General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
So how many men have used that line with their wife on Mother's Day? How many women have heard it?
I'm still resenting it, I guess. I wonder if this feeling will ever go away!
No acknowledgement from him for what I do/did as the mother of his children. Nothing, nada.
My kids have always given me beautiful home-made gifts and cards, often done at school (not always). I treasure those. It is the highlight of Mother's Day, for sure. But now I resent the resentment! It gives this special day an unpleasant taste. Guess I'm going to have to work on that!
I doubt you will find many husbands who think that way. You aren't his mother, duh. You are the mother of HIS children. An acknowledgment of that is something he should do. My husband not only buys me flowers but his mother (of course) AND both his grandmothers. So all the related mothers in his life gets a feeling of appreciation.
I understand your resentment. Go to the store today and buy yourself some really nice flowers. Then thank him for them and say next year, it would be nice if he could buy them instead of you. Do you think he would get the hint or is he doing this on purpose to hurt you?
My husband did that to me too on my first Mother's Day. It hurt like hell cuz I'd always seen my dad do nice things for my mom on Mother's Day and I guess I just assumed my husband would be the same way ... it was a no-brainer for me.
So, I resigned myself to that and did the same for him on Father's Day. Well, guess what? He didn't like it one little bit. I wasn't thinking "revenge" ... I was just trying to follow his lead. And on the next Mother's Day I got a lovely card, gift and treated to dinner at a nice restaurant.
Do you celebrate his fatherhood as the father of your children? If so, maybe you should rethink that - not out of any "revenge" type of feeling, but just as a way of "accepting" his decision.
So how many men have used that line with their wife on Mother's Day? How many women have heard it?
I'm still resenting it, I guess. I wonder if this feeling will ever go away!
No acknowledgement from him for what I do/did as the mother of his children. Nothing, nada.
My kids have always given me beautiful home-made gifts and cards, often done at school (not always). I treasure those. It is the highlight of Mother's Day, for sure. But now I resent the resentment! It gives this special day an unpleasant taste. Guess I'm going to have to work on that!
My husband lead the kids in the creation of a beautiful Mom brunch. They squeezed fresh juice. The kids helped him make fresh coffee. He made eggs benedict. He has taken them out so I can nap. I love to nap. Then we grill some yummy food.
I sat at the brunch table today and almost cried. My youngest asked me if I liked my mother's day. I looked at her and told her that Dad is very, very good to me. And if she were smart she would find someone just like him.
It makes me sad that there are so many people out there who don't get basic love and respect from their spouse. It is an issue that seems to be equal opportunity ****ty for both genders. How are we like this? Why? Why do so many people fall in love and then.... **** happens?
I don't get it.
To all you Mom's out there who aren't getting the love from home, here is a big fat hug from me. And grab something to throw on the grill and come on over.
That's such a hurtful way to look at it. I'm old fashioned, but to me, its all about creating a legacy. Maybe you will be or already are the mother of children with him. If you are a mother, through you, son's learn to honor the women in their lives. An through you, daughters learn to be worthy of this honor. You are building something great. It just makes it sound so shallow when a husband doesn't realize that he is a witness to something great.
You may not be HIS mother, but you are the mother of his children. Mother's day isn't just about recognizing our mothers, but recognizing everyone who is a mother. I'm not a mother, so I don't expect to be recognized, but I have many, many friends who are and they should be recognized for all they do as a mother.
I agree with showing him on Father's Day how it feels. Although, maybe treating him good on Father's Day would show him what you expect?
I have a very hard time getting pumped up for holidays. They don't mean much to me. But you can't forget mother's day. All the kids were home this afternoon for lunch. We had about 4 together.
My in laws do not give each other cards and gifts. I suppose they have been together too long for that...more than 40 years. Dad told Ma the same "you aren't my mother" nonsense.
I've been divorced for 1.5 years after 20 years of hearing many excuses not to recognize holidays with or for me. I never ignored Father's Day and always made sure it was special for him (and my dad, and his dad--reminding him to call his dad on FD and on fil's birthday). Sometimes taking the high road is its own reward.
Had a great day with my kids--road trip to a soccer game with 2 other moms and 4 kids, total, a winning outcome, and lots of fun. Just got home after my kids "took" me to dinner, and their coupon gifts (hugs, backrubs, extra chores) are always delightful! Being a mom is its own reward, too!
So how many men have used that line with their wife on Mother's Day? How many women have heard it?
I'm still resenting it, I guess. I wonder if this feeling will ever go away!
No acknowledgement from him for what I do/did as the mother of his children. Nothing, nada.
My kids have always given me beautiful home-made gifts and cards, often done at school (not always). I treasure those. It is the highlight of Mother's Day, for sure. But now I resent the resentment! It gives this special day an unpleasant taste. Guess I'm going to have to work on that!
The feeling will go away when you allow it to.
You can allow this to taint every Mother's Day in your future, chewing on the unpleasant taste each year. Or you can scrub it off the list of expectations you have of him and set about enjoying the day - it's totally your choice.
You can choose to focus on and encourage what you already have, your children recognising the wonderfulness of you on the day or you can blow all that to the wind and keep your focus on the thing you don't have - your husband getting in to the spirit of it.
I don't agree with his take on this....to me it shows a lack of emotional intelligence and possibly laziness. But what do you do? You can either allow him to ruin YOUR day or take control back and make sure the day is a good one yourself.
I had a husband who did the same as yours....never once acknowledging my part in being the mother of his children on Mother's Day. The first few years I was like you....resented it and allowed it to take the shine off the day. Eventually I got sick of the resentment and I then decided that just because it didn't have the same meaning to him as it did to me, it didn't mean I shouldn't celebrate and have fun on the day.
You aren't MY mother! 
