RUCRES

I will try to keep this short and to the point, but a lot going on.
My husband had a traumatic head injury two months ago. After almost losing him and after three weeks in a coma, he is starting to make progress. I have three children, am trying to keep my husbands business running(our only source of income)and most importantly monitoring and supporting my husbands care in a nursing home for the long road ahead.
Previous to the accident, my husband and I have struggled off and on over the last 18 years, mostly due to the outside influence of my inlaws.
My mother in law has always been very critical of me and manipulative. At times putting my husband and myself against eachother out of her jealousy. But oddly enough, I realize deep down this is the only way she knows how to be.
After her last bout of criticism and disgust towards me this week, I let loose 18 years of pent up emotion explode. Nothing I said wasnt true, part of me feels badly, only because I dont want anyone to hurt, but I also feel that she has never taken into consideration my feelings over the years and quite frankly, my focus at this point is for my husband, children and keeping myself sane. She says I am selfish. I have worked with her and my sister inlaw closely for my husbands care. Keeping everyone in the loop. But now, I am the ogre. My entire family is 2000 miles away. I am doing this all on my own and quite frankly, at times feel very alone.
I cant bring myself to apologize to his mother yet. Am I being selfish in feeling this way? Am I the ogre?

magnoliagal

Why should you apologize?

jmespace

I agree - why apologize? I say let time pass & your hurt heel 1st & foremost.

KI0159

Sounds to me like she asked for it. Might be a bumpy road with her for a little while since she's got away with critizing you for many years but you're only human like everyone else you have a limit.
My mother in law comes between me and H aswell. She has certain ways of doing things that if I said anything then I too would be the bad one.

If you apologize you will at some point regret that you did. I think wait it out and hopefully she'll realize how out of order she's being.

nynaeve3

Sounds like a highly stressful situation that you are in, last thing you need is someone on your case unnecessarily. I think your mother-in-law is only thinking of herself, otherwise she'd realise that there are more important things to be tending to at the moment and just pitch in. I think apologising would only reinforce your MIL's intention to continue being a pain.

VLR

You're in a tough situation and you don't need her grief. With everything you are going through, she chooses a time like that to start in on you with criticism? Unacceptable! She is not a healthy influence. You are in the right to tell her to back off and you owe her nothing. Do what you have to do for your family. Because you are really in need of help and your family is far away I can understand why you may be willing to tolerate a certain amount of lip if she can watch the kids or run an errand here or there. I get that.

If she's not doing anything to lighten your load, you should not let her add her two cents at a time like this.