Men's numbers in wife's cell phone?
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Old 05-09-2011, 11:13 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Men's numbers in wife's cell phone?

I've been lurking here for a few months now, feeling the need to ask for advice....I believe I caught an EA in it's beginning stages a few months back. Of course wife denied all and I got the "I feel smothered", etc.

Shortly after I found this site and learned that I should have had more proof before bringing the issue up. Fast forward to now-I used her cell yesterday...while keying in the number to call, an auto-populate entry popped up: a man she knew from 20+ years ago and to my knowledge hasn't spoken to since. Am I in the wrong for thinking this person has no place in her cell contacts?

Also brings up another question...who else is she conversing with and not telling me? Back when the believed EA was going on, wife told me something to the effect of "if it's important, I'll tell you about it" when talking about mails, etc between her and the other side of the EA.

Sorry for the ramblings, just looking for input on where to start.
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Old 05-09-2011, 11:18 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Men's numbers in wife's cell phone?

Have you checked the cell records? That would be the first place I would start. Who is she calling/texting? How much? Get a handle on that, then you go from there.
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Old 05-09-2011, 11:24 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Men's numbers in wife's cell phone?

Has your wife been acting distant? Do you have complete transparency in your marriage--i.e. everything like e-mails, face book, and telephones completely visible to each other?

The fact that she is complaining of feeling smothered when confronted about her behavior is a red flag. Also, the male friend from 20 years ago appearing as a contact is a red flag. But, you still need to have some solid proof before confronting. Otherwise, she will just get better at hiding her activities (if something is going on).
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Old 05-09-2011, 12:21 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Men's numbers in wife's cell phone?

Yes on the acting distant--that's what got me wondering months ago, and it seems to be coming back slowly now. I've checked cell records from time to time finding nothing out of the ordinary. I think if she is communicating with someone it's via some sort of IM or webmail app from her phone. The data tracking side leaves a lot to be desired. I've looked at the phone itself, finding nothing, but history's easily deleted.

I know the obvious app passwords, but not sure if there are possibly other email addresses I don't know about.
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Old 05-09-2011, 12:50 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Men's numbers in wife's cell phone?

My wife keeps every phone number of everyone she's ever talked to on her cell phone, hundreds and hundreds of numbers; and has also had lots of male platonic friends over the years; I trust her already so I wouldn't think twice if some random guy's name popped up. Plus I had lots of platonic ladyfriends esp. from college so that in itself is understandable.

But if you already feel you have reason to be suspicious, you probably do.
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Old 05-09-2011, 02:06 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Men's numbers in wife's cell phone?

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My wife keeps every phone number of everyone she's ever talked to on her cell phone, hundreds and hundreds of numbers; and has also had lots of male platonic friends over the years; I trust her already so I wouldn't think twice if some random guy's name popped up. Plus I had lots of platonic ladyfriends esp. from college so that in itself is understandable.

But if you already feel you have reason to be suspicious, you probably do.


In itself, it doesn't need to mean anything. Some people (like myself) are digital pack-rats. Collect information, but have difficulty throwing it out. Don't know if I have phone numbers from 20 years ago, but I definitely have phone numbers that are useless because people have likely moved on in the 10 years since I've talked to them. But only you would know if your wife is like that.

If she is using IM or something else (Skype, any number of apps that act like SMS, etc), she would have no use for storing his phone number in her phone. And if she was cheating, most like she'd use a different name for him, most likely a woman's name if she's smart.

But... Since she might have had an EA not that long ago, and she never saw it for what it was or likely for the potential harm... Some more investigation is likely in order. If you can, check her phone for apps that could be used like SMS, IM, or voice calls. You can install a key logger on your home computer, if you have one.

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Old 05-09-2011, 02:21 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Men's numbers in wife's cell phone?

Cheaters are notorious liars. Really pay attention to what your wife is saying. If she is cheating, she will ultimately get hung by her lies. A cheater/liar will get their stories out of sync and you will catch details which don't make any sense. Many times you can even add conversational questions which will "snag" them.

Are there time gaps where you can't account for her presence? If so, you may be able to gain more information by using a GPS device. It's not uncommon for a cheater to say they are going to a friend or relative's house. In actuality that is just a cover for them.

I sincerely hope you can get the answers you need. It's tough to go around with a "gut feeling" and not be able to confirm what exactly is making you feel that way.
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Old 05-09-2011, 02:47 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Men's numbers in wife's cell phone?

Thanks for the replies guys. I'm just going to bide my time....if something is going on it's just a matter of time before I find a slip up. Might go ahead and ask about that number just for fun-see what reaction I get.
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Old 05-09-2011, 02:50 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Men's numbers in wife's cell phone?

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Thanks for the replies guys. I'm just going to bide my time....if something is going on it's just a matter of time before I find a slip up. Might go ahead and ask about that number just for fun-see what reaction I get.
Keep in mind that if you tip your hand, it might suddenly get much more difficult to get any proof, assuming something is up...

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Old 05-09-2011, 02:53 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Men's numbers in wife's cell phone?

I second that. I think I would keep my cards close. It's not time to reveal your hand yet.
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Old 05-09-2011, 03:04 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Point taken-thanks again.
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Old 05-09-2011, 03:13 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Men's numbers in wife's cell phone?

Early on in my own saga, I kept making that mistake. My "gut" kept telling me the estranged husband was cheating. Each time I threw out the unsubstantiated evidence, he shot it down. After six months of that, I honestly thought I was losing my mind. It's far better to build a solid case and then nail them hard.
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Old 05-09-2011, 03:18 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Men's numbers in wife's cell phone?

BTW, when you talk about checking cell phone records, you're talkign about the records from the phone company directly, right? Not just the logs from the phone? You could also verify that the phone and the phone company records show the same history, which would indicate that she's not deleting texts, at least. But if she's using anything else, all bets are off...

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Old 05-10-2011, 04:54 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Men's numbers in wife's cell phone?

just a side note, butt dialed and booty called are two totally different things! Not that you have any business going through her phone but she shouldn't have an ex on her contacts list if they dont have a child together. No reason for her to contact old flames unless she is cheating.
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