General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Gotta get this off my chest.
I don't know how much more of this I'm going to take, but I know that if and when I leave my H, I will have done my best.
Ang if, at that time, he's STILL the jerk he is right now, I'll know I'm doing the right thing.
Today I ran 3 miles. Then H and I rode bikes for about an hour.
Got home.
I suggested, "how bout I walk to redbox and get a movie, you go pick up dinner, I'll meet you back here?"
he said, "wow honey, how much exercise do you want in one day? I know you'll never look like your college pictures!"
I looked straight at him and said "that was mean."
he said "I didn't mean it to be mean! Were you this into working out in college?"
I said "yes. That was mean."
he said "sorry honey...didn't mean it to be mean."
then---without emotion---I said "going to redbox," and calmly left the house.
Here's the kicker: Just THREE days ago, he made a similar comment.
And similarly, I said "that was mean."
And similarly he said "sorry honey, didn't mean to be mean."
WTF? Can he NOT resist taking THESE particular shots at me???
It's like he's LOOKING for things to criticize.
Maybe a better way to "pass this fit test" wouldve been to laugh it off.
Well, I didn't. At this moment, it's not a joke i'm cool with.
and for the record....
I'm 5'4"....I weigh 105 now. At my biggest, I was 135-140. Big f-ing deal.
The point is...he KNOWS it bugs me. I've calmly made that clear to him. ENOUGH already.
It's mind-boggling how shallow and immature he can be.
He's just giving me more to consider in the next few months. God knows I have plenty to think about. Posted via Mobile Device
You could have said "it's mean today just like it was mean when you said this 3 days ago. And if you say it again..." Okay I draw a blank on the next line but there needs to be one. Maybe someone else can chime in. There has to be something you can say to shut him up.
Oh wait lets dig deeper. He's annoyed that you are exercising and is trying to sabotage? Maybe? Threatened? What's his main motivation behind the comment. Remember he likes to project. Tell me what he's really saying and that will solve your comeback line. I don't think it's about your weight.
Sometimes us men take a while to grasp new concepts.
I'm guilty of being sarcastic to the point of being mean with my loved ones.
It's a hard habit to break. It's a long hard struggle but it can be done. I just have to watch out for the plates and glasses coming my way from my wife!
You could have said "it's mean today just like it was mean when you said this 3 days ago. And if you say it again..." Okay I draw a blank on the next line but there needs to be one. Maybe someone else can chime in. There has to be something you can say to shut him up.
Oh wait lets dig deeper. He's annoyed that you are exercising and is trying to sabotage? Maybe? What's his main motivation behind the comment. Remember he likes to project. Tell me what he's really saying and that will solve your comeback line. I don't think it's about your weight.
I'm not sure!
I know he's deeply competitive with me...I was conscious today not to leave him in the dust while we were biking, to protect his fragile ego.
FWIW, he himself is short and round..,hardly chiseled. Not in great shape himself.
He always brags about how "jacked" I am (and I am ) but who the hell knows, maybe it's just ANOTHER way he's desperately trying to "knock me down a few pegs."
He's been looking through our old pics lately, scanning them onto the computer...which means he's been studying my formerly fat ass and judging--nice!
I don't know what he's trying to say, but what I hear (once again) is:
"don't get ahead of yourself. You have to work to be good enough for me. You have to work to receive my love." Posted via Mobile Device
That is about the meanest thing a man can say to his wife.
Wow - 5'4 and 105 - you are perfect even for a guy who likes thin women. Any lighter and you will be way TOO thin.
Quote:
Originally Posted by credamdóchasgra
Gotta get this off my chest.
I don't know how much more of this I'm going to take, but I know that if and when I leave my H, I will have done my best.
Ang if, at that time, he's STILL the jerk he is right now, I'll know I'm doing the right thing.
Today I ran 3 miles. Then H and I rode bikes for about an hour.
Got home.
I suggested, "how bout I walk to redbox and get a movie, you go pick up dinner, I'll meet you back here?"
he said, "wow honey, how much exercise do you want in one day? I know you'll never look like your college pictures!"
I looked straight at him and said "that was mean."
he said "I didn't mean it to be mean! Were you this into working out in college?"
I said "yes. That was mean."
he said "sorry honey...didn't mean it to be mean."
then---without emotion---I said "going to redbox," and calmly left the house.
Here's the kicker: Just THREE days ago, he made a similar comment.
And similarly, I said "that was mean."
And similarly he said "sorry honey, didn't mean to be mean."
WTF? Can he NOT resist taking THESE particular shots at me???
It's like he's LOOKING for things to criticize.
Maybe a better way to "pass this fit test" wouldve been to laugh it off.
Well, I didn't. At this moment, it's not a joke i'm cool with.
and for the record....
I'm 5'4"....I weigh 105 now. At my biggest, I was 135-140. Big f-ing deal.
The point is...he KNOWS it bugs me. I've calmly made that clear to him. ENOUGH already.
It's mind-boggling how shallow and immature he can be.
He's just giving me more to consider in the next few months. God knows I have plenty to think about. Posted via Mobile Device
Okay I have another strategy for you. What if you played the "here's your sign game?" Goes like this. Someone with a stick up their butt like your husband says something dumb. Instead of trying to change them or defend you play heres your sign made famous by Bill Engvall the comedianne.
So he says "wow honey, how much exercise do you want in one day? I know you'll never look like your college pictures!"
You sweetly respond by saying "I'm just getting started! And I'm aiming for high school baby (or some other eggagerated age)!" Again anything that doesn't show that he got a rise out of you.
Okay I have another strategy for you. What if you played the "here's your sign game?" Goes like this. Someone with a stick up their butt like your husband says something dumb. Instead of trying to change them or defend you play heres your sign made famous by Bill Engvall the comedianne.
So he says "wow honey, how much exercise do you want in one day? I know you'll never look like your college pictures!"
You sweetly respond by saying "are you kidding I'm just getting started! And I know I won't look like my college pictures I'm aiming for high school baby (or some other eggagerated age)!"
Yeah, that's within my reach. Just doesn't come naturally as my default.
It still doesn't really let him know that's NOT cool. Posted via Mobile Device
Yeah, that's within my reach. Just doesn't come naturally as my default.
It still doesn't really let him know that's NOT cool.
My comeback line probably isn't good enough. The point of this game is to stop people from saying dumb things. Angry people are just insecure bullies. Sometimes standing up to them works, sometimes you need to respond to what they are really saying (in this case it's NOT about you - it's his insecurity) and sometimes you need to make them feel stupid. This is the part where they quit saying it because they then don't like how it makes THEM feel when you respond. Get it?
Doesn't matter whether he gets that it's not cool or not he just needs to quit.
I wish I knew why he really said that comment. It's not about your size that I'm 100% sure of. I'm drawing a blank...guess I don't know enough about him yet.
He says: "he said, "wow honey, how much exercise do you want in one day? I know you'll never look like your college pictures!"
You say: "I plan to exercise until I'm a MILF! (giggle) and I have no intention of looking like I did in college. I'm a mom now and I intend to work hard for a Sophia Loren perfection look."
He says: "he said, "wow honey, how much exercise do you want in one day? I know you'll never look like your college pictures!"
You say: "I plan to exercise until I'm a MILF! (giggle) and I have no intention of looking like I did in college. I'm a mom now and I intend to work hard for a Sophia Loren perfection look."
(wink-tease)
Yeah, I'm capable of laughing things off.
Just that lately, he's treated me badly in other ways, so this isn't just about "this." Posted via Mobile Device
He's suddenly "into you" when others note your attractiveness (physical AND personality) - you mentioned this the other day.
Now he hits you with this put down.
Call him on it and leave it. He sounds terribly insecure and competitive. He says this stuff on purpose to take you down a notch.
In the end I believe you will need to take HIM down a notch or this is going to eat at your self esteem.
Kick his a** on the bike next time, give me a break, he's a guy, if he can't keep up he should start hitting the gym. You have to coddle his moods, now his physical limitations , all at your expense. Sounds like a lot of work, I'm starting to think you should trade him in for a better model.
Sorry, his comments just tick me off - childish and mean, one after another. A man his age & married should be ashamed of himself.
Do you have an admirer (I'm sure you do) that he knows of?
With a sly smile, "That isn't what my admirer said..."
Quote:
Originally Posted by credamdóchasgra
Gotta get this off my chest.
I don't know how much more of this I'm going to take, but I know that if and when I leave my H, I will have done my best.
Ang if, at that time, he's STILL the jerk he is right now, I'll know I'm doing the right thing.
Today I ran 3 miles. Then H and I rode bikes for about an hour.
Got home.
I suggested, "how bout I walk to redbox and get a movie, you go pick up dinner, I'll meet you back here?"
he said, "wow honey, how much exercise do you want in one day? I know you'll never look like your college pictures!"
I looked straight at him and said "that was mean."
he said "I didn't mean it to be mean! Were you this into working out in college?"
I said "yes. That was mean."
he said "sorry honey...didn't mean it to be mean."
then---without emotion---I said "going to redbox," and calmly left the house.
Here's the kicker: Just THREE days ago, he made a similar comment.
And similarly, I said "that was mean."
And similarly he said "sorry honey, didn't mean to be mean."
WTF? Can he NOT resist taking THESE particular shots at me???
It's like he's LOOKING for things to criticize.
Maybe a better way to "pass this fit test" wouldve been to laugh it off.
Well, I didn't. At this moment, it's not a joke i'm cool with.
and for the record....
I'm 5'4"....I weigh 105 now. At my biggest, I was 135-140. Big f-ing deal.
The point is...he KNOWS it bugs me. I've calmly made that clear to him. ENOUGH already.
It's mind-boggling how shallow and immature he can be.
He's just giving me more to consider in the next few months. God knows I have plenty to think about. Posted via Mobile Device
Proud of myself 
) but who the hell knows, maybe it's just ANOTHER way he's desperately trying to "knock me down a few pegs."
Helping couples recover and reconcile after an affair or keep their marriages affair-free at 
, all at your expense. Sounds like a lot of work, I'm starting to think you should trade him in for a better model.
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