CharlieBrown

Ok, I have been living in a hotel for almost a week now. My wife who 8 weeks ago asked for a separation now wants to try and move foward and see if we can make the marriage work. Ok, sounds great. However, after being gone for about 5 days, my brain feels stuck. I know I want to go back home and work it out, but something in my head is saying. "Are you sure this is what you want." I have no idea as to why, but when I try to think about why I wouldnt want to go back home, its like a wheel in my head is stuck and I cant think anything. I learned a new word today and It may be whats wrong, but have no idea what I am to do. Maybe its a sign that for whatever reason, Im not ready yet? Though, to me, it seems like the longer I think about it, the more risk I take that she wont continue to want me back. Where does a person go from here? Oh, the new word I learned was: Ambivalence.

Jellybeans

Go home. Try to work your marriage out.

Design a plan for both of you to recover: marriage counselling, talking about where you're at, her needs, your needs, plan a date night.

credamdóchasgra

Of course you're ambivalent. Of course you're nervous.

It's uncomfortable to be in-between. We aren't made for being half-in, half-out of something.

But, the fact that you BOTH are willing to DO something is a huge step.

Try to keep your mind clear, talk yourself down from the worry before you go home, and then take Jellybeans' advice.

__________________
Life is 10 percent what you make it, and 90 percent how you take it.

Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.

SimplyAmorous

I think you should WRITE your feelings out, all the good memories, what you want to recapture, what made you fall in love with her, but also ALL the bad, as rawfully as you can- to get a handle on your emotions, deny nothing in this writing.

Both of you should makes lists of the the Good , things you want to hold onto in marraige and a separate list of all the damaging/things you need to work on for change. So you can sit down soon, lay it all out, share honesty with each other -trying not to blame but discuss how -what the other DOES make you FEEL. Listen closely to each other, admit your faults to each other, to see if true compromise & a willingness for change is there, coming half way to please the other. To see if another go is possible.

Also list your DEAL BREAKERS, those things that you will no longer accept in the marraige.

__________________
"Love Good Blog"

Jellybeans

^ I love this idea. Good advice, Simply.

CharlieBrown

Thanks everyone. The advise seems very wise. I will say this morning, we were served with our Foreclosure Trustee sale date. Obviuously, this confused both of us, as now we have a date we have to work with to move out of the house, so now its either we move together as a family or go our separate ways. However, to bring some good news! I am moving back into our house this evening. She is so happy and the kids are going crazy already. So, this is a really great sign. Lots of things to work out, we sure do. But right now we are meeting half way and I will honesty say, it wasnt for the direct, honest statements and advise that has been given to me on this site, I am positive I would not have been as clear headed. I want my marriage, but the advise here has made me stronger, lifted my self-esteem and I have the confidence now to do whatever is best for ME in the end. I will be sure to keep everone updated.