ok, so i was talking to the ex and he said how hurt he was that when he moved out i didn't chace after him or beg for him to come back. if i knew that's what he wanted i would have done that, but i'm not a mind reader. i didn't know. i thought he wanted out of the marriage, that's why he moved. he didn't want to be with me anymore so i had to let him go. i'm not understanding his logic. if someone could explain to me how i should have known to run after him that would be greatly appreciated.
But who's to say if you had run after him, he wouldn't have complained that he needed his space? I did the running after my spouse, begging, etc and that didn't work. Nor would the 180 program had worked. I think there becomes a point where neither works. I've long since given up on even trying to understand or mind read.
Your ex-husband was obviously being manipulative to get attention. He may have low self-esteem. My advice would be to not worry about understanding his 'logic' and focus on the only thing you can control - yourself. Think about how you can improve yourself, and if you wish it, it may not be too late to rebuild your relationship. Alternatively, if you wish to move forward, you can focus on improving yourself for your future partner. I've found that focusing on understanding other people's behaviours is damaging because we can spend hours trying to get into someone's head and get nowhere, whereas if we spend 5 minutes exploring ourselves we can accomplish so much more.
I think he wanted attention. What was the reason of breakup?
It seems that he missed attention from you from (sex, affection) and was not feel loved. As a man it is hard to express this kind of feelings especially affection. We feel like if we express is unattractive and feel like is a woman's caraxted to ask for these.
In my opinion to play game to gain attention is childish and the result is like that, you loose big time.
He seems like he want you back. If you feel the same, meet and answer 5 love language test with him and tell each other to be honest even to your feelings, promise to each other to respect and understand each other feelings and be able to to fullfill them. no more games are required.
If only you had chased him! He was just waiting for that ONE thing, and then all would be well? Be glad you didn't chase him then and certainly don't chase him now. This sounds like something a 12 year old might say.
I've been thinking how ridiculous that sounds. People move out for "space". No wonder you are having a hard time understanding. His actions say something total different from his words. I stand by my earlier post. It's a waste of brain activity analyzing what he meant. He may not even know himself.
Sometimes he gives off this vibe that he wants to get back together and sometimes he keeps his distance to make sure hwe only stay friends. We communicate better now. We talk or text almost everyday, though i'm usually initiating the conversations, but he seems enthused when we talk. i don't know if i'm doing the right thing talking to him more, all i know is it feels good and i'm not angry at him anymore. he just can't seem to get over our past problems while i have.
I guess the question you need to ask yourself then is: "Have you changed?" If not, then the relationship may just end up in the exact same place. You can't tell if he has changed but you can control what you will bring to the relationship and if you have eliminated any damaging behaviours that previously contributed to the deterioration of the marriage.
Wishing you all the best.
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