marriedwoman

Yesterday I finally told my husband that I thought it was time for hime to start looking for his own place. There is a girl that I am uncomfortable about that he talks to, and I found something that was a "joke" to him, but to me, I didn't think it was appropriate. (Story is, is that I asked him when he last talked to her, he said he hadn't in a long time... 2 days later I still wake up with a sick feeling in my stomach, so I check is phone. and wouldn't you guess? the morning before I asked him that, he talked to her... but he LIED to me about it, and that's an issue we've always dealt with)

He got mad and went to work after I told him to move out. When he came home we talked for hours. First about what would happen when we separated. Then he said that he wanted to to go MC.

about a year ago I told him we needed marriage counseling, but he told me, "I think YOU need counseling because you're the one with all the problems." I of course stayed with him because I loved him, and still do.

At this point though, when I asked him to move out, it's because I really felt like that was it, I couldn't GIVE anymore.

Now I wonder, should I go see the MC with him?
Or is it really too late?

he asked last night if I would even try at this point, and he knows (and stated) that he feels like I WANTED to work on this relationship, but at this point I no longer do.
I told him I'll give 100% AFTER HE DOES at this point. I said that I've tried to work on this all along (mind you, we've only been married for 1.5 years..together for about 3.5 years total) and I need to see HIM try for a change.

Should I just go to MC though at this point?
...I'm leaving it up to him to set it all up (find the counselor, set up the appointment, ect)....not sure how long that will take, but I told him it needs to be done ASAP (I'm thinking within 1 week if possible, but no longer than 2)...

Am I being unreasonable?

Dedicated2Her

No you are not. Also, it is not too late. However, he must be prepared to change and have you see those changes for 6-8 months before you start taking steps to him. Good luck.
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marriedwoman

Thank you =)

I just went for a drive to grab a coffee, and it hit me:
I'm so angry right now that he wants to go to MC now, because maybe this is his REAL wake up call..and that maybe he didn't care before?
BUT, I've been working on this for over a year!!!
...I don't think he has any idea how hard, and how much more work I'M going to have to put into this, since I've already detached to the point that I want him to move out, and for us to basically get a divorce.

I mean is that love on his end? He told me yesterday that he doesn't want to lose me...but shouldn't he have cared enough about my feelings, to not get me to this point?

Dedicated2Her

I know. It stinks. The same happened with me 8 months ago and we are starting to see real, amazing changes. The next few months are going to be very hard. You will experience a wide range of anger, etc. However, most men don't ever really change. I hope your situation is different. I've been fortunate to have mentors help me and keep me accountable.
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Ser Pounce-A-Lot

I can understand your frustration. He should have cared enough, absolutely. However, you are only in control of what you bring to the relationship and if you truly want to try to re-make a life with your spouse then you are going to need to focus on the future and not the past. Easier said than done, of course, but putting the focus on re-connecting and not blaming is the only way to move forward. Otherwise you'll be stuck in the past. That's not to say there aren't problems to work through. Far from it. But if you put the problems aside temporarily and come back to them when you have built up some goodwill between you it will be easier to deal with them. If you want to know how to do that, I highly recommend signing up for the free Marriage Fitness e-mail series (that is what turned my marriage around).

To answer your other question: it's never too late to rebuild. I've been to rock bottom and come back from it.

I guess you need to decide if you truly want to try again. Give it some serious introspective thought. If you want to rebuild then great, if you don't then make a clean break.

That's my advice. Hope it helps you.

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