05-22-2011, 04:04 PM
Join Date: Apr 2011
| | help with suspicions
I have written a list of things that make me think my partner of 9 year, and father to our 2 children, may be hiding something from me. What do you think I should do with this?
Up until this point in our relationship I have never had any doubts about trusting him and I am 100% faithful in our relationship. I am struggling to believe that the man i love would ever do this to me. I have confronted him about most of these point and he can explain away them all
Its import for you to know that he runs a pub and it is common for drinkers to still be there at 2/3/4 am esp on weekends.
Things that make me suspicious:
*after 2 weeks of coming home past 5am every night, I find him passed out in bed with the barmaid while his phone was turned off
*he never leaves his phone lying around, even when it doesn’t make sense for him to remove it from the charger eg take it with him to iron a shirt,
*he got upset when I wanted to use it to send a text
*he told me (out of the blue) that he had started deleting his sent texts to see if that helped with a technical problem he was having with his phone
*he keeps his phone on silent and/or turns it off when at home
*He still regularly comes home after 4.30/5am – but if I am out with him we are always home early
*he doesn’t like me coming to the pub, doesn’t invite me to works night out
*he refuses to fire barmaid, or ask her to move out
*I found emails that barmaid had ‘poked’ him many times on fb, so therefore he also poked her back
*There is a sent message on his fb to the barmaid about 2 weeks before I found them in bed that says ‘we need to talk asap’
*he gives her lifts, even after telling me he couldn’t look her in the eye as he was embarrased that he fell asleep drunk in her bed and I found him (but was fine to be alone with her in the car!)
*I only found out about the lifts because he was seen, and the time he told me about it he was also seen
*he very rarely calls or texts me when he’s at work
*he often doesn’t reply to my calls or texts
*the gossip in the pub is that there is something going on between them
*when I asked him if he fancied her he hesitated and didn’t say ‘no’ right away
*all of his friends have cheated on the partner, is he the only one that stays faithful?
Things that make me feel safe:
*he is affectionate and we still make love
*we are best friends, and have always been close
*He has opened his emails and facebook while I’ve been able to see the screen
*he knows that i know his passwords to email acc and facebook
*he has called the barmaid on work related matter while in the same room as me
*after finding them in bed he has made a big effort to reduce his hours and spend more time with me
*he loves me and has a lot to lose
*he is a good man, and I can’t believe that he would hurt me this way
*he trusts me and knows I would never cheat on him – even after everything that has happened
*our relationship is good and strong – we communicate well and argue fairly, we both admit when we are wrong and we both consider the other persons feelings
*I can’t see a reason for him to need to find affection/sex outside of our relationship – things were going really well between us just before and in the beginning of him getting the pub. We were happy
I know that if i was looking at the lists above I would most likely think the poster was an idiot for thinking anything apart from an affair. So I'm not really asking you all if he is cheating, only he knows that, but rather what should I do?
I really don't have the inclination or time, money etc to snoop on him - i don't want to drive myself crazy. The main think that I haven't confonted him about is his phone. If i ask him about it either he will be upset that I don't trust him or he will know I'm on to him and cover his tracks better.
what should I do?
Last edited by ishe?; 11-25-2011 at 02:24 PM.