

I agree too, do you have someplace to go at home?
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Old 04-14-2011, 11:43 AM   #7 (permalink)
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It's really hard for me just to give up and leave. I feel like I should try and work things out with him. I am strongly against divorce, especially now that a baby is involved. I have my parents back home who would take me in, I just think that moving back and trying to cope with all this will put me in danger of a miscarriage. I am only 10 weeks along.
I'm wondering if he is just going through something, or someone is putting thoughts into his head that is making him treat me this way. It probably seems easy for anyone reading this to just pick up and leave, but it's not that simple for me. I sent his sister an email, hoping maybe he has told her something. I don't know....
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Old 04-16-2011, 08:48 AM   #8 (permalink)
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It's really hard for me just to give up and leave. I feel like I should try and work things out with him. I am strongly against divorce, especially now that a baby is involved. I have my parents back home who would take me in, I just think that moving back and trying to cope with all this will put me in danger of a miscarriage.And what will staying in this situation do? It seems to me that being surrounded by people who love and care for you would be better for you and the baby than being with someone who treats you badly. I am only 10 weeks along.
I'm wondering if he is just going through something, or someone is putting thoughts into his head that is making him treat me this way.Well you haven't really touched on this, but his behavior and what he has said to you about wishing you were not pregnant so he could leav, I would bet that the someone who is putting thoughts in his head is another woman. You were apart for a long time, he could easily have met someone else. It probably seems easy for anyone reading this to just pick up and leave, but it's not that simple for me.No, no one thinks it is simple to just pick up and leave, but it's not good to stay in a bad situation. By the time a lot of people get around to leaving their biggest regret is not the break up of the marriage - it is that they wasted so much time trying to fix something that couldn't be fixed. There are plenty of situations where I would advise a person to stay and try to work it out -but this man has told you he doesn't want to be married to you. What more do you need? I sent his sister an email, hoping maybe he has told her something. I don't know...Are you and his sister close and friends? Be careful involving his family, remember blood is thicker than water.
Plus I'm kind of curious, would you mind sharing why your parents warned you about moving out of the country with this man?
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Old 04-18-2011, 03:30 PM   #9 (permalink)
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IMO I think firstly, you should sit down and have a major talk with him asking questions as, do you still love me?, are you willing my make this work, I feel this way, etc. etc. Secondly, I'm assuming you don't work, you need to do something for yourself instead of waiting at home for him. Guys want women who keep them on there toes, guys want what they can't have, that being said, go get a job that you enjoy. If you don't want a job get out and do things, hair, nails, go for walks, go to the gym go do stuff without him make him wonder and let him know that you are capable of being happy on your own Show him that you are not boring! Do sweet things for him, bring him home a sweet card with his fav candy, or by him something he likes? See how this works
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Old 04-19-2011, 09:42 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband thinks I'm boring

My retort to that comment would have been: "You're boring too!"

What makes him think that he's so damned exciting?

What a clod.

Before you start pointing fingers at someone else you better make sure your own backyard is clean.

I would like to know what your definition of a "good guy" really is - because this isn't one.

He's using the excuse that you are boring, unattractive while pregnant, etc., to justify his behavior towards you - there is no justification. He's being an a$$hole - and deep down - he knows it.

All military bases have MFLCs (Military Family Life Consultants). Check with your Airman & Family Readiness Center (if Air Force), or Family Support Center (for other services) to get information on how to contact the MFLC. They offer "free" and "private" counseling, individually and marriage counseling.

You need it.

Regardless of whether a baby is involved or not, would you want him treating your child like this because he resents it existing? It's one thing to keep yourself in a relationship like this because you are an adult and can make your own decisions.

But it's up TO YOU to protect your child, at all costs.

Get this worked out or get out. A child does not deserve to grow up in this type of atmosphere.

Divorce - not always a bad ending if the situation warrants. Could be a blessing in disguise sometimes.

If he is that easily swayed by the thoughts of others, then he has a long way to go in reaching maturity.

Get some free help from the MFLC and maybe you can get to the bottom of what is "really" going on.

Good luck dear.
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Old 04-25-2011, 07:25 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Husband thinks I'm boring

#1. He signed on for better or worse--this is not worse, you are pregnant--congrats by the by, men are stupid and scared when they dont know anything. He helped the creation of another life instead of killing one. Your body will go back to where it once was with some work, but now your relationship is heading for a new dynamic with a baby. You and he, need to find a way to communicate, thru letters, thru texting, whatever. Something is not right here. Why did he marry you to begin with? Isnt having a baby a part of marriage on the way to making a family? Sorry, I dont get the I would leave you if you werent pregnant speech, sounds like someone has already become a quitter and a coward---by the by, most men cant stand either word ...ever. If he wants to do counseling, jump on that horse, whether its a priest or therapist, whatever, get his behind in there and start figuring out what his problem is.

#2 If this is going nowhere, take a break from him and go visit home or to a lady friend's house. Let that marinate him for a few days and see where it goes. Marriage is tough sometimes, but when only one person wants it, they have to remind the other one what this is all about. You are having a baby together, time to grow up about and meet the adults in the room.
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