I asked him to move out. - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 484 (permalink) Old 01-29-2015, 09:58 AM Thread Starter
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I asked him to move out.

And it sucks.

I'm hurting badly. I want to be weak and just stop the process and hope it all goes away. But I can't. Because it won't.

When things are good, they are GREAT! I love him and we have a great time together. He is a very good friend, and understands me more than any man ever has.

But when things are bad, they are AWFUL. When we argue he gets UGLY....calls me a b*tch, tells me I just want "new meat," tells me to "go ahead and call the cops on him" (wtf?,) etc.

More and more he has become super critical of what I do. In the past 3 weeks, he has tried to make me feel like I am a bad mother, have my priorities in the wrong places, and he flat out called me irresponsible. I am NONE of those things. But I was starting to believe them......I found that everytime he mentioned something to be about how I needed to do things differently (his way) I changed myself to try and make him happy. But it was never enough.

It all came to a head the other day (the irresponsible statement.) I had genuinely forgotten to make a phone call to the propane company. Our tank still had 30%. I HAD called and left them a message, but they never called back (less than 24 hours) but because I didn't do it the next day, all of a suddon, I am irresponsible.

I work full time. I pay ALL my bills (and most of the household bills) on time. Have NEVER had anything disconnected or even had to pay late fees. I am a GOOD mom to my boys. They need nothing and want for little. They both make good grades and behave. I clean the house. I lived on my own for 3 years before we moved in together and didn't have any issues taking care of business. I open myself up to him for sex ANY time he wants it (have NEVER turned him down, but he has turned me down plenty.)

So HE said he was moving out. And I said ok and have stuck with it. Then he backtracks.....

"I'm not ready to let go of what we have."
"We should do counseling" (Mentioned before, but nothing ever came of it.)
"You're the one causing this."
"You don't care how much I'm hurting."
"I guess I will take this ring I bought you back." (Called him out on that, there was no ring.)
"F' you."
"I want my money back out of the house." (he paid 25% of the down payment, I paid the rest.....and most of the mortgage payments.)
"You only see what you want to see."
"You don't take responsibility for your actions."

Among other statements. Not ONCE has he said anything about losing ME.

My brain gets it. My heart is being a b*tch.

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post #2 of 484 (permalink) Old 01-29-2015, 10:02 AM
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Re: I asked him to move out.

Very sorry for you. Better now than later. I thought he was getting help? Has he blown up at your son anymore?
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post #3 of 484 (permalink) Old 01-29-2015, 10:02 AM
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You're doing the right thing, he sounds like an ass. Not healthy for you or your kids to keep someone like that around.
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post #4 of 484 (permalink) Old 01-29-2015, 10:04 AM
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You're doing the right thing, he sounds like an ass. Not healthy for you or your kids to keep someone like that around.
If you have read her other thread, this jack off has directly emotionally and verbally abused her kids.
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post #5 of 484 (permalink) Old 01-29-2015, 10:06 AM
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Re: I asked him to move out.

Sounds to me like you have a TEENAGER as a husband, not a MAN.

Throwing hissy fits like that and making things up are ALL of the tactics to get YOU to do what he wants and when he wants. I suggest you recognize that and deal with it.

Personally, I think him moving out is a GREAT thing. By ALL means proceed to divorce and find a MAN that you deserve.

Think of it as a great beginning, not a great ending. Because frankly, that's EXACTLY what this is!

Good luck
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post #6 of 484 (permalink) Old 01-29-2015, 10:10 AM
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Re: I asked him to move out.

30% isn't bad at ALL. We usually don't snap to the propane level until it hits 5%.
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post #7 of 484 (permalink) Old 01-29-2015, 10:12 AM
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Re: I asked him to move out.

Are you married to this man? I'm not clear if you are or you are not? Are your boys his children? How old are you and how hold is your significant other?
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post #8 of 484 (permalink) Old 01-29-2015, 10:17 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I asked him to move out.

No, he has never yelled at my son again. That relationship was going well. Counseling for that issue never happened (he is in counseling for another issue.)

He has good qualities. He does. But he is immature and I just can't deal with that in a relationship anymore. I haven't felt appreciated for a while. He takes me for granted. He says he feels taken for granted. He is always going on and on about "all the sacrifices" he has made. But he never really lists anything. He has alluded to the fact that he has had to adjust to living with my kids. He has admitted that he is jealous of my relationship with them. We have always included him....watching movies together, playing board games, eating dinner at the table. He cooks, but I do most of the cleaning. According to him, he does most of the cleaning. I should have kept a log book. (HA!)

I don't play the blame game, but he loves to. I don't keep track of "who wrongs who." I have accepted his faults (to a point, obviously) without harping on them. But I don't think he is capable of affording me the same favors.

But I still love him. That hasn't changed. I KNOW I'm doing the right thing, but it's hard as hell.
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post #9 of 484 (permalink) Old 01-29-2015, 10:21 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I asked him to move out.

No, not married. Not even engaged. HA!
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post #10 of 484 (permalink) Old 01-29-2015, 10:24 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I asked him to move out.

This has been a learning and growing process for me. This was my first relationship a couple years after a failed 12 year marriage. I'm stronger now than I have ever been. But it's still very very difficult.

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post #11 of 484 (permalink) Old 01-29-2015, 10:26 AM
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Re: I asked him to move out.

Again, sorry but you know you are doing right. You and your kids don't need a full grown b1tch making your lives miserable.

I have zero respect for this man. I am sorry you love him. He is really undeserving of your affection and the honor of being allowed in the lives of your kids.
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post #12 of 484 (permalink) Old 01-29-2015, 10:28 AM
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Originally Posted by GA HEART View Post
So HE said he was moving out. And I said ok and have stuck with it. Then he backtracks.....

"I'm not ready to let go of what we have."
So,,, has he actually gone or made plans to go?

The quoted bit - He made an empty threat to leave which you exposed by turning it around on him.

Unless I missed it,,, he's still there trying to come up with 'better' threats and manipulations to maintain the status quo. While he's there, he IS maintaining it.

I wish you every success, GA, but you asking him to leave and him finding reasons not to go suggests he'll fight tooth and nail to stay.

Until he's actually out the door, this is just the latest drop in your ocean of drama. Same ol', same ol'.

Just ignore me if I misread your post.

If I haven't, nothing has changed beyond your resolve. Hang on to it and get him gone.
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post #13 of 484 (permalink) Old 01-29-2015, 10:34 AM
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Re: I asked him to move out.

As hard as it is to do, do not give in to this man. He is not treating you well and it will not get better. You do not need to live like this. Keep going forward with the separation or divorce proceedings. If you find his begging making you weak, take him off your call list, block him, do not answer, do not read his emails or texts. There is a better life for you. Don't buckle to the good that you recall. the bad over-shadows the good here.
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post #14 of 484 (permalink) Old 01-29-2015, 10:37 AM
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Re: I asked him to move out.

I'm very sorry. Breakups are miserable. I know from your previous threads you really wanted this to work. Maybe he'll grow up (if you still want him). I'm sure he wasn't expecting you to take him up on his offer to leave.

Stay strong.
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post #15 of 484 (permalink) Old 01-29-2015, 10:50 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I asked him to move out.

He's not gone yet. This resolve is the hardest part. But I'm hanging in there. He says he will be gone by next week. We will see. Yes, he is hanging on tooth and nail.
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