Is it okay for husbands to text female co workers?
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Old 05-18-2011, 08:33 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Question Is it okay for husbands to text female co workers?

i would just like to know if it is ok for a husband to text a female co worker? The texts are just banter and joking around and not everyday or all the time because they work side by side basically. Juat a text or two in the morning being funny or a text or two in the afternoon when the boss is hovering and they cant talk. She tells my husband he would look more attractive if he dyed his hair instead of looking like a old man with his few grey's. I do talk to the female and she assures me she doesnt break up marriages and she will keep an eye on him for me. she seems nice but im still weary. My question is......is it ok to text your co worker banter every once in a while?
esp when he knows im insecure and jelouse?
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Old 05-18-2011, 09:12 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is it okay for husbands to text female co workers?

My husband and I have a rule that says no this isn't acceptable. We are old fashioned and both jealous types. He doesn't like me chatting with other men and I don't want him chatting with other women. All his conversations with other women are strictly work related or 1000% friend only. A time or two I've seen him have women cross that line at work with intimacy and he's always responded by backing off.

Again this is something we both agree on.
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Old 05-18-2011, 09:24 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is it okay for husbands to text female co workers?

NO.I am dealing with this issue as we speak and let me tell you, I'm starting to learn that this playful banter bullsh*t doesn't stop at texts...it carries over to their face-to-face interaction and can escalate to "harmless" flirting in the blink of an eye then escalate to a full blown EA and possibly PA.

Put a stop to it ASAP.
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Old 05-18-2011, 09:34 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is it okay for husbands to text female co workers?

thing is if i do that he will get upset he will say i am trying to control him...even when i asked him to stop looking at profile pictures behind my back or just in general he says he will not stop looking and that i am trying to control him and i told him no im not im just insecure and it doesnt make me feel good. But he doesnt seem to understand that. He gets defensive and angry..
also even if i did ask him to stop he will still carry on at work with the banter and i thought might be ok cause just a few texts and harmless banter. now im uneasy and not sure what to do
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Old 05-18-2011, 09:48 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is it okay for husbands to text female co workers?

Define "looking at profile pictures", please...

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Old 05-18-2011, 09:55 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is it okay for husbands to text female co workers?

No, he's putting you in a position to be insecure and jealous.

His behaviour is wrong, he should care more about you and your feelings, and if you were 100% confidant in him I am sure you would feel secure.
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Old 05-18-2011, 10:01 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is it okay for husbands to text female co workers?

Absolutely not...this is how EA's and PA's get started
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Old 05-18-2011, 10:05 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is it okay for husbands to text female co workers?

My H texts female coworkers about work and will occasionally get a text about something else. I don't mind that one bit.

If there were multiple texts daily that weren't work related I'd be upset as well. I expect him to be friendly with his coworkers, but not to the point of needing constant contact to discuss random topics. If another woman were to tease him about his looks and suggest something to make him more handsome, I'd ask him to keep contact with her to a minimum and to ignore all non work related texts from then on.
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Old 05-18-2011, 10:27 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is it okay for husbands to text female co workers?

with looking at profile pictures it is if he sees a woman with cleavage or bending over sexy woman. he says he will not stop looking cause its just looking and he thinks im controlling him asking him to stop.... The texts are not daily just once in a while to put a amount id guess maybe 3 one day and then none for the rest of week or maybe 2 one day and 2 or 3 another day and no more for week. he sits right in front of her and she is a funny person and i think its just banter cause the hair thing came up cause she asked him to dye hair so she doesnt sit beside a 50 year old man and i said i would dye his hair to her on facebook and she said he would look more attractive and young again. She also mentioned to me i have no worries she doesnt ruin marriages or relationships. my husband says i shouldnt worry all he wants is me. i just have a gut feeling because my husband and i are having realtionship troubles that he might be having a emotional affair and she wouldnt know. some woman dont mind there man talking to other woman etc... my husgand knows im insecure because of our issues but he doesnt seem to understand how all this affects me in my issues.
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Old 05-18-2011, 10:34 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is it okay for husbands to text female co workers?

But what kind of profile? Where is he going to see them?

A text or 3 a day doesn't strike me as being unreasonable. But if you've got suspicions of a relationship issue, then start dealing with it/them. Whether or not he's having an EA, deal with the issues.

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Old 05-18-2011, 10:36 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is it okay for husbands to text female co workers?

It's ok to me as long as it's all work related.
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Old 05-18-2011, 10:40 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is it okay for husbands to text female co workers?

Tread carefully. Especially if she's telling him how he would look more attractive, and banter and blah blah... it's a problem.
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Old 05-18-2011, 10:46 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is it okay for husbands to text female co workers?

we both add random people for application purposes and some r sexy woman like models etc.... he looks at his co workers profile now and again too but he says he is juts looking he mostly looks at facebook profiles with sexy woman. he sometimes looks at his guy friends pics. with my suspician is because he is distant from me because i am insecure of our relationship and have talks with him about how i feel and he gets fed up and drained he says. i know i have to try and forget past and just trust in him i just hate feeling like im in competitiion with other females.
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Old 05-18-2011, 10:48 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is it okay for husbands to text female co workers?

It does not sound innocent. Sorry.

Playful banter is what you do when you are interested in someone. She might just like the attention and not plan on it going anywhere, but that doesn't mean it won't. Someone's intentions are not pure in this "friendship". How would he respond if you just stated that you felt insecure with it instead of telling him to stop?
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~ You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough. ~

Or, you could be a big sap and trust your husband, and he could end up being a lying, spineless, cheater.
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Old 05-18-2011, 10:58 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is it okay for husbands to text female co workers?

he knows im insecure in myself and my marriage. he has done stuff in past to lose my trust but thinks i should leave it in past and start fresh and the more relaxed i am the more relaxed he will be and give me what i need in my realtionship. he says im the only woman for him. he doesnt ever want to split up. i even offered him another woman he doesnt want or even swinging to give him a better sex life (not that i dont give it cause i want it he doesnt) figured he was bored and would offer but he doesnt want it. im so confused. should i be jelouse or am i being to dramatic and stupid about this?

sometimes i feel he doesnt care about my feelings or about what he is doing to make me feel this way. cause what he does affects how i feel. the no sex, distant, moody, and def doesnt liketo talk about our relationship troubles he rolls his eyes and gets mad. i know it is because i was doing it on a daily basis its because i dont think he listens or understands.
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