jezebel

just wondering about everyones opinion of staying together for ur childrens well being?... i recently went back to my husband for this reason......

trey69

You may get many different answers on this.

IMO, I think when you're in a situation that is not healthy, one where there is abuse (of any kind) of where kids are learning behaviors that are not good and a parent or both parents, prove they aren't going to change etc, I think its best people do NOT stay for the kids. I know that people do what they feel is best at the time. However, I have seen many situations where couples stay together for the kids, and as the kids get older or once they are grown they have far more issues than with kids whose parents might have divorced.

Don't get me wrong, I think if whether people stay or get divorced, its going to effect the kids regardless, I just have seen in my experience it effects them more from people staying together. They learn what goes on in the environment. And then sometimes what the learned carries over into their adulthood.

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"When people are truly sick and tired of being sick and tired, that's when they will make a change."

AgentD

My mother in law stayed for the kids. They are all grown now, and to this day at 79 years old she regrets staying. Everyone of them have issues from her and her husbands choices, my husband being one of them. However as adults they have that right to remain victims or to change.

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"If you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always gotten."

jezebel

see because i am in the relationship i write off things my husband does and i try to justify his actions.... however my friends or people looking in say he is controling and manipulitive.. which i do see... he says he is in love with me and is a kind hearted man when he wants to be, my girls are young 3 n 6 and adore him and have shown big signs of improvement in school work and behavior since he and i have gotten back together... i know i made the decision to go back for them... im pretty sure it was the wrong choice for me but the best for them... so now i guess im trying to figure out how to fall back in love with someone i once hated....

magnoliagal

Not only did my mother in law stay because of the kids it's the only reason she got married in the first place. At 80 years old if a nursing home hadn't separated them we thought they'd kill each other. They had grown to be so vile towards each other over the past decade that none of us even liked visiting.

Now she has dementia so she won't even admit that she's married. Blocked it all out. She grew to become one angry woman for all her sacrifices and I find that very sad. What a way to end a life.

Oh he is a total control freak and manipulator. The worst kind because in front of people he's all sweetness and light but behind closed doors it's a whole other man. I'd never admit this to my husband but I loathe that man for what he did to my husband and MIL.

Ser Pounce-A-Lot

If you need advice on falling back in love this is what worked for me -> Marriage and Trust . In regards to your original question, if your prime motivation for staying is for the kids then in the short term it might be ok but the long term result would not be good. The reason I say that is because children subconsciously re-create their parents marriage in their own marriages/relationships and if you have an unhappy marriage then they most likely will too. You are their role model, so if you are going to stay then strive to give them a positive marital example - in terms of how to do that, I direct you to my first sentence.

If you have further questions, let me know.