05-19-2011, 07:56 AM
Join Date: Apr 2011
| | Trying a 180....how long does it take?
Since my H and I have done an in house separation, he's been WONDERFUL. NO outbursts whatsoever. I am still planning on moving out, but am wanting to view it as a trial separation. He agreed at first that's how he would look at it too.
Since then, he's tried to take back control of the situation by telling me he doesn't love me and if I move out it's permanent. That was followed up by an extreme amount of pain and tears from me, and I told him that I still loved him. Which I do. But it's long past time I drew a line in the sand and finally get the courage to stand up for myself and the kids and what I am willing to tolerate from his behavior.
For the past 2 days I've been showing him a cheery side (UGH, it's HARD!) I've been trying to do a 180, and when we leave, I plan on doing no contact for about 30 days.
My counselor said he could come to our next session if I wanted him to and if he wanted to. So I just told him about it. I'm not asking......just giving him the info and letting him decide what he wants to do with it.
So how long is the 180 supposed to take until it works? If it ever works? He's been in a fine mood, but I am dying to see SOMEthing that makes me think he is willing to not give up on me and the kids. I mean, how can someone just throw away their family????????????
It's so hard for me to leave. I don't want to. But I NEED to. I'm trying so hard to look at it like this is HIS choice.....I would stay if he showed me a REAL attempt at wanting me/us.......but *I* am the one leaving! So I feel guilty about my decision. How on earth do I get over the guilt?
Sorry, I am trying not to flood the board with threads.....but I don't really have any local support.