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MIL rant

1K views 7 replies 5 participants last post by  frusdil 
#1 ·
I admit I have issues with my MIL. Out of respect for my DH, I bite my tongue and grin and bear it.

I have no problem with my hubby doing things for her, he does things for my parents so why wouldn't he do for his mom. I DO have a problem with how she gets him to do things for her.

She doesn't call and say could you please.... No she calls to invite us for dinner and then in passing, mentions that this broke or that needs fixing. My loving hubby doesn't even blink an eye and gets up and does whatever needs to be done. Which is exactly what he should do.

We have a new dog and when we were planning our vacation, she offered to watch the dog. This is the same woman who babysat my sister-in-laws boys numerous times but never in the 20+ years offered to watch our children, her grandchildren, but she offers to watch our dog. (needless to say, she didn't).

She lives a town away and instead of paying for delivery fees for a new chair, she calls my hubby to pick it up. We lived in another town, about 30 minutes from her. So hubby leaves here, picks up the chair, brings it there, carries it in and up to her front room. Moves the room around for her, he puts the chair where asked. She doesn't like it - so DH returns the chair.

She had a cat that was sick, it had scabs all over it that she wouldn't take to the vet until I refused to go there with our children. My kids were little and we had pets of our own. Well the vet said what the cat had was not contagious. I told my hubby the vet could lick the cat and still tell me all is well. I was NOT going there with our children. I was disgusted with the scab flakes everywhere.

Last year for DH's bday his Mom invited him for lunch. Just him - during the work day near his place of work. No kids, no me. This year, she calls him today to invite him, again just him for brunch, tomorrow.

This woman just grates on my nerves. I am never rude to her. I treat her respectfully and I don't tell hubby how I feel. But it's like a slap in the face when she seems to go out of her way to exclude me from my hubby's bday festivities.

Am I being overly sensitive?
 
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#4 ·
No he went. I was right there when she called and invited him. He didn't even suggest or mention we (the kids and me) might want to go.

I get she might want to spend time with him, if she asked more than once a year. And it's for his bday - you'd think she would want his wife and kids there. But nooooo just him.

She does things that leave me shaking my head.

She lives with her parents and when her dad was sick and at death's door they didn't tell him until the day before he passed.They finally called my hubby to tell him his grandfather had fallen and had been bedridden for a week.

The priest was there to perform the last rites, so hubby might want to come say his goodbyes. You could see my hubby was hurt, especially when he found out they called my hubby's brother and my hubby's dad.

I actually spoke up and asked him why didn't they call you sooner? He said they didn't want to bother him. I said bother you? He's your grandfather!!!

This woman is just beyond understanding.
 
#6 ·
Yep. As I suspected - the problem isn't your MIL, it's your husband. The solo invitations continue because HE allows them to.
I agree with the above. The issue isn't your mother-in-law....the issue is that your husband isn't communicating with you and isn't setting boundaries with her.

I have a daughter in law who I love but who's definitely a bit self-centered (she's young). She thinks the world revolves around her family and kids and it should for her but it doesn't for us.

She has expectations that we'll schedule babysitting months in advance when I don't know what we'll be doing and will schedule things for us to do several weekends in a row...which is never ok for me since I work a lot and use my weekends to sleep late and relax. I love to babysit and see the kids but I simply cannot do it as often as she requests.

She constantly makes comments about our private weekend time and about the fact that I often don't show up for events. She's the type that really likes a lot of social events.....and I'm the exact opposite. I use my weekend time to catch up with work, workouts, housecleaning and rest. I make no excuses for that...I work hard.

What works for us is that I allow my husband to determine how to handle it. Its his daughter and its his responsibility to deal with. He handles it very well. He tries to see his kids and grandkids at least once during the week but he asks me before scheduling any of our weekend time. If she tries to overschedule him for weekends, he'll just say that he's sorry but we have other plans. And if there's an event on a busy weekend, he goes and I often do not. She's never happy with that but my husband and I are fine with it and that's what matters.

Its always tough to negotiate this stuff so you and your husband have to be on the same page and he has to be communicating that message to his mother. Its wonderful that he loves and takes care of his mom but your his wife and your relationship needs to come first.

I suggest you sit down and have a long discussion with your husband about what's ok and not ok with you. You guys need to figure out a compromise together.
 
#7 ·
I don't know what it is MIL but they go out of their way to hurt/insult/gossip/hate their daughter in laws. I have the same problems with my MIL. But she's 10X worse and hubby does nothing. If possible get hubby on your side and let her know it's not working. If he doesn't you need to stick up for yourself and let he know how you feel.
 
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