General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
my wife is doing what I'm thinking should be considered serious blows against marriage. what you think?
She makes over 120 calls per month to her mom/sister and about 30 calls to me. She offers our credit card to her mother without asking me, she secretly co-signed a loan for her sister, she wanted to send money to her brother I said no, she went to her mother house, came back 3 days later and lied "I didnt send the money" then I caught her devising a plan with her sister to get the money back into our account with out me finding out. Her cousin calls and cancels our plans, her sister cancels our dates, Her mom used to buy all our groceries against my wishes. Her mother sends food to her work, my wife never cooks. she has a sister who is 35, still lives at home with mom, the list goes on.
do I have enough reason to believe this girl is trying to tell me that I will always come second to her family?
YES YES and YES she sounds very co-dependant on her family. The phone calls themselfs aren't a big deal after all she lives with you not her family (ok they don't physicaly reside in the house) and there is one of you compared to at least 4 in the story.
You need to let her know you love herfamily would never keep her family from her but you married her thinking youwould be starting a fmaily for yourselfs. Your spouse,children should always be on the front burner everone else should be on back burners.
The finacials are also a big deal that is something you are suppose to be in together. Its not her credit she is potentialy ruining and just her future its both of yours. If she insists on doing stuff like that seprate accounts is the way to go with each partner paying their share of the bills (assuming you both work) and then she can spend the remainder of her money on whatever she wants.
at the time she was giving the money we were both working but I paid for EVERYTHING.
I have talked to her many many times, she denies everything, she says their relationship is normal. also her response is why dont you get divorce.
I feel as though I am standing in the way of them being together and she would be happy to separate and go be with her mother/sister. her sister BTW owes us $2k due back last week. I asked for it and my wife just attacks me and accuses me of being greedy
The calls wouldn't bother me, but the use of the credit card, loaning money and co-signing for a loan are definitely issues that should be discussed with you prior.
"Why don't you get a divorce?" Sounds like an empty threat to me. You may want to recommend she not marry again. No man would put up with her behavior. If the financial betrayal of trust continues, what are you prepared to do?
my wife is doing what I'm thinking should be considered serious blows against marriage. what you think?
She makes over 120 calls per month to her mom/sister and about 30 calls to me. She offers our credit card to her mother without asking me, she secretly co-signed a loan for her sister, she wanted to send money to her brother I said no, she went to her mother house, came back 3 days later and lied "I didnt send the money" then I caught her devising a plan with her sister to get the money back into our account with out me finding out. Her cousin calls and cancels our plans, her sister cancels our dates, Her mom used to buy all our groceries against my wishes. Her mother sends food to her work, my wife never cooks. she has a sister who is 35, still lives at home with mom, the list goes on.
do I have enough reason to believe this girl is trying to tell me that I will always come second to her family?
She seems immature and her parents did a craptastic job raising her and the rest of her siblings. Futhermore I think you are dealing with manipulating in-laws.
Are there any children involved? What are your ages?
I have talked to her many many times, she denies everything, she says their relationship is normal. also her response is why dont you get divorce.
Next time she says this, call her on her BS. Say something like, "Ok, divorce it is." and walk away.
The divorce line is being said just to get YOU to back off. You need to decide if this behavior is a deal breaker or not and act accordingly.
Maybe it is time to split your finances off from your wifes and split up the financial responsibilities as well. Protect yourself a little. I really doubt what she is doing will stop.
she moved out last night. Here sister owes us $2000.00 which was due back 4 weeks ago. When I mention it my wife goes crazy. she moved out so she doesnt have to ask for the money back...... I think I'll just let her go she loves them so much then she should go live with them the hell with all of them
Pack up all of her stuff and call her beloved family to come get her.
its a lose lose situation for me. they would gladly come get her stuff. they all live together in one house, kids are in their 30's never moved out mommy still cooks and cleans after them and my wife is dying to get back to them. I am damned if I do, damned if I dont...... I guess we just reap what we sow.
Sorry to hear this, but it might be just as well.....
My husband is the one too attached to his family. I like them and all, but whenever we all get together, its a huge "lets make fun of TemperToo" party. I try to laugh it off, but it does hurt. He also sends them a lot of money when we are struggling and never gets paid back. (He makes the money, so I haven't said too much about it.) But I feel your pain. It can happen with husbands too.
Good! Then when she's older, mom and dad are too old to take care of the family, and she and her sibs are fighting like sharks in a filthy house, she'll be wishing for a good man to take care of her, and wistfully remind herself that she once HAD a husband...
My wife is too attached to her family 
Re: My wife is too attached to her family 
