General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Hi,
I have been married for nearly two years and already things are not working out well. When we came back from our honeymoon,the co.my husband was working for close down and he has been out of a job since. He decided to take up a part time degree and I supported him.however, the expenses have increased and it has been very difficult for me to continue to support.He told me he is applying for jobs but i find it difficult to understand that he has not been able to find something for over a year. Whenever I am at home, I see him downloading songs,editing pictures or on facebook and I think he is bullying me and I keep asking him everyday to apply for jobs. I do not know what to do and i am very tired of his laziness. We both have study loans and while trying to save, i spend almost all my salary in a month, we are still renting and we do not own anything. I have talked to him that we need to progress,he keeps saying yes but with no result. Please advice.
He is probably experiencing a self-confidence problem. Your reminders of the fact that he is not earing to support the both of may amke him resentful. Don't know how to solve it, but there is my uninformed view.
It is hard to find a job, more so, these days. Your husband shouldn't sit on his azz, and give up. No one will come to his door with a job for him or call him on the phone, it doesn't work that way. Tell him that you simply "CAN'T NOT" make it with one income.
Do you handle the money? If so, then don't pay the internet bill, when he loses what he likes best, he will get off of is dead azz and work. Well, unless he likes being a lazy bum. Good luck to you !
He isnt aåplying ofr any jobs at all.
I dont understandwhy you didnt ask him yet to show you those anonce for job tha the aplied for and to show oyu what he wrote to them
Ask him to show oyu the applications he send for the past 3 months..
he wil ahve to send 2 a day to can get soemthing and i am sure he didnt send any in 3 months!
go to his account on facebook and look what he did there
you can see all the hours of the day where he wwas there and what he did on facebook it i written there all ofit as well as whom he wrote to and look at whomhe pm to as well.
you might get yorusdelf a big surprise.
If he was usiong facebook properly, that is to create a contact network to get jobn he will ahve one sicne long!
if he use it to download songs and pictuees it means he use it for leisure, and is just having fun all day long while you bring bread on the table and he does absolutly nothign at all!
On facebook you can put what area oyu are on and get in touch with all people living in your area and get intouch with people working in a firm there and get a jobn that way and even be incontact with dorectors of a firm and al
but when he uise his facebook account as oyu discribe it he wont look seriosu to anybodty and wont get a thing
And i dont even think that he even tried to contact anyone there ot get a job,.
I am sure he contacts women living in oyur area and talk with them.
Who cook? who do the shopping? who do the cleaning and the home cores and the laudry>?
is it him?
I hope so cause if it isnt he is just doing like he was back home with mum, but htis time he dont even have to goto school and can have fun.
Go to hsdi facebook account see what he does there have a seriosu discussion with hiom about all ofit and close down his facebook account look to see if he doesnt have some more and doesnt email with people, like women, and what apllication he send to get jobs, and maybe you should consider a divorce since the guy isnt commited at all to this relationship and all he does is lying to you and sitting on his butt all daylong while you work.
it doesnt go.
Its not cause you are married that suddendly the guy is more with you.
f oyu werent married and he was doing that, what would oyu do?
wont you show him the door and tell him to found soemoen elseto absue and lie to and to live on?
i agree with Honey above, he is a lazy bum and he just is dishonnest with you. he takes oyu for totaly granted and also for an idiot cause you stilol didnt ask for proves tha the looks for a job even you can see he isnt.
coem home and say, ok now you go make food and clean the kitchen and i go play on facebook!
call me when dinner is ready!
I was out of work for a year. I moved from Maryland ($80K/yr) to Missouri. I didn't expect the same pay level, but did think I'd be able to find a job quickly. Didn't happen. I was living with my GF until I finally did get a job and then got a place of my own. We managed (and we're still together) but sometimes it was rough. I spent most of the day on the net, too, mostly looking for jobs. Occasionally, I did some songs, too. But it took much longer than I expected to find a job. As for the bullying...I don't know. Just understand the economy is a bit rougher now.
It is hard to find a job, more so, these days. Your husband shouldn't sit on his azz, and give up. No one will come to his door with a job for him or call him on the phone, it doesn't work that way. Tell him that you simply "CAN'T NOT" make it with one income.
Do you handle the money? If so, then don't pay the internet bill, when he loses what he likes best, he will get off of is dead azz and work. Well, unless he likes being a lazy bum. Good luck to you !
I agree. However, when you stop paying the internet bill, don't tell him in a resentful way. Just let him know that you had to cut back because it is getting hard to make ends meet. You can also cut back on the cable bill (he is probably watching more TV now that he has more time on his hands). If he has a cell phone, then you can get a pay as you go phone for the both of you and only put a minimum amount on them. This will be a hard sacrifice, but worth it in the end. The key here is to cut out things that you think he would recognize if he did not have them. Then he would probably think it is time for him to get a job and start being proactive in getting one.
Oh yeah. You could also cut down on the food bill. No more yumming snacks. He would probably recognize those are gone too. Good luck!
being bullied? 
