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post #31 of 482 (permalink) Old 01-29-2015, 02:49 PM
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Re: I asked him to move out.

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Originally Posted by GA HEART View Post
He just texted and said he was sorry he's been acting badly. That he's not angry anymore. He's ready to handle this without emotion or ugliness. We will work out the details and he will move out this weekend.

Why does he choose NOW to act maturely? Why couldn't it have been months ago?
Reality is setting in.

Stick to it, I'm pretty sure you gave him WAY too many chances.

He will have to learn from that for next relationship....I guess.

I would tell him "it has taken a toll, I can no longer tolerate you, please go"

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post #32 of 482 (permalink) Old 01-29-2015, 03:12 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I asked him to move out.

Thank you, DoF.....it means a lot.

And I know this is him just trying a new tactic. And I know letting him "off the hook" at this point is perhaps one of the stupidest things I can do.

I really wonder if he can change himself? We "got" each other very well in a lot of ways......ironically enough, it was just living together (home stuff) that brought the discord out.
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post #33 of 482 (permalink) Old 01-29-2015, 03:26 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I asked him to move out.

Should I go "no contact" after all is said and done? I haven't really thought that far in advance. Last night he pretended like nothing was wrong, even joked about "dating" after he was out. And tried to initiate sex. (Which I turned down. First time for everything.) Last night was surprisingly drama free and even somewhat pleasent. (The ugly happed today.) We watched TV together. I was so hoping we could reamain civil......I don't know what I'm walking into this afternoon when I get home.
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post #34 of 482 (permalink) Old 01-29-2015, 03:42 PM
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Re: I asked him to move out.

I think the 180 is what you need to strive for.

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post #35 of 482 (permalink) Old 01-29-2015, 04:29 PM
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Re: I asked him to move out.

HBe careful tonight

The day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to Blossom. - Anais Nin
Never underestimate the potential for things to improve in ways you cannot yet imagine. Karen Rohlf
Be soft as possible, but firm as necessary - Pat Parelli

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post #36 of 482 (permalink) Old 01-29-2015, 04:38 PM
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Re: I asked him to move out.

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Originally Posted by GA HEART View Post
He just texted and said he was sorry he's been acting badly. That he's not angry anymore. He's ready to handle this without emotion or ugliness. We will work out the details and he will move out this weekend.

Why does he choose NOW to act maturely? Why couldn't it have been months ago?
Because maybe he thinks you'll respond to the new grown-up him and let him stay? Talk is easy. Don't focus on words. Actions are a lot harder. Look at them -- over time.
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post #37 of 482 (permalink) Old 01-29-2015, 04:50 PM
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Re: I asked him to move out.

Distance yourself emotionally until he's gone and then go no contact. You don't share children so there will be no reason to stay in touch with him.

The person you are living with is obviously different from the person you dated. Be glad you found that out before you married him.
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post #38 of 482 (permalink) Old 01-29-2015, 07:25 PM Thread Starter
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This is pretty sh*tty and I'm not handling things well at all.
He is being fine. He agrees that I am right, we aren't good for each other and he's resinged to moving out.
I've cried all night. So much for being emotionless. I did say that I'm not changing my mind to which he replied a jovial "I know."
He's hugged me, he says we will still be friends.
This is crazy painful. And I'm not handling things wel at all.
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post #39 of 482 (permalink) Old 01-29-2015, 08:08 PM
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Re: I asked him to move out.

I'm really very sorry for your pain! Internet hugs! ��
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post #40 of 482 (permalink) Old 01-29-2015, 08:55 PM
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He is being fine. He agrees that I am right, we aren't good for each other and he's resinged to moving out.
Right,,, until he breaks your resolve. Shortly thereafter, you'll be wrong again.

That list of mean sht he said to you in an earlier post, GA. You wanna paste that in a notebook/Word doc or have it open in a second tab so you can remind yourself in a click.

When you type out his sweet platitudes (manipulations) it's like hearing them twice.

Reinforce the bad stuff to negate the (false) good.

He's learned all your buttons and he's playing you like a pro. Like the slot-machine guy who knows what's around the back of the reel when you get a bunch of nudges.

Someone who spewed that list of hate won't hold out for long.

Right now, he's still where he wants to be and confident he can break you. Get past your previous breaking point and that confidence will crumble.

Remember the hate to stay strong. Then watch and learn.

You can do it, GA.
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post #41 of 482 (permalink) Old 01-29-2015, 09:19 PM
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Re: I asked him to move out.

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Originally Posted by GA HEART View Post
This is pretty sh*tty and I'm not handling things well at all.
He is being fine. He agrees that I am right, we aren't good for each other and he's resinged to moving out.
I've cried all night. So much for being emotionless. I did say that I'm not changing my mind to which he replied a jovial "I know."
He's hugged me, he says we will still be friends.
This is crazy painful. And I'm not handling things wel at all.
You need to stay emotionally strong.....and away from him.

He is nibbling at you.....distance yourself. Faster he goes, the better.

I don't believe in relationships/friendships with ex......but that's just me.

You feel ****ty, because you are SUPPOSE to feel shiiity. That's what break ups are about. Focus on the bright/healthy future......not the jerk that has ruined the relationship.
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post #42 of 482 (permalink) Old 01-29-2015, 09:55 PM
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Re: I asked him to move out.

He's agreeing because he wants to show you how grown-up he can be (or else he didn't care as much as you thought). My guess is he's playing you. Do you really think he changed that drastically in a day? No.

Break-ups are hard. No getting around it. But you'll get through it and come out better on the other side. Focus on getting him out. And forget about being friends with him. That's what he's counting on as a way back in if you go through with ending it.
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post #43 of 482 (permalink) Old 01-30-2015, 03:16 AM Thread Starter
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He finally did get mad. His dad called him, very upset abour something. And for whatever reason that set him off. Told me to take the house, car his uncle sold to me, and my feelings and shove them up my behind. It was kinda out of left feild, but i suppose that's how all this has been. He did tell me that he told his parents thst this was a mutual decision because we Just can't see eye to eye on some things and asked me to corroborate that story if asked by his family. He also said to not contact them because, "you have your support, they are all I have for my support. " to me this translates into. .... don't tell my parents what an ass I am so I can manipulate them too.
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post #44 of 482 (permalink) Old 01-30-2015, 03:43 AM
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I asked him to move out.

It's about him looking good in the eyes of the people who matter to him. If he really cared about repairing things, he would not hide behind dishonesty.

You are a human being and can make your own decisions about what you say, do, and whom you choose to speak with.

I felt as you do about his parents - I was extremely attached to my in-laws, but over time I learned that blood truly was thicker than water and I had to form a different kind of support net for myself eventually. It was not possible for me to maintain a relationship with them and be able to heal properly. I will always remember them with kindness and gratitude.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow
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post #45 of 482 (permalink) Old 01-30-2015, 04:11 AM
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Re: I asked him to move out.

Tell his parents the truth, but ask them to be supportive of him. Your not looking to damage their relationship, but if another relationship of his fails in the future, at least they will have an inkling of why. You can be both honest and take the high road. You should also cut contact with his family. Sure biological bonds tends to be stronger than one's by choice, but it does not mean that it will not cause conflict. Tell his family it is over, and there is no going back. Ask them to be there for him as he too, is going through a difficult time, and ask them to see if he can get some help.

After this, keep contact to text, email, or anything else that is recordable. You want to play smart, and if his text is abusive and derogatory, you have something to show people the type of person he is. Tell his family that as much as it pains you, you need to cut contact with them as well.

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