Should wife go out clubbing when husband disagrees?
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Old 05-17-2011, 10:24 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Should wife go out clubbing when husband disagrees?

My wife likes to go out with her friends and says she needs girl time. I feel left out to some degree but I understand she needs that time. A couple of nights ago my wife went out with her friends for her birthday. I noticed she was wearing a shirt that shows a lot of cleveage. I asked her to wear something that wasnt so sexy since I was sure they were going out to clubs. She reluctantly agreed. She went out and hit various clubs. They stayed out until bar closing time and was home around 3 am. I later saw a pic of her taking a shot of liqour that was placed between some guys legs. That made me upset. I told her I can deal with her going out with her friends but it makes me uncomfortable when she insists on wearing sexy cloths to a club and is doing things like taking shots of liqour between a guys legs. It was an arguement. It ended with her telling me she is a big girl and will do what ever she wants. I feel embarrassed because every friend she has knows she is married. I feel disrespected because of the same issue. I feel like she doenst care what I think and will do as she pleases.

My question is am I over reacting like she is telling me or should she be more understanding of how i am seeing this?
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Old 05-17-2011, 10:50 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should wife go out clubbing when husband disagrees?

I'm pretty liberal about these things until I see evidence that it is more than just clubbing with the girls (something I enjoyed while married). Many women just like the live music, girl talk, and silliness and do not care for male attention--it's actually intrusive if you really just want "girls' night out."

The photo is evidence that she is flirting--to say the least. If she needs attention from other men, she has self-esteem issues. I'd strongly recommend you seek marriage counseling and bring up this specific issue. It affects your marriage b/c SHE doesn't feel good enough about herself and therefore makes poor choices

It isn't enough that she simply bow to your will here; the two of you need to focus on the bigger issue. If you just intimidate her, the problem will go underground and not be resolved. Good luck.
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Old 05-17-2011, 11:18 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should wife go out clubbing when husband disagrees?

I think she is disrespecting you and she is walking on thin ice. At the very lest, if a spouse is doing something that makes the other uncomfortable than they should stop when requested. I think going out drinking till all hours with the girls is problematic. The problem is that she is seeking attention from men and that is the beginning of a slip into infidelity. Some guy will pay her some attention, she is intoxicated by the attention and will not be likely to resist an emotional or physical involvement.

I do not think you need to hesitate in drawing a line in the sand. Don't let her start down this road. Find out what is going on. Is she feeling a crisis because of age? Do youbtwo have shared activities, do you spend quality time together? You have to decide what you will do if she challenges you on this. Read the manning up info in the men's clubhouse. I think you need to handle this with some major male mojo, don't act weak and unsure the way you are now. Tell her what you expect as her husband.

Let me ask you this - if you began to have a guy's night out drinking and drinking shots from between some hot chick's breast, what would her reaction be? There is your answer. If she continues maybe you should become cool towards her and begin having a boys night out. Get her to worry about you she is not so likely to think you are so safe that she can do as she pleads and you will always be there. Let her feel that you will not stay with her no matter how much she puts the relationship in danger and disrespect you. You don't have to stand by and observe her thumbing her nose at you.
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Old 05-17-2011, 11:51 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should wife go out clubbing when husband disagrees?

I strongly suggest that you go to the Men's Clubhouse and discuss manning up.
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Old 05-17-2011, 11:52 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should wife go out clubbing when husband disagrees?

when I was single " girls night out" meant going out clubbing, flirting, taking pics like the ones your wife did! Now that I am married "girls night out" means a movie, dinner, shopping stuff like that. We don't go out doing the same things we did as when we were single ladies. That to me would mean disrespect towards my husband. I live by the saying "do unto others as you would like others do unto you" Would you're wife be okay with you going out with the boys clubbing and taken shots from some girls legs or whatever?? I betcha she wouldn't like it very much!!! If you don't mind me asking, how old is your wife?
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Old 05-18-2011, 02:53 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should wife go out clubbing when husband disagrees?

My hubby has no problem with me dressing sexy and showing some cleavage with him or without him. I even asked him the other day before I went out to the bar with my sis and gf's which I should wear and he picked the one with the cleavage, short dress. He has no problem at all and he knows that I love fashion and dressing up. I love to have fun with my gf's but on the other hand, I wouldn't be flirting with the guys while I'm out though. Total disrespect to my hubby and taking advantage.
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Old 05-18-2011, 03:20 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should wife go out clubbing when husband disagrees?

Quote:
Originally Posted by AFW8 View Post
when I was single " girls night out" meant going out clubbing, flirting, taking pics like the ones your wife did! Now that I am married "girls night out" means a movie, dinner, shopping stuff like that. We don't go out doing the same things we did as when we were single ladies. That to me would mean disrespect towards my husband. I live by the saying "do unto others as you would like others do unto you" Would you're wife be okay with you going out with the boys clubbing and taken shots from some girls legs or whatever?? I betcha she wouldn't like it very much!!! If you don't mind me asking, how old is your wife?
What is the point of going to a club when you are married? My husband really does not want me dancing up with other men; he would not have married me if I was a club hopper. I have never been into that scene.

The wife sounds immature, so the age question makes sense.
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Old 05-18-2011, 06:54 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should wife go out clubbing when husband disagrees?

I agree with Sister359, if she needs attention from elsewhere she does have self esteem issues. If you got to the route of this it would probably solve your other problems.
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Old 05-18-2011, 07:36 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should wife go out clubbing when husband disagrees?

You feel disrespected because you are being disrespected.

Whether she was clubbing or simply going to the library, it is enough that her saying she "is a big girl and will do whatever she wants" shows where you fall in the food chain, and it is not where you want to be as a man.

For me that alone would be invitation for her to find herself either in marriage counselling or divorce court, one or the other, as such an attitude is too immature to be in a workable marriage.

And as well, going "clubbing" in this way is for one thing, male attention. The picture alone would as well be starting the motion to separation and divorce, as no man should expect his married woman to be engaged in such nonsense, and it is as well only a matter of time before her behavior in this things winds her up in bed with some other man anyway.

For your own happiness, and if you intend to save your marriage, I strongly say to you to stand up firmly for yourself starting today.

Calmly state your position that you intend to be married to someone who will respect you and your marriage, and take steps to separate your woman from this kind of nonsense.

And hard to say but it is truth, do so with the attitude that even if it means you will start down the road to get a lawyer and pursue divorce and eventually find someone else, as much as this may sound drastic now, it is the bucket of cold water that is sorely needed.

A woman seeing she is with the kind of man that WILL stand to fight for his marriage and WILL fight for HIS own respect as well, even greatly to the point that she may end up alone, this is the woman who will think twice about the need to look for a man outside her own house!

Stand for yourself and your marriage!

I wish you well.
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Old 05-18-2011, 08:05 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should wife go out clubbing when husband disagrees?

Girls night out doesn't mean taking shots from between the legs of ANYONE. When did girls night out become a sleazy free-for-all??

I'm no prude and i love to party as much as the next gal but there are limits!

I get that women need time with their girlfriends but evening time is couple time in my opinion. Go out with the girls on a saturday afternoon or whatever. Spend the night time with each other do sexy night time stuff...gee like going clubbing together and THEN she can do a shot from between YOUR legs
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Old 05-18-2011, 08:38 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should wife go out clubbing when husband disagrees?

taking a shot of booze from betweens some dudes legs.

totaly unexceptable.

you dropped the ball on this one.and then she tell you shes a big girl.


sounds like shes the **** girl.
If some girl would do a shot from between MY legs.I would take her home and bang the **** out of her because that how she is acting.

married girls only do that stuff to there husbands,


She sending you a clear message that she don't care what you think.
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Old 05-18-2011, 10:23 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should wife go out clubbing when husband disagrees?

john 5,

I understand your frustration in this situaton. Let me ask you a few questions,
1. are you a jealous type of person
2. is this NORMAL behavior for her or is it just out of the blue
3. do you trust she wouldn't do anything with another man

my husband isn't a jealous type. He knew when we got together I liked to go clubbing. he doesn't like clubs. So he is very much ok with me going out with the girls and dancing / drinking.

it is very normal for me to go dancing, with guys or girls. 90% of the time I am the DD, so he knows I won't drink and drive.
if this was out of the ordinary behavior, then i would sit and talk to her, as she is the ONLY one that can tell you what she wants from you.

if you trust her, then there is nothing to worry about. She feels confident enough to tell you where she s going and with who, and even shows the photos. She was (it sounds to me) just havng fun and wanted to show you.

I think asking her if you can do anything for her is your best bet. That doesn't sound like you are acusing her of anything and it makes you look good and shows her you care and want to improve for her. (all women love to hear it!)
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Old 05-19-2011, 08:50 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should wife go out clubbing when husband disagrees?

Ahh... The Girls night out. The last bastion of legitimate infidelity for women and the subject that brought me to these forums 2 years ago. How can you have a problem with your wife out having a little fun with the girls?

Every single male in the club is looking for some strange. EVERY one. A majority of the women are as well. And the ones that aren't frequently make the "I was just so drunk" mistake. Your wife and her friends have targets on their asses as soon as they enter the door, and men take shots all night. AND THEY LOVE IT!! That's why they're there.

I wish, wish, WISH I had done some spying. Not keyloggers or GPS, but real, visual contact spying. Get a friend who doesn't know your wife to show up. Hire a PI (I WISH i did). Get a full report, with pictures if possible. I can guarantee her actions scream "here I am men, come and get me".

That one pic of her whoring with a strange guy wasn't the worst thing that happened on one of her nights and it was FAR FROM the only thing.

Your wife will do what she wants to do? So will you. She gets Friday night, you get Saturday. Switch on alternating weekends. Show her pictures of the girls you partied with all night. Make it nice and even.

You have big problems in your marriage my friend. BIG problems. Your wife is looking for the excitement in men that she doesn't get from you. BIG problems!!

Put an end to this NOW. Good luck to you

(And just out of curiosity, how did the picture show up? I'm sure it wasn't "look at how cute this picture came out honey. Which frame do you think will work best?)
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Old 05-19-2011, 09:08 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should wife go out clubbing when husband disagrees?

My 2 cents. My wife goes out for girl's night and she dresses to the 9's in regards to being sexy. That doesn't bother me because i trust her. I know she dresses this way to look good for everyone, and know its a stroke to her ego when guys are checking her out. And get this, she tells me she dances with guys... again, this doesn't bother me. She even tells me when guys be trying to gt all close up on her... no biggee, that's what loser guys try to do. And long as she doesn't do anything for me to suspect something "extra" is going on... she will never get anytype of negative reaction from me.

That being said, if i found her taking shots between some dudes legs... i'd be LIVID!!! Because know you've betrayed that trust, and have lowered your guard to do something this foolish. Now i have to question your judgement, and wonder what else you did that night that wasn't caught on camera. Tell your wife this is inexscusable behavior and it must not continue. If she wants to play hard ball... threaten that if she doesn't chill, she will come home to an empty house.
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Old 05-19-2011, 12:04 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Should wife go out clubbing when husband disagrees?

Right now, it's pics of shots. Either she found him very attractive or her GF's egged her on to do it. What happens if she gets good and sloshed, and decides to "go out back" with one of the guys, especially when she thinks that "I'm a big girl"? Or, her friends start telling her: "Go on, he's hot and you deserve this excitement-we'll cover for you". If her friends know she is married and are encouraging this behavior, it doesn't take a genius to know that they will facilitate her gettin' her freak on.
You need to put and end to this IMMEDIATELY!
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