Why does my husband lie to his friends and family about me? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 05-11-2011, 12:26 AM Thread Starter
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Why does my husband lie to his friends and family about me?

This has been going on a long time and over time I have realized my suspesions were correct.

He tells people bad things about me, lies, makes himself out a perfect angel. We have had a hard life but I am not the ***** he tells people I am.

Just recently, I got his emails that one of his ex coworker sent him and she pretty much bashed me. Says I am the one that is keeping them apart. Yeah, because sorry, I just don't feel it is right to drive an hour from home to meet up with ex co workers for lunch. I have never been asked to tag along on these "lunch dates" either, which to me raises flags as I know the 2 women that want him to come for lunch. One of the women started texting him every morning after he left the job, never before that though.

So in this email she says that he is not coming to lunch because I am controlling him and that I shouldn't. Then when we got in a knock down drag out the ugly truth was told, he didn't want me at their "lunch date" because I am disabled. and the fact that he flirts with every woman he comes in contact with and some woman wanted to sleep with him and he never told me (he was these women's boss too and I told him many, many times if he doesn't stop flirting he will get fired). Well he gave up his job for these woman, so yeah, I am a bit pissed about it.

But I am sick and tired of being dissed and being made the bad person here. I just don't know what to do.

Since he left this job our sex life is pretty much non existent. He blames it on his age (44). We have had a pretty rough life and I don't know if he is so self conscious of himself that he has to fill a void with other women.

In januray last year we had a life changing event happen that yeah, I got blamed for that too when that was not my families fault, so there is no telling what he told them about that.

I have tried to explain to him I got married to be a couple, we should do couple things together, yeah I know some men have man dates, but I am not that type of wife, I want us to have dates together, this is starting to be our time now (our kids are 18, 16 and 13) and I have been a stay at home mom for 13 years and my only communication is kids. I don't feel grown up, never get to see adults and yeah, I feel jealous when he wants to go out without me (though he doesn't, or at least I have not found out he has). I feel like I am the only "married" person in our "relationship" and the only adult in my house.

Am I wrong?

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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 05-11-2011, 07:33 AM
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Re: Why does my husband lie to his friends and family about me?

And you're with him why? Surely not love...how can you love a man who bashes you and tells lies about you, NOT to mention is flirting and probably more with these women.

Obviously he has checked out of the marriage for whatever reason(s). My advice to you would be, get yourself a job, now that the kids are older, save you up some money and try to make a better life for yourself, because the one you're in now, isn't healthy.

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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 05-11-2011, 09:19 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Why does my husband lie to his friends and family about me?

I am with him because our agreement years ago was to get through what broke our marriage, 2009 we were working on repairing our family, doing great at it and the bomb dropped on all 5 of us. So we had to get through that, then he ended up quicking his job of 24 years. He said when I brought up we needed to work harder on our marriage after the thing that happened in Janaury now he goes and blames me when in reality it isn't either one of our faults, I was just doing what a mom, wife, and someone working would do, yeah I was depressed but my goal was to fix what happened, same as last year. However he then says it didn't happen over night (marriage trouble) and can't be fixed overnight and right then was not the time to work on the marriage. So I laid off for a while. Well it is now May and I brought it up again, he tells me again, it isn't gonna be fixed overnight, too much water under the bridge, maybe I shouldn't of turned him down to sex back with the kids were under 6, and so on. So I tell him again, well then let me go, well he doesn't want to. But he does not get I miss affection, I miss being loved, I miss the warmth of a man, I miss being a woman and doing couple things.

So now we are here in our life, I am disabled and cannot work. I have mobility issues and rely on him to do the husband type of things that my 18 year old can't do. So I am stuck, he doesn't want out, but doesn't want to work at it. I am caught in the middle of lies, he won't tell these women he lied to them etc.

I am not sure what his problem is, why he has to dog me unless it is to get sympathy from woman to feel the affection he won't let me give him (sometimes I don't want to anymore because it isn't appreciated). He even told me once, when he was complaining about my "housework". I told him I am doing the best I can, his reply was "well your best isn't good enough".

When I cry he thinks I am a baby, I am just so broken at this point. I feel if woman would stay out of our lives it wouldn't be so bad, but they think I am the bad guy when Im not.
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