marriagesucks

From a woman's perspective I can tell you she probably does this because it gives her power. Many women do this thing where they get a high from a guy finding her attractive. They want their partner to know so they tell them. I do it sometimes with my husband. If some guy tries to talk to me and would tell him...watch him get mad. Make sure he knows I still have "value on the market."

I would say however, that your wife takes it to a whole new extreme. To the point of being abusive. Many people have their way of abusing and intimidating their partner....and this is just the one that works for her. It may seem that she does not value you, but I think it starts with her - I think she doesn't really value herself.

Entropy3000

With all of the outside "interests" it is very hard to believe that she is not having sex when she needs it. Too much opportunity. She does not have sex with you and does not respect you.

I just went back and read your previous thread. I have no idea why you have let this go so long. No doubt you feel trapped, but what is the pojnt of counseling if she behaves as if she is single with a rich sugar daddy to support here habits. A $14K ring? Really? And she does not even show others ...

The least of your concerns should be your wife flirting. She is free to do whatever she wants with whoever she wants. What is to stop her. She has no boundaries and no motivation to change.

JAG

Well now for the past 4 days there is picture but no sound. I spoke to her about the whole flirting and she admitted that she probably does flirt when out but it's only a bit of fun. I see it that she has no interest in me and is out there flirting with other guys for the attention.
Well i made it clear she can do it on her own time. I have cut off giving her any cash. I used to give her whatever i had spare for heself. I don't fill her car with petrol, clean the house or speak to her unless it's something to do with the children..I suppose in essence i have cut off all emotional and financial help. she only works 2 days a week anyway.
I went out with the lads the other night and am planning to start looking after myself and getting my life back. I gave up everything and became a doormat for her. Well lets see how she can survive now.

Entropy3000

Good

JAG

Latest update..
Checked her facebook and saw messages to Kevin her boxercise instructor say " i miss you and really enjoy talking to you. " I confronted her and she admitts that she has a problem flirting etc. She said that she has never slept with anyone but our marriage was in trouble and she just started flirting.. The marriage is over and tomorrow i go to a solicitor..... I can't believe that she would do this to our 3 beautiful children,,, whatever about me

MrK

Your marriage is over. She likes men. I mean, she REALLY likes men and can get anything she wants from them. ANYTHING. And you can be positive she has. POSITIVE. Just think of all of the times there were opportunities. I'm not saying this to just rub salt in your wounds. I want you to think about it. About how much that hurts. How little she respects you when she's w.h.o.r... sorry, flirting with these boys.

Because you are going to get scared. You are going to panic about your kids futures. She is going to cry. You are going to bend. Don't. Because she'll be crying to you about her kids in the morning and s.l.u.t.t.i.n.g around that very night. Stay strong.

JAG

well it's all over. On the 1st of June we had a big chat and she told me that she wanted to seperate. She is getting individual councelling and so am i. Its more to help ourselves not the marraige as she is in no doubt that it's finished. I am absolutely gutted and not functioning at all. I cried for a full week and am totally broken up over it all. Today is the first day that i can function but still feel angry, confused, hurt and sad......
I kept thinking that maybe there is a chance but friends and the councellor told me to accept its over as that is the only way to start a recovery.
Easier said than done, we will still live together but i sleepin the attic. I can't afford to move out but i know i can't live like this and be friends. We have spoken several times about the hurt and pain and she is happy to be there for me and vice versa but at the end that still doesn't help me......
Loosing my mind, every minute is like an hour....does it get better over time......

AFEH

Well I guess you’re to be thanked in some way for your honesty. What you do with your H is cold, deliberate, calculated and premeditated. It is one of the very worse things I’ve read on TAM. If you hate and despise your H that much, do him the biggest favour he’ll ever get in his world and leave him and stop taking from him whatever it is that he gives to you. And give him a chance for REAL love in his life.

Bob

JAG

Nine days since we seperated and still the pain and hurt is there. A friend who has an appartment in Turkey booked flight for me and him to go Sunday week for a break. I told my wife and she was delighted for me, told me it was what i needed to help me get over the break up.. I thought she might have been a little upset and would ask if we could maybe talk... But now i know she has come to terms with the seperation and is moving on. She cares for me and wants me to be happy, but i don't think i can or will ever be...
I just want the pain, anger, hurt and sadness to stop. She told me i was a great husband and father but how could i be if she wanted to break up so much...I don't know how much more i can take.. I have 3 small children i adore but maybe they would be better off with my wife and me gone......
At least then the pain would be over and they would get over me..i tried to kill myself when i was younger but didn't have the courage and will. Now this could be my escape clause... I know i'm running and am being totally selfish but don't judge me please. In my heart i know i won't go through with anything but i think of it all the time..
If only i had realised this long ago i could have saved our marriage.. Maybe it was destined for this all the time... I love her and i know i didn't behave in a way to show it. I was distant and closed to emotions. At any row or preceieved threat i would build barriers and become very hurtful and malicious towards her. But i had a hard childhood and developed this method of surviving.. really i should never have married. Some people should be alone, they only cause hurt in relationships. I concentrated on providing for her and my family and didn't provide warmth and caring that she needed. i turned her from a soft caring person into a harder person. I know it's all my fault and i can only blame myself.......i pushed her away and now she is gone.... I can't cope without her. We are living together but it's not the same.... I find it so hard to see her every day and know what i've destoyed and will never get back... I'm pathetic and week and don't deserve anything more than what i've ended up with....

JAG

I spoke with my wife last night. We are on very good terms but even though i want the marriage to work she is still at ease with the seperation.
She told me that she feels numb and incapable of feeling any affection. She says that she has problems but lost the attachment years ago to me. She also says that she doesn't want to meet anyone else but wants to concentrate on the kids.
Thats all well and good but i can't live like this. I gave up the last 10 years of my life providing for them all. I gave her every spare cent i had as she only works 2 days a week. I never went out, socialised or had any hobbies. I worked and minded the kids. I'm not looking for a medal but i can't believe after all those years i'm now left with nothing, sleeping in the attic etc. I am just so hurt and angry. I love my kids and they mean the world to me.
I told her that i could not live indefinately like this and that in the near future i would have to move out, but we would have to sell the house as i can't afford to get a place of my own and help her with the home mortgage.
What do other people do. If we do this she will have to find an appartment and move the kids in with her. She doesn't want to leave them. The thought of us loosing our home that we spent so much time making into what it is today is heart breaking but i can see no other alternative...
Can anyone help me, any advice is welcom

MrK

In-house separations don't work. Sorry to say.

JAG

I presume she is so keen on in house seperation is that she wants me to be there to babysit, pay bills etc etc. If i go she will be screwed for mortgage repayments etc

Snooring

If you really want to be strong and move-on happily with your life, do the following.

1. Stop crying, blaming yourself
Stop begging, keep on telling her that you are hurt and you cant get over it.

2. Start go to gym, meet friends, guys night out, smile when you are home even if it hurts, tell her you feel better

and żou have started realize that breakup was the best option since you can see your ffuture life will be better.

3. Play a game and fake it. I guarantee it works. One evening prepare yourself by looking good and tell her that you are going for a date with a hot woman (fake it, even if you are going to meet a friend of you), let her thing and get confused of her decisions and her loosing you. when you come how smile and if she asks you how it went, tell her it was great and fun and she wants you to see her again. Tell her yu are planning to meet her within next 3 days.
Faking is not always good but sometimes it worth it for stupid women who do not care about you like your wife. She needs to feel jealous to want you

4.Sell your house, pays the bils and two of you should rent new appartments. Dont be a fool since you both are going to take care of your kids. Do not be there for her in the same house as a babysitter and pay the bills, let her rent the house and pay her own bills and you yours. Alot of people do this. I will also guarantee that your kids will grow healthier if you both are not living in the same house as a separate couple since they wont see drama in that house. Each can take care of your kids in own appartments. I repeat sell the house, pay bills and buy or rent a new house/appartment.

5. be there in the same house I guarantee will never help you to get over it. You will be urt for years.

6. Learn to be a man, meet womens emotional needs and take control (alpha male) and be a good lover for the next relationship you will have. Find a very attractive total woman friend(not one you want to date with) who will help you to improve yourself to be a man. A total woman friend will give you a honest advise of not being mr nice guy

PBear

JAG, I'm with the others that an in-house separation simply means you getting taken advantage of further. It's time for her to learn what what it will mean to be separated and divorced.

In the future, you may want to read through the "manning up" threads in the Men's Clubhouse. Otherwise you risk the same result in your next relationship.

C

Mom6547

Have you been to the solicitor? I don't know what it is like where you are (obviously not the states by the use of the word solicitor). But in the states the standard advice is not to leave the house. Leaving would not absolve your of your mortgage responsibility. Speak to your solicitor like yesterday.