Wow! You have received a lot of good advice here, and you have shared your heart with us. Thank you for opening your personal very intimate life to us. As I discovered with Jennifer, every situation is as different as every person. The facts are that your husband is doing this for some reason. His doing this is hurting you. You have told him that it hurts you and he still did it again.
I own a transmission business and I can relate your situation to my business. When a vehicle is brought to me with a problem transmission my first action is to find out where it failed. If I can find the cause of the failure I can fix it so it doesn't break again. Finding the base problem is the key to fixing any transmission. If I rebuild the transmission without finding what caused the failure to begin with, many times it will break again very shortly. You and your husband need to work together to find out "why" he is doing this. If you can get to the bottom of that, you can probably make lasting changes. If you never fix the problem, you may never truly be free of him returning again and again.
Of course that's just one opinion of many, and it is worth about as much as it cost. Take it with a grain of salt, and know that my warmest wishes are with you and your husband in working through this.
babyblues7 ~ Since you haven't posted here in a few weeks I hope that is a sign that things are getting better. It sounds like you are trying to save your marriage instead of just bailing on it. I hope it is going well and hope you keep us updated including what you have done to make it better.
Haha...thanks for that granite heart...I loved your analogy, very true!! And yes and no things to things going better. He has said that the reason he feels the need to talk to other women is because he is lonely and that i dont talk much, but when i do talk he doesnt seem to be listening, and I have a lot of different interests that he unfortunately doesnt share, so we really dont have any "bonding time". I know I can see his side of course, but why if he is lonely that the only things he talks to these woman about is usually of a sexual nature. The biggest problem with me is anymore, I dont feel attracted to him anymore, I feel disgusted when he touches me...I keep thinking of all the things he has done, and granted he didnt have an affair, but I still feel betrayed and hurt. I think if it would have just been the one time that it happened it wouldnt have really been that big of a deal, but its repetitive. I really do appreciate all the great advice..it has truly helped. God Bless...
To be honest draconis I dont think I really care anymore. I really dont know what to do either way. Divorce is a hard decision to make, and I keep thinking that maybe if I wait it out that things might get better. I am not really trying anymore, and I know he notices. I cant help it though I have tried in the past, and he has constantly gone back to his bad habits. I know he feels bad about it, but I just wonder if this could happen if 2 people really loved each other. I am just wore out..
He has hurt you on a fundamental level. It might take years to fix it. Only you know for sure how much you can endure and decide if you could wait two or ten years while the hurt is fixed. But if he keeps going back to it that means the healing process can not yet begin if at all. He has lost trust in you. This has cause a break down of communications which I see as the base to every working relationship.
The part that is the hardest to read is that your husband did this again after you told him that it hurt you.
For the relationship to work your husband has to want to fix things and has to go out of his way to do it. If not then the question is can you live like this for the rest of your life and what if these habits get worse?
Divorce is hard. But sometimes you can leave something that isn’t working and find something better.
Re: Unfaithful?
