Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.

Girlfriend had sex between breakup

10K views 92 replies 40 participants last post by  turnera 
#1 ·
Im going to get beat up here but Im looking for a mental tool to help. I dated someone for 3 years and we broke up. Within a couple weeks she was having sex with a man for about 3 months. When I found out, I began to date and did the same.
We are back together but I can not get it out of my mind. I have always been attracted to females with great moral character and yes I know today is much different than years ago and yes ALL men are hipocrites when it comes to this. After a 3 year relationship, I thought she would take some time to heal. I wanted the same and thought that we would get back together. I was blown away that she ran into another mans bed.
She has many excuses and I will be told she needs none.
I just cant get it out of my head as to why and if she is of a good solid moral character.
If a man or women is reading this, maybe they have had similar experience. She has told me that sex was horrible with him and that she was always "dry" and it hurt.
She doesn't know why she did it other than to get me out of her mind.
Thankyou
 
#4 ·
You did it too.

If you can't get over it, let her go. No way should you both be miserable and resentful over this. She has given you excuses, telling you what you want/need to hear....and it's not enough. Did you tell her how awful your sexual escapades were? Did you tell her how sad having sex with someone else was? How you couldn't really get hard enough so it wasn't quality sex?

If you did...then you are even. If you didn't...... why not?

This is not one sided.

Either get over it, call it even..... or let her go.
 
#6 ·
Its not that easy to just move on.
I feel that she is with me bc Im "home-base". I don't know anymore. I care about her but after 3 years,,its so hard to picture her with another man. I just cant figure out why she would do that bc she obviously didn't love him.
Im down, so the bashers could give me a little break
 
#7 ·
You broke up. Didn't you think she would move on?
 
#8 ·
OP,

If any person, M or F, comes out of a TRUE committed 3 year relationship and is banging away with someone else in all of 2 weeks, well it sure doesn't seem like that relationship was all that special to them.

As for the whole she was always dry and the sex was lousy stuff, that's just a lie.


Do yourself a favor and move on now.
 
#9 ·
While she was dating him,,she was still calling me and saying that sex was horrible and she couldn't get wet,,etc...
He was 6'5" and I asked if he was "large" and she said he was normal but just dry bc she wasn't emotional attached.
Is that a lie?? Im not a women
 
#12 ·
It's unfortunate, but it happened, and honestly, it's no big deal. I get why you feel it is, but the reality is that she did nothing wrong, technically speaking, that is.

Unless she knew you two would get back together, and this was a "break". But it doesn't seem that way.

So what gets me is why on earth was she telling you she was screwing some other guy not that long after you two broke up? It's disrespectful no matter how or why you broke up. People generally don't tell their exes all about their sex life, especially so soon after breaking up. With all due respect, this would not be a person I would get back together with, basically because of that alone. If telling you that the sex with this other guy is bad was some way of telling you she missed you, then she's sorely misguided and doesn't understand how relationships work, and she needs the manual called "things not to talk about with your ex".

In the end, I would say that it's fairly clear that this is a case of two people who have a familiarity with one another getting back together because of that reason alone. Mix in a bit of low self-esteem, and there you are. Rebound relationships (or just sex) are pretty much only to boost one's ego after a breakup. It makes you feel good that somebody else desires you and wants you, and helps you "get back on the horse". Why anybody's ex would share this with them is beyond me.
 
#13 ·
She doesn't know why she did it other than to get me out of her mind.
People here are often told to go out and date and have sex with other people as a way to forget about their ex. Whether that's a good idea is debatable.

I'm just saying she might not be lying about wanting to get you out of her mind and having a rebound relationship to do it. That is not uncommon. Lots of people have rebound relationships.

If that isn't something you can accept, then you need to walk away from this relationship. It happened. You have no choice but to accept it or walk away.
 
#14 ·
She told me bc we were still in contact and I asked.
She didn't want to talk about it. She was married 10 years and me 17 years. We were the first for each other after. We were together 3 years and after the break,,I intended to be alone a while a heal or was hoping we would chill and get back together. She quickly jumped into that and even said that she ran to the first guy thinking that if she slept with another man,,then I would never want her again. She was still in-love with me and after her 1st month with him,,she stsrted to call me. We eventually got back together but I resent her soo much. I cant stop thinking about it.
 
#15 ·
Im going to get beat up here but Im looking for a mental tool to help. I dated someone for 3 years and we broke up. Within a couple weeks she was having sex with a man for about 3 months. When I found out, I began to date and did the same.
What was the reason for the breakup?

Who initiated it?
 
#19 · (Edited)
IIRC, this is the second thread you've posted on this subject and one of many threads on her and the problems of moving on without her and now being back with her. You tend to just abandon your threads after getting tons of great advice that makes no impression. I've posted on probably all of them and I'm familiar with the issues you have with her. One of the reasons you like her is because of how she looks. You need to expect that other men find her equally attractive. And not be surprised that she would act on that after you broke up. I think she told you all that stuff to make you jealous and it worked a little too well.

Accept her or break up for good with her. I personally think, considering how she's acted in the past, you're better off without her but you seem to think you'll never find anyone that attractive again so there's that to deal with. You can't change what happened and you were doing the same thing as well. The double standard at its worst.

This is your 2x4.

PS
Not all men are hypocrites.
 
#20 ·
Ive seen therapist. Same stuff.
I do care about her,,I loved her sooo dearly once. Now,,I can only think about her having sex with another man. During sex,,I picture her,,,I ask a ton of questions.
I really think I need a tool or something to get over it or yes,,,I hate to admit it or let her go. I would hate for 6 months to go by and I feel like an idoit for letting her go over that.
I thought that she would never have sex with anyone for a while,,, I feel like she is a **** now
 
#22 ·
Ive seen therapist. Same stuff.
I do care about her,,I loved her sooo dearly once. Now,,I can only think about her having sex with another man. During sex,,I picture her,,,I ask a ton of questions.
I really think I need a tool or something to get over it or yes,,,I hate to admit it or let her go. I would hate for 6 months to go by and I feel like an idoit for letting her go over that.
I thought that she would never have sex with anyone for a while,,, I feel like she is a **** now
GROW UP!!!!

 
#21 ·
When it's over, it's over. Don't you think you're a little too old and too experienced to play the breakup/makeup game? WTF!? Evidently you didn't like something about her so you broke it off.

Move on already!

Besides, if you are the one that broke it off in the first place, you have ZERO room to talk, judge or have any questions about what she did after you left her. What gives you the right to ask her about how big her partner was or any other intimate details? You broke it off, so you lose all those rights to any answers, period!

Newsflash dude. Most likely the guy was probably decent in bed at a minimum and she enjoyed it. Since he was a bigger dude than you in stature and body, most likely he had a bigger one than you too. LOL, how damn gullible are you? Actually, why in the fvck is she even telling you ANYTHING at all? She should be telling you none of your damn business!
 
#24 ·
Did the therapy. Prob best to move on but we have a lot of time together. Just cant get over her having sex with this other guy and I think he was large and yes,,,women will say it doesn't matter,,etc..
I do believe her that she didn't enjoy it and she does really enjoy with me but any guy would not be happy with this. Very painful
 
#28 ·
She has many excuses and I will be told she needs none.
I just cant get it out of my head as to why and if she is of a good solid moral character.
She doesn't know why she did it other than to get me out of her mind.
Thankyou
Every one deals with break ups and stress differently


While she was dating him,,she was still calling me and saying that sex was horrible and she couldn't get wet,,etc...
He was 6'5" and I asked if he was "large" and she said he was normal but just dry bc she wasn't emotional attached.
Is that a lie?? Im not a women
The calling thing is weird but where you best friends? still weird for an ex.

Talk to her about that

She was probably not dry and he was probably not normal unless 8x5 is normal I am 6'4 size 13 shoe :smthumbup:

But who cares you are you, you have what you have if you dont know how to hit all of her spots after 3+ years read a book with her and have her show you what she likes pay attention to her little sounds and breathing she came back to you bro

She is trying to make you feel better because she knows and paid attention to you after 3+ years and knows how you take things

Let it go just like frozen or let her go because one sure way to dry up a woman and ruin relationship, is to be a man with no confidence always second guessing himself trying to find fault with every thing that needs leadership instead of giving it

I had an old squad leader his favorite saying was dont be a paper mache d*ldo you know its all fun and fine till it gets wet and it falls apart
 
#31 · (Edited)
Rep, I hate to say it but you sound mentally unstable. You broke up with her and now you can't get over the fact she slept with another man? Please if you can't pull the plug on this relationship, at least send her here so we can support her in dealing with your unstable jealousy.

You said you "were" in counseling? Please go back, you need a lot more to help you be healthy.
 
#32 ·
I appreciate the comments to help me see things differently. She was married 10 years,, then with me for 3 years. She came off as a good moral women. After we broke up,, she was having unprotected sex within 2 weeks snd allowing him to ejacukate in her (vasectomy),,,,,, to me there are many things wrong with this.
I very much loved her moral ground while dating,,, now I can only think she's an easy ****???
Can't imagine most men wouldn't feel the same way
 
#33 ·
Is this for real?

You're just ringing the bell to see which dog salivates.

Moral high ground. What about you?

After finding out she was with another man - what did you do?

You ran out and started doing the same thing with women.

Funny thing about pointing a finger at someone - you always have three pointing back at you.
 
#34 ·
Status
Not open for further replies.
You have insufficient privileges to reply here.
Top