General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
New to this and posted this in a different forum...but mb thought of see i could get more answers here. But here my story: Me and my husband have been separated for about 5months and divorce has been a topic but he tends to get upset when i mention it. The separation was mutural but now i changed my mind and want to keep our family together. but he choose to stay alone because he doesnt want to love no more. I hurt him with my pushyness...naging...and i know that i wasnt the best house wife. He worked up to 16hrs a day and i still complained that he never helped me around the house and when weekend came he wanted to hangout with his friends and naturally id get upset. so alittle by little we'd fight 24/7 and decided to separate. With the separation he started to come by on the weekends...but not really talk about our problems and now it hurts because our son is relizing that "wheres his daddy?" and i hurt because i find myself alone and i love him and ive seen my mistakes and learn to love and respect a man that takes care of his family. I left calm and understanding about how he felt on our marriage. I was able to get a good job after not working for two yrs and provide my son a home. So how did the whole baby idea come in. Well about a month ago i started to see pregnancy symtoms and i felt so much joy...that now i can have somthing to help me coupe with the loss of my marriage and giving me and my son somthing to look foward to even if me and my husband never get back together. But when the test came out negitive...i was quite sad. So now I considering in actually getting preganant from of course my husband and of course he said no...but i told him u cant have sex with me then...and if he never does...hey...it wont hurt me cuz i wont feel used everytime he leaves my home. So what should i do??? sry for the spelling/grammer
From your other post you said your husband was the one who initiated the separation & now only wants to see you on the weekends because otherwise he finds you "boring." You don't live together and he wont' commit fully to the marriage. He's also told you he's not down with you getting pregnant.
Why on earth would you want to get pregnant by him? What am I missing here?
A piece of him...we already have a son together...and when i thought i was pregnant it made me feel happy that my mind wont be wrapped around our marriage and focused on our children who are important...thanks for nothing...
A piece of him...we already have a son together...and when i thought i was pregnant it made me feel happy that my mind wont be wrapped around our marriage and focused on our children who are important...thanks for nothing...
It is very unwise to use a baby to satisfy a need in yourself. If you want to have something to focus on, perhaps a better choice would be taking a class, starting or restarting a hobby, engaging in an exercise program, volunteer work. All of these can distract and enrich you.
A baby is a human being who should be brought in this world primarily for HIS or HER benefit. Not yours. A broken home is not the ideal place to bring in a new child. You will make the very best of it for the sake of your existing son. You have no choice. And he will be fine. But it would be selfish to add a new baby to this to satisfy you.
It is very unwise to use a baby to satisfy a need in yourself. If you want to have something to focus on, perhaps a better choice would be taking a class, starting or restarting a hobby, engaging in an exercise program, volunteer work. All of these can distract and enrich you.
A baby is a human being who should be brought in this world primarily for HIS or HER benefit. Not yours. A broken home is not the ideal place to bring in a new child. You will make the very best of it for the sake of your existing son. You have no choice. And he will be fine. But it would be selfish to add a new baby to this to satisfy you.
A piece of him...we already have a son together...and when i thought i was pregnant it made me feel happy that my mind wont be wrapped around our marriage and focused on our children who are important...thanks for nothing...
Just because people don't agree with what you want to hear, that doesn't mean they're giving you nothing. Sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings on that.
In my opinion, your husband would have to be crazy to give in to something like this. Although I'm not a big fan of the idea of post-separation sex when both spouses aren't on the same page as far as what the destination is anyway...
I can see how being pregnant would be a distraction from the problems in your marriage. But that's not a solution. You're just avoiding the problem, and in fact, compounding the problem.
It is very unwise to use a baby to satisfy a need in yourself. If you want to have something to focus on, perhaps a better choice would be taking a class, starting or restarting a hobby, engaging in an exercise program, volunteer work. All of these can distract and enrich you.
A baby is a human being who should be brought in this world primarily for HIS or HER benefit. Not yours. A broken home is not the ideal place to bring in a new child. You will make the very best of it for the sake of your existing son. You have no choice. And he will be fine. But it would be selfish to add a new baby to this to satisfy you.
Look, It would definitely be unwise to try to bring a baby into the situation your in. There was a time not that long ago that me and my soon to be ex wife were talking about having another child. But when things got a little shaky in our marriage we decided to put it on hold. Now I have to say that was the best decision we have ever made together. Now that is my take I hope it helps you..
A piece of him...we already have a son together...and when i thought i was pregnant it made me feel happy that my mind wont be wrapped around our marriage and focused on our children who are important...thanks for nothing...
Yes, by all means, bring a child into this dynamic. especially when your husband has said he doesn't want one.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom6547
It is very unwise to use a baby to satisfy a need in yourself.
But it would be selfish to add a new baby to this to satisfy you.
Wow, you went mid-80's on us with "word!" Haven't used that since junion-high.
What we think is missing in all this is, yes she that will help her through her current situation. But methinks also, that she thinks a new baby will bring husband back home. Only part i agree with the OP about is not breaking off the husband the nookie anymore. You can't have have your cake and eat it to. When you are seperated... you are seperated, which means you need to keep your hands to yourself while you are trying to patch things up. Sex... can only confuse this, so no wonder you feel like a just a hole in the wall, because there is no passion to what you are doing.
Having a baby with him right now seems to me like the worst thing you could do. Why bring a baby into this situation? And if I was him there is no way. He is already going to be paying child support on one child. Why would he want to pay for two?
I'm sorry. You are being so selfish it makes me ill. To bring a baby into a broken marriage just so you can feel happy is outrageous. Think of the child and not yourself in a decision like this.
Wow, you went mid-80's on us with "word!" Haven't used that since junion-high.
What we think is missing in all this is, yes she that will help her through her current situation. But methinks also, that she thinks a new baby will bring husband back home.
Well if that were the case, then we go from unwise to REALLY REALLY misguided.
Quote:
Only part i agree with the OP about is not breaking off the husband the nookie anymore.
Well if that were the case, then we go from unwise to REALLY REALLY misguided.
Word.
Guys are telling her its a bad idea... the ladies are telling her its a bad idea. Lets see if she comes back to us and admits... having a child with this dude... really isn't a good idea.
What's going to happen is after the new glam of baby wears away, you are going to be left with 2 children. I now this sounds kinda messed up ladies, but the more kids you have, the more narrow your dating field becomes, especially if you are young. So if she thinks she's being used now... wait till every guy she meets only wants to nail, knowing that they don't want to stick around to play "daddy" to your 2 seeds.
Separated but considering having a baby... 
