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No sex because i am the mother of his children

1K views 4 replies 3 participants last post by  EleGirl 
#1 ·
My husband told me today that because i am the mother of his children it freaks him out to have sex with me. I need help this is so unreal
 
#4 · (Edited)
Im 46 hes 49.5... married 15 years... together for 21... 12 & 8 year old boys...

sex was never a big part of our story but we crazy love each other...for a while now we have become very complacent with each other...we talk a lot daily but its about about schedule, life logistics not intimately...we want more out of our relationship and not sure how to get there...
ive been trying to talk to him for years but he just never really opened up to me... it felt like we were the best of friends and it turns out we were killing our marriage because of this...about 9 mo ago he started changing...3 months ago he started a text messaging friendship with my sons friends mother our neighbor...it got carried away and i caught them before they did anything more than flirty talking/texting crazy amounts of texting...it kinda broke me and now i have some trust issues to work thu ... he has lost 28lbs and has a new look on life...
he seems to think our marriage has had a pretty bland background and since he got a renewed life with the attention he was getting from the new friend he thinks he needs to change things for his future and i might not be a part of that future for him...so he finally started talking to me and this was what he told me today...

i think hes in a midlife crisis type of thing -and i totally get it cause i feel the same at times...but i do love him and he loves me so we are trying to make this work... we are in couples counseling and he hasn't been open and honest-but this weekend he starting talking not a lot but more than ever and its hard and sad and talking like this is new and we both feel like were on egg shells but when he said sex is hard because im the mother of his children im at a loss...

with all the other stuff that we have been going thru lately this threw me but this explains part of why we haven't been having sex and then the fact that he has low "t" and just started taking celais as well...but we are talking and working on us...i jsut rambled but this is kinda my story
 
#5 ·
Does he have a Madonna/Wh@re type complex? Look it up if you do not know what it is. In brief men who think like this put women in two buckets. As the mother of his children you are a "Madonna". .. too good to have sex with. Men like this seek out women that they do not see as "Madonna" to have sex with.. maybe this other woman.

It's a real physiological hang up that some men have.

On the other hand the whole thing might be a red haring. Your husband is having an affair. When people have affairs the re-write the history of their marriage can come up with any nonsense that they can to explain why they want to have the affair. It sounds like his imagination is running full time.

I suggest that you get the following books and read them in the order listed there. They are all by Dr. Harley.

"Surviving an Affair"
"His Needs, Her Needs"
"Love Busters"

Start by reading the Surviving book. Keep that on to your self right now. Do what it says.

Basically if your marriage is to continue, he has not end all contact with his affair partner. As long as he has any contact with her at all, your marriage cannot be fixed. The book gives pretty clear guidance on what you need to do.

Only after he gives up the affair and goes no contact do the other two books come into play. They are for the two of you to rebuild your marriage.

I hope that things work out well for you and your children.
 
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