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Childless women

2K views 17 replies 15 participants last post by  primavera 
#1 ·
Good evening everybody

I think that I have now understand my wife's problem. She is a lady who is childless, not on purposes, she claims to have a number of miscarriages. Could I ask for opinion on this, if a woman does not have a child obviously she feels unfulfilled, also once she passed the menopause over the last ten years, interest in sex declines and even probably reminds her that it will not be fulfilled by having a child. Does anybody have any comments on this. Many thanks in anticipation.
 
#2 ·
G. Could I ask for opinion on this, if a woman does not have a child obviously she feels unfulfilled
Not true. Many women are child-free by choice and happy with their decision.

I do think it's probably feels different for a woman who wants to have children, but for whatever reason, cannot. That has to be painful.



 
#5 ·
I don't know your personal story.. or what you are going through with your wife...

Not every woman wants children, or goes through that maternal longing to be a Mother.. though I can speak of one who did...those were my dreams.. to have a family.. what I felt my purpose was.... if the man didn't want kids, immediate deal breaker here.. I wanted them young too, in our 20's.. things don't always work out as planned.. going through years of secondary infertility gave me a deeper understanding to the pain of those who struggled to have even 1 child..

We attended an "Infertility Retreat" during that time that a friend headed..... I witnessed a lot of pain there, the financial burden some of these couple go through on top of deferred hope...with no guarantees, to adopt or not to adopt...then watching these wives & husbands planning a tree together for the child they hoped / prayed / longed to have one day..

In the christian scripture ..it compares the barren womb to a desert thirsting for water, the grave & a consuming uncontrollable fire...

Proverbs 30:16 "The grave; and the barren womb; The earth that is not filled with water; And the fire that saith not, "It is enough."

The grave is never satisfied. No matter how many are buried today, cemeteries will take more tomorrow. Though death cuts men down by the thousands, there is room for more. The grave never says, "It is enough!" It has an insatiable desire for the bodies of men.

The barren womb is never satisfied. In Bible times, women craved bearing children. Rachel said to her husband Jacob, "Give me children, or else I die" (Gen 30:1). The barren womb has an insatiable desire for children.

The earth that is not filled with water is never satisfied. Dry ground absorbs water applied to it and is still dry. The water disappears, and the ground demands more. Though much water is supplied, it yet wants more. The dry ground has an insatiable desire for water.

The raging fire is never satisfied. As long as it can find combustible material, it will continue to burn. It never approaches a forest or house and stops due to lack of desire to burn. The raging fire has an insatiable desire to burn anything it can touch.
 
#6 ·
What do you mean she "claims" to have had a number of MC's"? Do you think she is lying?

I had one at 12 weeks and it was incredibly painful like going through a mini labour. Then had to have a D&C. You can't fake these things.

Or if she had them earlier in the pregnancy the Dr would have investigated multiple MC's. Where I live it is investigated after 2 or 3 of them. Surely you would be in the loop on these issues?
 
#8 ·
I've experienced infertility, and had I never succeeded, I'm sure I'd be a SHELL of the woman I am now.

I totally respect childfree by choice. I applaud those women and men.

BUT, if your wife always wanted to be a mom and never was able.....the damage that does to you emotionally can't even be described :(.
 
#9 ·
Do you think that the miscarriages were really something else and she feels guilt because she chose not to follow through with the pregnancy and now perhaps it's too late and/or she's caused physical damage by terminating the pregnancies? That can weigh heavily on her conscience especially if she has actively suppressed these feelings to the point that they are affecting her every day life.
 
#10 ·
My husband and I are childless by choice. We do not feel unfulfilled. We are happily married for ongoing 35 years. Interest in sex after menopause does not stop for all women. In my case, no changes has occurred.

Jack, you really must move on from your marriage. I have read many of your postings. Your wife has tremendous psychological problems. If you have not seen a psychologist yourself, you need to see one to help you see where you would like to be in your life. A sexless marriage is not healthy for a married life.
 
#12 ·
Certainly some women choose to be childless.

My wife desperately wanted to give me a child. She was devastated by 2 MCs and was still planning fertility injections. She was driven. I wanted her to quit, but she wouldn't.

I remember before marriage we both were only vaguely interested in children. Over time, her need grew.
 
#16 ·
Good afternoon everybody

I must say that the last three months have been a journey to me. My wife is desperately unhappy because she has never had a child, I can remember that at the beginning of our relationship she would make love every night, probably so that she could have a baby, at this time she was 47, probably slightly late to have a child. In the last couple of weeks, it has become patently obvious that she regrets not having children. We have look after while our neighbour works a four year old boy, looking at her she was in raptures while he was with us. I even took him swimming, I really feel sorrow for her and look forward to the day that my two sons aged 29 can give us grandchildren. It looks like she make decisions based on the fact of giving her children. As far as monetary considerations are concerned, she has gone to counselling for a number of issues and looks like she is progressing. Any comments or does anybody have any potential pitfalls that I will come accross.
 
#18 · (Edited)
I really feel sorrow for her and look forward to the day that my two sons aged 29 can give us grandchildren.
Hello Jacko Jack, I feel sad for your situation but please try not to place any expectation of grandchildren on your sons. They need to be able to make decisions about their own lives without feeling the pressure of being responsible for your wife's happiness. Although they may well choose to have families of their own in the future, there is equally the possibility that they will not - and they need to be free to make whichever decision is right for them. I speak as a daughter who has chosen not to have children; I have no regrets on my own behalf, but I still feel pain that I cannot give my mother the grandchildren she would so much love to have.
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#17 ·
Dear Intheory

The marriage was consummated on the wedding night, but making love has not taken place since that night, I think I understand the reason why. In this country even if you have sex once after the wedding the marriage is said to have been consummated. Maybe that is what she wanted, I do not know, I think that she is LD. I have seen on this site something like Bit and Take, where sex is given as a bait to trap men, would like to know more from others about this, please.
 
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