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post #121 of 484 (permalink) Old 02-04-2015, 05:44 PM
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Re: I asked him to move out.

I think your have to remember that there is the life he had with you, and you yourself. As you've noted, he wasn't that happy on a personal level with you so you're right, he probably was giving it what he had. But he liked the life he had with you.....a nice house, you to cook for him, lots of support. sex when he had an itch. You see this all the time with spouses that leave.....they weren't happy with their spouse but realize they miss the life they had. People stay with spouses they're not into all the time for a lot of reasons. It's a separate issue from romantic love for you.

So when he says he misses you deeply, he probably does in the sense that he misses the life he had with you. And maybe on some level he misses your company, but he doesn't miss you as a romantic partner because he didn't want it. You're not married, you don't have kids together, there's no reason for you to waste good daylight on a guy that's not that into you but is happy to use you. And it sounds like you're not going to be easy to replace as someone he can use.

I can think of no greater turnoff then knowing the person I'm with doesn't really want to be with me romantically. You can and will find someone that does, but not until this guy is out of your life.

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post #122 of 484 (permalink) Old 02-04-2015, 05:44 PM
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Re: I asked him to move out.

Yes, it totally makes sense.

As he said, he may not even be capable of love. And being with someone who loves you when you don't love them is difficult (I'm not excusing him in any way -- I think he's a user -- just explaining what I think his unhappiness stemmed from).
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post #123 of 484 (permalink) Old 02-04-2015, 05:55 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I asked him to move out.

I'm an over analyzer (can ya tell? lol!) But realizing this kind of stuff does help me move on in a way.

My heart has always been a biatch. Always.
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post #124 of 484 (permalink) Old 02-04-2015, 05:58 PM
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Re: I asked him to move out.

Well, now is the time to realize your heart can lead you astray so that you're careful in the future.

You're young and you'll find someone worthy of you.
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post #125 of 484 (permalink) Old 02-04-2015, 06:03 PM
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Originally Posted by GA HEART View Post
I'm an over analyzer (can ya tell? lol!) But realizing this kind of stuff does help me move on in a way.

My heart has always been a biatch. Always.
Analyze away hon. Dealing with heartbreak isn't easy. But understand that you were giving real love and affection while he was giving something much more pale and weak. As far as generosity in a relationship, you have nothing to be ashamed of.
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post #126 of 484 (permalink) Old 02-04-2015, 06:19 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I asked him to move out.

I'm nearly 40, how is that young? LOL!

Thanks for listening to me go on and on. Really. I appreciate it.
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post #127 of 484 (permalink) Old 02-04-2015, 06:24 PM
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Re: I asked him to move out.

Believe me, you're young. By the time you're my age and look back at your now-self you'll realize just how young you were in 2015. With plenty of time to find the right man.
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post #128 of 484 (permalink) Old 02-05-2015, 05:29 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I asked him to move out.

Ooops.

I failed again last night.

He finally texted back last night and told me to leave the tox documents in the foyer (the rest of the house is separate and lockable.) I asked him to leave the keys too, as he forgot to leave them as well. Forgot, or did it on purpose because he took offense to that.

He had started a new trivia crack game with me. I declined it again and said that I wasn't ready to "be friends. Told him my heart had to let him go before we could try that. I wasn't ready."

Him: "i see"
Me: "do you see?"
Him "yes:
Me: "what do you see?"
Him: "I'm sh!t to you now"
me: "you dont see at all"
him: "i see you dont love me anymore. you think I am going to rob you. "you think im sh!t to you now."
me: "youre looking through the wrong lens."
him: (he replied with something strange, I had zero clue what he was trying to say) "i see i'm making all request of me and still dont see you filling thru" ??
me: "i dont understand what you meant with that last text"
him: "youre killing me!!! tearing me down."
me: "im not trying to. im trying to heal me."

And that was it. :-/

BAD, bad GA HEART.
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post #129 of 484 (permalink) Old 02-05-2015, 05:34 AM
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Re: I asked him to move out.

WHAT A LOSER!!! I don't trust this guy at all.
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post #130 of 484 (permalink) Old 02-05-2015, 05:55 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I asked him to move out.

I dont think I have anything to fear from him. I dont think he is going to "rob" me. What I do think is that hes thinking I'm going to change my mind and beg him to come back.

He's wrong.

I broke the NC rule, but these little convos are somewhat healing for me. Empowering. I'm not trying to play headgames at all. But it's becoming more and more clear that my suspicions about his emotional maturity are dead on. He's an emotional child. A nearly 42 year old stunted man.

I'm still so sad. I love him still. But I'm raising my own children. I want an equal partner, not another child to raise.

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post #131 of 484 (permalink) Old 02-05-2015, 05:58 AM
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Re: I asked him to move out.

He has an emotional infection that makes him unsafe for relationships. Toxic man. Until he gets help and heals that infection he emotional availability is non existant. Let him find that help on his own since you two don't share in marriage or have children together.

And protect your heart from his infection.

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post #132 of 484 (permalink) Old 02-05-2015, 06:08 AM
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Re: I asked him to move out.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GA HEART View Post
I dont think I have anything to fear from him. I dont think he is going to "rob" me. What I do think is that hes thinking I'm going to change my mind and beg him to come back.

He's wrong.

I broke the NC rule, but these little convos are somewhat healing for me. Empowering. I'm not trying to play headgames at all. But it's becoming more and more clear that my suspicions about his emotional maturity are dead on. He's an emotional child. A nearly 42 year old stunted man.

I'm still so sad. I love him still. But I'm raising my own children. I want an equal partner, not another child to raise.
Sounds very accurate to me. Good for you!!

The day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to Blossom. - Anais Nin
Never underestimate the potential for things to improve in ways you cannot yet imagine. Karen Rohlf
Be soft as possible, but firm as necessary - Pat Parelli

Blossom's Road of Recovery and Reconciliation
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post #133 of 484 (permalink) Old 02-05-2015, 06:28 AM
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Re: I asked him to move out.

Baby steps. One foot in front of the other. One day at a time. Hour by hour, minute by minute if you have to.

You're doing great, GA Heart.

When does your adopted son move in with you?
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post #134 of 484 (permalink) Old 02-05-2015, 08:30 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I asked him to move out.

I"m going to pick him up Sunday. We are starting out well.....he asked me if I could pick him up at his girlfriends house and then swing back by and pick up his stuff (he lives 4.5 hours away.) I responded with a definite NO. You and your stuff need to be at a central location. I will not drive all over kingdom come to accomodate you. (I used to do these things for him when he lived with me before.) I expected the same teenage backlash I always got, but he said, "Ok mama. Love you."

It's a start.
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post #135 of 484 (permalink) Old 02-05-2015, 08:54 AM
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Re: I asked him to move out.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GA HEART View Post
I"m going to pick him up Sunday. We are starting out well.....he asked me if I could pick him up at his girlfriends house and then swing back by and pick up his stuff (he lives 4.5 hours away.) I responded with a definite NO. You and your stuff need to be at a central location. I will not drive all over kingdom come to accomodate you. (I used to do these things for him when he lived with me before.) I expected the same teenage backlash I always got, but he said, "Ok mama. Love you."

It's a start.
A start for WHAT, exactly? I'm confused...what are you picking him up for, to move his stuff out of your house? Pretty nervey of him to ask you to drive 4.5 hrs!

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

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