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post #76 of 484 (permalink) Old 02-01-2015, 05:23 PM
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Re: I asked him to move out.

He wants to be friends so he can get back in your house. I assume he didn't indicate he settled for you until you told him it was over. He didn't want to mess up that nice life you created for him.

Didn't you have a thread about the lack of sex?

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post #77 of 484 (permalink) Old 02-01-2015, 05:54 PM
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Re: I asked him to move out.

You don't sound dumb at all. You've done what needed to be done, above and beyond what many would do. You feel how you feel, you are human after all. Keep making good decisions but give yourself a break regarding how you feel.
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post #78 of 484 (permalink) Old 02-02-2015, 02:07 AM
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Re: I asked him to move out.

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Originally Posted by GA HEART View Post
I'm here, I'm ok. Thanks for checking on me. Sorry for not responding earlier, I was at my best friends place and my phone wouldn't let me for whatever reason.

He's tried to text me twice more. Said his Mom is reading all my facebook comments. I've not said a WORD about him or what is going on with us, but posted little inspirational meme type things, again.....nothing about relationships. Just things like loving who you are and being accepted despite flaws and such. I'm not doing it to be passive aggressive at all, but to try and feel better. He doesn't even have a facebook.

He's also tried to play trivia crack with me. LOL! I kinda find that funny. I let our current games expire, and ignored a new request for a game, along with a "some friend you are" statement.

Someone please just tell me again that I did the right thing?? For both of us? He says that I want fairytale love and it doesn't exist.....if he settled for me, but was content......wouldn't HE be happier if he finds a love that is BOTH friendship and passion? I feel like he was using me as a cure for loneliness. I was good enough for that. But I wasn't good enough for him to feel any kind of passion towards. I don't think I'm stuck in fairytale land. I KNOW relationships smolder with time. But we were only 2 years in, and I've been feeling this for several months now.

I"m feeling like I gave up too soon!
What makes you doubt yourself? You talked about all that you dealt with and how you could not deal with it any more. Think of those feelings. You must be a very empathetic person but your empathy for your husband and your situation will not change him. Are you in counseling?

You did not make the wrong decision here and you are not looking at relationships as a fairy tale. Things are not going to get better with the things that are going on, more than likely they will only get worse and eventually you will become so beaten down that you can't see up.

Are you missing the companionship and his good qualities?? Fill that absence with a new hobby or interest but trust you in yourself that you made the right choice.
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post #79 of 484 (permalink) Old 02-02-2015, 05:18 AM
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Re: I asked him to move out.

Really nurture yourself right now GA Heart and know his cruel jabs would have solidified the decision for me. You got pretty far in, but know you absolutely dodged a bullet with this one. Feel good about that healthy boundary no matter how messy or painful it is.

The day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to Blossom. - Anais Nin
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post #80 of 484 (permalink) Old 02-02-2015, 07:26 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I asked him to move out.

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Originally Posted by Openminded View Post
He wants to be friends so he can get back in your house. I assume he didn't indicate he settled for you until you told him it was over. He didn't want to mess up that nice life you created for him.

Didn't you have a thread about the lack of sex?
Yes, and the ironic thing about it is that I think he only really wants it when he can't have it. He tried FOUR times in the last 3 days he was there to get into my pants. My bad for making myself readily avialable to him and desiring him in that way......to me that makes NO SENSE. But he mentioned several times on his way out that he would be willing to come back and cut the grass for a BJ.
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post #81 of 484 (permalink) Old 02-02-2015, 07:29 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I asked him to move out.

I think it's the the little thoughts he planted in between the jabs that has made it so hard for me.

But, day 2 after he's gone and I'm starting to feel a little bit mad. Not solid in my anger yet, but it's getting there. He promised he would take care of my heart.....I still have that text message saved from the beginning. Said he would move mountains for me. Said he would cherish me. Where the hell did all of that go? He says that I"m the one who quit. But he quit long before I did.....
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post #82 of 484 (permalink) Old 02-02-2015, 07:31 AM
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I asked him to move out.

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But he mentioned several times on his way out that he would be willing to come back and cut the grass for a BJ.

Well, that pretty much says it all...
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post #83 of 484 (permalink) Old 02-02-2015, 08:16 AM
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Re: I asked him to move out.

This is what manipulators do. He wants back into your house and your pants. You'll get what you've always got.
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post #84 of 484 (permalink) Old 02-02-2015, 08:25 AM
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Re: I asked him to move out.

He doesn't think he has a problem.... THAT's the problem and it is why he is shooting right past your heart and flip flopping so much. He is trying to pin on you the unpinnable because it belongs pinned on him. Its called blindness So right now.. he is totally shooting in the dark and when he doesn't get the response he is looking for (to service HIS needs) that's when you get the mean side.

The day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to Blossom. - Anais Nin
Never underestimate the potential for things to improve in ways you cannot yet imagine. Karen Rohlf
Be soft as possible, but firm as necessary - Pat Parelli


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post #85 of 484 (permalink) Old 02-02-2015, 08:49 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I asked him to move out.

Yes, that's it in a nutshell. He's trying to blame me for ALL of this. Sure, he admitted that he was very critical of me. And he admitted that he pushed me too far. And that he settled for me. But he DOESN'T see why that's a problem??

But I'M the one who can't accept responsibility for my faults?

Grr.

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post #86 of 484 (permalink) Old 02-02-2015, 08:57 AM
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Re: I asked him to move out.

He is miswording it...

"why won't you accept the blame for MY faults, don't you know any good girlfriend will do that for me, you are horrible for not doing so."


lol

The day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to Blossom. - Anais Nin
Never underestimate the potential for things to improve in ways you cannot yet imagine. Karen Rohlf
Be soft as possible, but firm as necessary - Pat Parelli


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post #87 of 484 (permalink) Old 02-02-2015, 09:02 AM
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Re: I asked him to move out.

You need to block his mother from Facebook. It doesn't matter what you post at all. She does not need any window into your life at all. It's none of her business what you post, whether it is relationship related or not. It sounds like he knows every action on your page thru his mother. Neither of them need to see that at all.
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post #88 of 484 (permalink) Old 02-02-2015, 02:30 PM
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Re: I asked him to move out.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GA HEART View Post
Yes, and the ironic thing about it is that I think he only really wants it when he can't have it. He tried FOUR times in the last 3 days he was there to get into my pants. My bad for making myself readily avialable to him and desiring him in that way......to me that makes NO SENSE. But he mentioned several times on his way out that he would be willing to come back and cut the grass for a BJ.
My guess is he was using that more as a way to manipulate you into letting him stay because he knew sex was important to you. I don't think he was nearly as interested in sex with you as you were with him.
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post #89 of 484 (permalink) Old 02-02-2015, 02:33 PM
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Re: I asked him to move out.

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Originally Posted by GA HEART View Post
I think it's the the little thoughts he planted in between the jabs that has made it so hard for me.

But, day 2 after he's gone and I'm starting to feel a little bit mad. Not solid in my anger yet, but it's getting there. He promised he would take care of my heart.....I still have that text message saved from the beginning. Said he would move mountains for me. Said he would cherish me. Where the hell did all of that go? He says that I"m the one who quit. But he quit long before I did.....
Words are easy. Actions are harder.

He talks a good game.
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post #90 of 484 (permalink) Old 02-02-2015, 08:18 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I asked him to move out.

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My guess is he was using that more as a way to manipulate you into letting him stay because he knew sex was important to you. I don't think he was nearly as interested in sex with you as you were with him.
Of course he was. And ouch, but true....
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