donewithit

My hubby and I have been thru some tough times. I did some horrible things, def not his fault, and although he threw me out..he took me back in a few weeks as our councellor said we could not work on things if we are apart.

From reading here, I believe he MANNED UP. which honestly was nice. He no longer says nothing if something I am doing bothers him, he asserts his feelings a bit more ect.

I have done a complete turnaround. Took full responsibility for my financial infidelity (that was hard) and rebuked a hot wealthy man's advances in the middle of my marital woe (lol..but it was nice to be noticed) stopped drinking wine COMPLETELY (big issue he had with me) and basically have worked so hard to regain his trust, that the man who controlled the purse strings just 18 months ago..and had never allowed me to deal with the finances..HANDED OVER FINANCES TO ME.

He is very proud of me. In four months since I took over I have paid off 9 thousand of consumer debt, with only four grand remaining which will be paid july 3rd. He is NOW saying that if he knew I was this good at the books I could have had them seven years ago when we married I think his controlling me financially had SOME influence on my bad decisions..not his fault..I made the choice to do it. but still looking back, I felt like a child. so I was Naughty!!

anyway. so much is fixed. However. He is loving YES. Nice YES. but I want a little romance. I want a kiss or hug other than hello goodbye or lets have sex moment ya know? flowers? what are they???? Please. Tell me what to say that is effective to get him to understand how much a little romance means to me? I have tried..but usually once I am totally ticked off and it becomes a me telling him that I am upset with him. so far..this tactic has not worked.

I guess what I want is to make my marriage bomb proof. I do not want to ever decieve him again. I do not want to ever let another man come close enough to try to tempt me again. I love love love my husband, but I need affection.

please don't get me wrong. He loves me. I know he does. I just feel like I come last sometimes.

example...he calls from work or whatever..asks me to do something for him. I DO IT. I asked him 4 weeks ago to get rid of my bathroom scales to the trunk of his car as I have became obsessed. guess where they are? at the back door. in a bag. where I put them 4 weeks ago. I asked several times and then gave up. sigh. I want to be given appreciation and affection.

now I shall go make his dinner and put it in the microwave as he arrives home an hour after I leave for work today. When I get home tonight his lunchbag will be on the counter. With the dirty containers from his lunch today. Which I will remove. And pack his lunch for tomorrow.

sorry for the rant. I know it is all over the place. Just needed to vent

Chris Taylor

I don't think there's anything wrong with asking him whether you are meeting his needs/expectations now. And when he says you are, tell him that you need a little more from him.

donewithit

never thought of that chris..yes. I will do that . ask him if i am meeting his needs now ( I know i did NOT for the first few years..other than cooking and cleaning..sigh)

JustBrowsing

Start at the ground level. Talk to him.......maybe over dinner away from home.

Get a hotel and lay it out. Guys are very simple and sometimes very blind to the obvious.

donewithit

thanks for the advise so far. I should mention..I work part time..and he works HARD full time hours..I should not ***** about packing lunches ect..that should be part of the deal.. I do not have a prob with that.I have a prob with him not showing me ANY way how much I mean. I mean COME ON...FLOWERS. Buy them at the frikkin gas station. I do not care. do SOMETHING to make me feel SPECIAL.

meridian.1960

donewithit,

It's just a thought,and I agree that you should simply, in a kind, non criticizing way, express your feelings.

In addition, the old saying that "give all that you wish to recieve" may be a good way to get the ball rolling.

Start placing little gifts in the luch bag, make him feel special in the ways you wish to feel yourself. If you wish for more affection, then give more affection.

You may just be surprised to find him returning it back to you. Sure cant hurt to try.

Warmly,

Meridian

iceit4me

I can totally relate. I am having the same issues with hubby. Why is it so hard for guys to see that we need affection, love some TLC?! Any suggestions? What if you give and give and get absolutely NOTHING back? What then? How long suffering can you be before you go insane?! I feel like my give a @!x is busted!

donewithit

exactly..iceit4me. I get up at stupid o'clock every morning my husband works. Whether I work that day or not. By the time he is out of the shower I have his coffee ready, his cereal poured..toast made...lunch packed..thermos filled..lunch bag and thermos sitting at back door by his work boots,because if I leave them on kitchen counter, he will forget, resulting in me having to take them to the neighbouring city where he works. Then I do the housework. Then if I am working that afternoon thru dinner hours..I make a full dinner for him..and put it in the microwave for him to just heat when he gets home. I do this because I love my husband. I KNOW he loves me too..but just once I would like to be treated to a little romance ya know?

Like tonight. Glad he enjoyed his dinner. Dinner I MADE before I went for my own 8 hr shift.. I just got home. exhausted..and guess what. I made my OWN cup of tea. AND HIS.

oh well. someday.