05-25-2011, 12:33 AM
Join Date: May 2011
| | Husband with anger issues
Hi everyone. I am new here – and thank you for reading..
I have been married for almost 8 months now. My husband has (what I believe to be) an anger management problem. Whenever a disagreement erupts; he walks away and does something physical to “release” anger. This has given him broken bones, holes in our wall, satellite dishes ripped from the ground, etc.
For me, the worst thing that ever happened was when he put his hands on my dog. We were bickering that day, and he took her outside to go to the bathroom. He wasn’t aware that I was watching – he got frustrated with her because she wasn’t going fast enough - so he picked her up and slung her 6 feet in the air like a ragdoll. I have a 90 pound German Shepherd – sweetest dog you’ve ever met.
This incident happened a month before we got married. I went ahead with the wedding , and since have regretted it. I don’t necessarily regret that I married him, but I regret that we got married without resolving our problems first.
He has continued with a rotten temper off and on, until about a month ago. Anything can set it off… If I answer a question wrong or say something he doesn’t want to hear… if I deny him affection (kisses) or anything of that sort; it starts a tantrum that eventually rolls into something bigger. He has openly admitted he is selfish and if he doesnt get what he wants or hear what he wants, he has an issue with that, and it eventually rolls into something bigger (an argument/tantrum/huffing and puffing).
Recently, He and I had the discussion of “if you don’t get this under control, we are headed for divorce” - me saying that of course. He has been to therapy once so far. And he is really trying to work hard on his outbursts/temper. It is honestly very noticeable at how hard he is trying.
I struggle on a daily basis; with resentment towards him, for the number of “incidents” we have had since moving in together, over a year ago. I have become very detached in the past several weeks towards him. I feel very let down by him, and have lost a lot respect for him as well. We also had the “due to your temper and violent outbursts and the fact I’m afraid of you when you get mad – I have lost the desire to have children with you at this point” discussions. I hate saying that and I hate feeling that way. He is nearly dead set on having children; and this conversation was very heart breaking for him.
For both, this is our second marriage. I just feel like I have mentally "checked out" of the relationship and I am not sure where to turn/go. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. I do currently see a therapist (have been for quite some time now). This is very frustrating and consuming. Thank you for reading.