Re: Depressed wife, won't get help
Well I told her I didn't want to join the navy, and that I don't think it will help anything...I told her I think she is just putting all her hopes on this for whatever reason, but from past incidents it won't change anything at all. She said she KNOWS it will help because it will force her to do chores and take care of herself since I won't be there (right now I do most things, she has extreme social phobias and I can hardly get her to leave the house). One of the reasons she wants me to join is because she WANTS me to be away from her, and thinks that will solve her depression too. She started talking about how I've made her depressed and suicidal and a social-phobe, as she has done before. I think this is possible; I am not the best of husbands, and am a pretty "cold" person usually, not having a good handle on my emotions, and I have treated her distantly in the past. We've also had intimacy problems, which leads her to think I don't lover her and find her unattractive. So I can certainly think I have not been very helpful to her mental health.
Anyway, I told her I wish she'd go see a therapist (I have been to a marriage one before, and she never went then either when I asked, and later claimed I never told her it was a marriage counselor), because it would allow her to talk to someone besides me. I also decided to take the suicide threat seriously and told her I'd call 911 if she threatened to kill herself again.
She completely freaked out, starting saying I was threatening her with therapy, I had no idea what they did to suicidal people, that she wasn't crazy and they would take her away and put her on watch and it would be on her medical record, and it wasn't my place to take away her choice.
I told her I needed a few minutes to think and shut myself in the bathroom. She threatened to leave and started throwing stuff in the suitcase. She finally guilted me into coming back out, saying I had promised to never walk out on a conversation again. She then started to throw up and went into the bathroom herself to sit down.
Then she started to have some bleeding, which was very strange because she can't have a period normally, and the last time was three years ago when she was on birth control her doctor prescribed to help her have a period. Then she told me she thinks she was two months pregnant but didn't test since she didn't want to be wrong like in the past. Her tummy cramped and her back hurt. She'd been having heartburn and strange fevers the past few weeks, and had seemed to get more hungry lately. I don't know if it's possible or not. I hope it was just a fluke.
We semi-calmed down. This whole thing took four hours. As we were laying in bed (she is very angry with me and says she considers our relationship over, since I didn't love her enough to do the one thing she wanted: join the navy) she kept asking why I didn't "fix it". I say I have no idea what to even do or where to start. I had apologized for making her so panicked, I do feel really bad about that and should have stopped when it started to get that way. She always tells this to me at the end of arguments. That I never "fix it" or do anything to "make it better". I apologize and she throws back that I'm not really sorry or I wouldn't do it. I say I love her and she tells me I don't and to prove it. But if I don't apologize or say I love her, she tells me I could have fixed it by saying that.
I'm running out of steam.